A Helter Skelter Romance
by brttmclv
Summary: Like a game of cat and mouse, Billy has always been the cat but when Josie comes back to Boston 6 years later, the roles are reversed. She takes the role of the cat and Billy is torn between what he wants and what he vowed not to do. Death Sentence
1. Change & Regret

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**I've been wanting and waiting to do this one forever! I vowed to do it when I was done with Sweet and Low but I want to see if everyone likes this. I have two chapters done but I'm only posting one for now. Sweet and Low is almost done so if every likes this, I'll post again when S&L is almost complete or complete. **

**My cast:**

**Josie Parker - Josie Maran**

**Brain 'Trapper' Parker - Ami James**

**Tim Randall - Francis Capra**

**More characters will be added as they are introduced. Google them or look at them on the forum under the title name.**

**Also, I do NOT own any recognizable people or names. This is purely for fun and I mean to harm! :) All quotes and lyrics that are not my own have the name or author of the person that does own them. The tid bits after the definitions are my own little wise words...lol. **

**This is the first chapter, duh. If you read it, please review! I'm counting on these reviews to tell me if I should write more. Also, if you can't figure it out by the chapter. Josie is 19 and Billy and Trapper are 27! I hope you enjoy this and again, leave a review. Even if it's one word!**

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**Change** chaynj- to become different, or make something or somebody different

Some people go through a gradual change as they get older. Some people don't change at all. And some people wake up one day a completely different person than the day before. Some people change on their own accord, some are forced to change and some feel the need to change to get their way. Whether it's a change for the good or the bad, change happens. It's as simple as that. It's a way of life.

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_They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself._

-Andy Worhol

Josie couldn't remember the person she was six years ago. The twelve year old child she was back in Boston was so far gone from her memory and her being, there was no salvaging it. The only thing that was left was a rebellious and juvenile nineteen year old hoping to get away from the sticky web that was her mother and step father. Michael, her step-father, wasn't all that bad. He wanted Josie gone but he knew she was doing these things to piss her mom off so she would get sent back to Boston. But no, Kelly would not grant her that. Her mother purposely kept Josie in California.

Wonder what happened? Wonder how they ended up in California? Wonder why and how Josie changed? Well, let me give you the low down.

It was the first week of September, 2002. Josie hadn't even started school yet. She was starting Junior High and it was a big deal. Anyways, Josie got up one Saturday morning to go downstairs to have breakfast. It was a tradition that her father, Ricky, made sure to keep up. It was one of his only day's off and he wanted to spend that day with his children, or child. Josie's older brother Brian just turned twenty and he lived with his friends a few streets down. He would come over every once in a while but tended to keep his distance. She wasn't sure why but her mother always told her it was none of her business. Josie obliged and kept her nose to herself and butted out when she was told to.

It's how she was. She was Kelly's pride and joy, unlike Brian. Josie was the perfect little girl. She wore the ribbon's on her hair and made sure to keep her elbows off the table. No one really knew how she became so proper living in south Boston but she was. She never let the looks of her house or neighborhood taint her sweet and innocent outlook on life. Brian often picked on her for being so picky but he was proud of her. He would give his life to make sure she stayed this way. If anyone could get away and make something better of themselves, it was Josie Parker.

Back to the story.

As Josie made her way downstairs quite a few things seemed odd to her. One, she didn't hear the clinking of the pans from her father. Two, she didn't hear her mother moaning about being up so early. Instead she heard her brother and another deep but familiar voice. She walked into the kitchen and saw Brian and his best friend, Billy, sitting at the table.

"Good morning, William." she greeted him softly. Brian smirked and gave Billy a look that read be nice.

"Morning, Josie." Billy grumbled. Billy was not one for a perky morning. Well, he wasn't one for anything that had the word perky in it unless came along with the work rack or tits. And seeing as Josie was twelve and the only thing perky about her was her attitude, her and Billy didn't get along too well. He classified her as the stereotypical best friend's annoying little sister.

Josie walked over to her brother and wrapped one arm around his neck. This was a sight to see. Josie in her light pink dress and curly hair tied back into a pony tail leaning very lovingly on her older brother, who at only twenty, was nearly covered in tattoo's and looked like the guy a father would pull a shot gun out on. See Brian and Billy weren't your average day Joe's. No, they worked for Billy's father, Bones Darley. Bones was well known throughout the city. He was known as a ruthless, killing machine that had no feelings and no heart. Plain and simple.

Of course, Josie didn't know any of this. She didn't know what her brother and his brooding friend sold drugs at night. She didn't know that he could be found dead at any street corner or alley way. She didn't know that his new tattoo's were not just him wanting to be artistic, it was a sign of who he was. It was a sign of what his life was and will forever be. She didn't know this and he liked it that way.

"Brian, what are you doing here?" she asked, looking over at her brother. He wrapped his arm around her tiny waist and pulled her onto his lap.

"Am I not allowed to come by and see my favorite little sister?" he asked in a mocking hurt tone. Josie smiled sweetly at him, showing of her dimples and moved from his lap.

"I'm your only little sister. It's a give in that I'm the favorite." she told him. Billy snorted from the other side of the table and pointed at Josie.

"Trapper, she's too smart for being a kid." he told his friend. Josie glared at Billy and crossed her arms.

"In case you've forgotten William, his name is Brian. Not Trapper." she told him coolly. Billy smirked and looked at Brian, who was also smirking.

"See what I mean? If she wasn't so clean cut, she'd be one hell of a chick with that mouth and sassy ass attitude." he chuckled.

Little did they know that would be the last laugh anyone had for a while. What they also didn't know was that while they were chatting Kelly was at the city morgue identifying the suspected remains of her husband. He had gone out early this morning to get some eggs for breakfast and ended up on the receiving end of a six inch switchblade.

It didn't take Kelly long to make the decision to move away. She had gotten her sister to pack her and Josie's things while they were at the funeral. She had wanted to get out of Boston for years but Ricky wasn't budging. Boston was home to him. Now that he was gone, she could go and take Josie to live her life elsewhere.

"Brian!" Josie screamed as Kelly held her by the waist, dragging her to the car. Tears were streaming down the little girl's face as she helplessly reached out for her brother to take her. Billy, as tough as he was, couldn't even bare to look at her. He knew how close Brian and Josie were. "Please, Brian! Don't let her take me! Please!" she screamed and pleaded.

"Josephine Leigh Parker!" Kelly shrieked. "If you do not quit that this instant you will be in deep trouble, missy." she threatened. Josie wailed louder as Brian looked away. He wanted so badly to walk over and snatch his little sister up and run off but he couldn't. Not because it would be considered kidnapping. No, it was because he knew that deep down inside this was going to be good for Josie. This was the break and escape she needed. Kelly had talked to him face to face telling him that this was best for everyone and he believed her. Billy had been the one to tell him not to listen to her. She had disowned her own son the minute she found who he was hanging out with. Billy knew this wasn't going to be good, he just knew it.

"I don't wanna go!" Josie screamed and reached out for her brother again. Brian couldn't take it anymore and walked over to her. Kelly loosed her grip just a little as he kneeled down in front of his little sister.

"Josie, don't act like this." he told her as softly and as firmly as he could. Josie shook her head and threw her arms around his neck. He returned the gesture and rubbed her back softly. "It's not like you're going to loose me forever. You'll see me soon. Either I'll come visit you or you can come here to visit me." he told her, looking up at Kelly for assurance.

"Of course, honey." she smiled sweetly and kneeled down next to Brian. "I won't take you away from your big brother. We just need to get away for a while. It's better. I promise." Josie didn't dare look at her mother, she wasn't buying it, she kept her stare on her brother. She didn't feel as if her mother was betraying her, she felt that Brian was betraying her. He was letting her go, just like that.

"We need to go, Josie." Kelly told her, standing up. "Tell him goodbye." Josie's eyes filled again when she heard the word. All the anger she felt towards her brother faded as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"I don't want to leave you, Brian." she whispered. "I don't want to go."

"I know, Josie. I don't want you to go either. But it's for the best." he whispered back. Josie unwrapped her arms from his neck and looked at him sadly. "Just be a good girl. Okay? Promise me?" he asked. Josie stared at him and tilted her head. Without saying another word or promising him, she stalked off to the car and slid into the backseat. A good girl? Was that what she was?

Kelly looked over at her daughter and sighed.

"It's for the best." she told her daughter once again. Josie looked over at her and for once in Kelly's life she saw a piece of Brain come out in the tiny child.

"You'll regret this." Josie warned and looked out the window at her brother. "I'll make sure you regret this."

That would be the day that changed Josie forever.

Days went by, then the days turned to weeks. After that six long, agonizing years had passed and she had not spoken to her brother once. Kelly changed their numbers and made sure to keep her address private. She hid and burned all things that had to do with her low life first born to keep him out of her angel's life. That was her first mistake. And her second was telling Josie why she wanted to leave. Kelly yelled at her one night that Brian wasn't the god send Josie thought he was. Josie's eyes were wide with anger and shock as he mother yelled at her, calling her brother nothing but a piece of scum gang banger. That's when realization hit.

Josie was thirteen when she picked up her first cigarette. Kelly didn't seem to notice, she was too busy with her new boy toy, Richard. Kelly also didn't realize that Josie's wardrobe had changed drastically. She went from wearing a lacy dress or skirt everyday to wearing jeans and clothes other girls were wearing. Kelly not taking notice of this really pissed Josie off. So it wasn't a bad thing when Kelly found Josie drunk off her rocker one night. Josie loved the look on her mother's face when she grinned and held up the bottle of Jack Daniel's.

That was the beginning of an all out war. Josie would go out, skip class and ruin her precious angel image day by day and Kelly would eventually get tired of trying to save her. Josie didn't do all this because it was fun, granted it was and she loved it, but she wanted to go home. She tried to emulate her brother and the life back in Boston as much as she could, hoping her mother would get tired of it and send her back. But Kelly wouldn't budge, instead she fought back.

Kelly knew Josie was doing all these things in spite of her and the last thing on her list to do was to let Josie win. Kelly even went to the extreme of holding Josie back a year so she couldn't leave at eighteen. Josie might have wanted to get out but she knew she had to graduate. Her father was to thank for that. He set up a fund for Josie when she started school and money was going to pile up in the bank account until she showed up with her high school diploma. Some days Josie didn't want the money but she knew it would make life a hell of a lot easier.

So slowly over the years Kelly's baby girl changed. Kelly had tried her hardest to make sure Josie didn't end up like her brother but in the end, she pushed her to be like him. Josie knew her brother wouldn't want this for her but she had to do what she had to do. Besides, he was probably doing worse things than she was. This made Josie feel better about doing the things she was doing. He had done the same things so when she was able to get back to him, he couldn't say anything. He couldn't tell her that she shouldn't be doing drugs or running from the cops. It's would make him a hypocrite.

"Does your mother know you're leaving?" Tim asked. Tim had been a good friend to Josie when she first got here. He was the one that showed her everything about the life that was a magnet back in Boston and helped her when she was down. That help usually was a few grams of coke and a few shots to go along with it.

"Maybe." Josie tilted her head to one side coyly. "Maybe not." she said throwing it to the other side. Tim smirked and pushed the mirror over to her. She got down to the floor and leaned over the mirror that had a single white line going across it. In a few seconds and a swift motion of her head, the white line was gone. She threw her head back onto the couch and smiled over at Tim.

"I'm gonna miss you." she sang. He shook his head and pulled her of the ground and onto the couch next to him.

"How about you show me how much you're going to miss me?" he whispered, brushing his lips against her ear. Josie's lips curved up into a evil grin and slowly moved her head to look at him. Tim's heart beat faster as she moved her face closer to his.

"No." she said and quickly stood up, grabbing her keys. "Listen, thanks for the going away present but I gotta go. My plane leaves at 3:45pm and I want to get there before word gets back to my mother." she said and slipped her shoes on. Tim smirked at her as she fixed her hair in the mirror and reapplied her lip gloss. That's one thing Josie didn't loose. Her sense of style. She might have hung out with the junkie's and gang members but there was no way she was dressing like them or the whores. She had a nice sense of fashion. It was cute and crazy.

"I still cannot believe you're going to wear that." he said pointing to her. She was wearing a pair of black leggings under a dress that looked more like a long white wife beater with designs on it.

"I think I can protect myself." she told him harshly. Tim sighed and walked over to her. He placed a hand on each side of her tiny waist and made her look at him.

"Just be careful. Call me if you need me. Alright?" he begged. Josie smiled and hugged his neck.

"I am going to miss you." she whispered and kissed his cheek. "I do expect to see you when I get all straight out there. I'll pay for it, if need be." she smiled. He nodded and kissed her forehead.

"Call me when you get there." he ordered and walked over to the door. He opened it slowly and she kissed his cheek one more time before walking out.

Josie hurried to the sidewalk to her mother's car and jumped in. She had had the plane ticket in her pocket for almost a week and it was burning a hole in it. She was excited but nervous. She hadn't been able to get a hold of her brother yet but she had a number to a bar that she heard Brian and Billy talk about all the time. She prayed it was still there so she could let him know she was coming. Hell, she hoped he was still alive.

She parked the car in the parking lot and grabbed all her things from it and the hidden stash of bills her mom hid under the seat. Josie smiled when she counted out 150.

"Thanks, mom." she mumbled and threw the keys in the driver's seat and locked it. She didn't look back as the walked to the airport terminal and scouted for the first pay phone. She found one and ran over to it before someone else could take it. She set her bags down and pulled a quarter out of her pocket along with the number she had found. She took a deep breath before putting the quarter in the slot and dialing the number. Her heart raced with each ring it took and she could have died when someone picked up.

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**Re·gret** ri grét- to feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken, or hurtful to others.

Some say that living life is not regretting. Some say that regret is life. Some will say it's okay to regret and some say that it's a waste of time. But no matter how hard you tell yourself that you won't regret it, the more you think about it and you end up regretting it. And that is inevitable.

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_We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. The only difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons._

-Jim Rohn

Never had Trapper heard such well spoken and true words. At one point he believed the old Chinese proverb that said, 'To regret the past, is to forfeit the future.' but as the days went by without a word from his mother or sister, he slowly started to see a blurred future and he started regretting. He regretted letting his mother take her away from him without a fight. He regretted not going out to San Diego and finding her just to see her. He regretted not spending more time with her and telling her it would be okay when deep, deep down inside he knew it wouldn't. Some days he even regretted becoming the man that he did and forcing his mother to disown him.

"Trapper, you there?" Joe asked, sitting down at the table. Trapper's thoughts broke as he stared at his best friend's little brother. No one could tell by looking at him though. Joe was a tiny, scraggly little man. He had tattoo's scattered everywhere and somewhere in the hear that he had, there was the Darley attitude but other than that, he was the sane one out of all of them.

"Yeah, just thinking." Trapper sighed and looked around the smoky bar. He had been waiting for Billy to show up for about half an hour but so far he was a no show.

"Josie?" Joe asked softly. Trapper smirked and looked over at the younger Darley. This is what made Joe the sane one and different than Billy and Bones.

"Yeah. I can't believe in a month it will be six years." Trapper sighed and waved the waitress for another beer. She nodded to show she had seen him and walked to the bar. "It's been too long." he mumbled as Hilary set his beer down.

"You talked to your brother?" he asked her before she left.

"Baggy? No, but I heard a customer saying Billy and them had a busier night." she told him quietly. Trapper nodded and let her leave. Joe looked over at him and smirked.

"How did you get off duty tonight?" he asked. Trapper chuckled and leaned back in the booth.

"I'm special like that." he told him.

"You're special in more ways than that, Trap." Billy's taunting voice said. Joe shook his head, laughing as he stood up to walk off. Trapper turned to look at his friend.

They had known each other since grade school and had been string ever since. Trapper didn't initially join in the Darley's side business but after a while he got interested. He saw the affect Billy had on people when we was just a teenager and he wanted that. Plus, it got him extra cash and a way to get away from his parents. His dad wasn't bothered when him and Billy's appearance started to change but it was Kelly who flipped. She didn't agree with the tattoo's that slowly started to cover up the two men's bodies. She was really pissed when he joined the gang. That was Trapper's last day in his parent's house.

"If that ain't the pot calling the kettle black." Trapper smirked and moved over to let his friend sit down. Besides Joe, Trapper was the only one that could get at Billy and not get shot or ripped into. Billy pulled the cigarette from his lips and smirked at Trapper.

"I thought you were taking advantage of your night off?" Billy asked, stubbing the cigarette out and sending a quick glance at Hilary.

"I am. I'm sitting down having a beer instead of dealing with the latest era of junkies that flock to Southie." Trapper smirked and sipped his beer. Billy nodded to Hilary when she set his order on the table. He looked at the first shot glass for a moment before picking it up.

"She'd be nineteen now, huh?" Billy asked and quickly downed the shot. Trapper sighed and nodded his head.

"Yeah. I can't believe it." he told him and chuckled lightly. "I hope she's at least changed her style." Billy couldn't help but chuckle and nod.

"Yeah, that frilly stuff was horrible. I know she's a girl and all but, damn." The men got quiet for a moment until Trapper spoke up.

"Why would she do that?" he asked Billy, quietly. "She's my mother. Why would she just leave like that and not let me see or talk to my sister? How could anyone do that to their child?"

"She's not a mother, Trap. She's a money hungry bitch. You know she hated it here and you knew she'd leave the moment she could. I told you she would do this." Billy replied calmly, remembering the day of his friend's dad's funeral. Billy knew Kelly would take off and warned Trapper but he just blew him off. Trapper didn't think his own mother would keep his little sister away from him.

"I know, I know." Trapper sighed. "I don't even know why I'm thinking about it."

"Because you have too much time on your hands." Billy smirked. Trapper chuckled and rubbed his hands over his head. He heard someone clear there throat and looked up to see Hilary standing there.

"There's a phone call for you in the back." she told him softly. He looked over at Billy confused and nodded. He slowly stood up and walked down the hallway to the pay phone. He saw it laying on the side and picked it up.

"Yeah?" he answered carefully. He wasn't sure who would be calling him at the bar when he always had his cell on and being who he was there was always a threat. You had to have eyes in every direction or you'll be a target.

"Brian?" a tiny voice whispered. Trapper's whole body froze and leaned into the booth more to hear better. Were his ears deceiving him?

"Josie?" he whispered. He never believed that he would be hearing this tiny voice ever again.

Josie's whole body froze and tears sprung to her chocolate brown eyes when she heard the voice she had missed for the past six years. The voice that would laugh with her at night and yell for her when she was out of his sight. The deep but soothing voice that belonged to the only person, besides her father, that really and truly cared for her. Her brother.

"Yeah, it's me." she smiled through the phone. He ran a hand over his head and couldn't force the grin that was on his face. It was Josie, he was talking to her. He had a billion questions he wanted to ask but nothing would stay still long enough for him to actually capture it and sat it.

"I, uh...How are you?" he asked. Josie's heart flipped a few times and she leaned against the wall to steady herself.

"I'm good." she smiled and played with the cord on the phone. "How are you?"

"Good, good. Having a few beers." he chuckled. "How did you know I would be here?" he asked, trying not to sound rude. Josie laughed and looked up at the sky.

"I remember hearing you talk about it when I was little. I hoped it was still here and that someone would know you." she told him.

"Yeah, it's still a staple of mine." he chuckled. There was silence for a moment but Josie broke it quickly.

"I'm coming home." she said quickly. Trapper felt his breath hitch and when he felt someone looking at him he turned to see Billy. Billy sent him a confused look as he lit another cigarette.

"Seriously?" he asked, slowly.

"Yes. I'm at the airport now." she told him. "My plane leaves at 3:45pm and it's almost 3:20 now." Trapper looked at his watch, 6:20pm his time.

"When will you be here?" he asked.

"The flight is just over 5 hours long. So it would be about 11pm your time when I get there." she sighed. "Is this okay? That I'm coming back. I mean, I don't want to be a burden or-"

"Do you need me to pick you up? When do I need to be at the airport?" he asked smirking. He knew she thought he didn't like her coming back but he did. He just couldn't believe it.

"Just be there at eleven." she smiled, happy to hear he was going to be there.

"Alright then. I'll be there." he smiled. Josie heard her plane number being called and sighed.

"Listen, I have to go now. I'll see you soon." she told him.

"Alright, kid. See you soon." he smiled and hung the phone up. He ignored the questioning stare Billy was giving him and started to laugh. Billy thought he had lost his mind, seeing his best friend burst into hysterics after a phone call.

"Who was that?" Billy finally asked, wanting to know who got Trapper to smile and laugh over the phone. Trapper looked at Billy and smirked.

"Josie." he told him simply. Billy's head tilted and he looked at the phone.

"Josie? As in Josie," Billy held a hand to his waist where she used stand next to him. "Josie?" he asked, needing clarification.

"Yeah, that Josie." Trapper nodded, finally feeling the feeling set it. "She's coming home. She's finally coming home." Trapper closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall. Billy laid a comforting hand on his friends shoulder, not sure at how to take the information. This was something that neither man expected.

And neither knew just what they were getting themselves into.

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_Easy for a good girl to go bad_

_And once we gone, (gone)_

_Best believe we've gone forever_

_Don't be the reason_

_Don't be the reason_

_You better learn how to treat us right_

_'Cause once a good girl goes bad_

_We gone forever_

-Good Girl, Gone Bad by Rihanna

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**FYI to my NY reader/readers...I'm working on Tres Joli right now! Sweet & Low is in my Beta's box and Crash & Burn will be updated after TJ!! Thsi story has kidnapped me from writing anything else but i'm back on track now!!**


	2. Choices, Expectations & Resentments

**Okay I would like to thank...**

**SexySadie88**

**BEG75**

**beccatdemon13**

**becki2810**

**...for reviewing. I****'m glad you all are enjoying this. I know I said I would not update until one of my other stories was done but again, this had kidnapped me! I hope you enjoy this and FYI chapter 3 is done and I will most liekly be updating after four is done. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks a bunch! :)**

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**Choice choyss-** 1. a decision to choose one thing, person or course of action in preference to others. 2. the chance or ability to choose between different things.

Life is full of choices. The choice to clean your room. The choice to get married. The choice to do drugs or drink and drive. Or the choice to put your life into someone else's hands. Every part of life is a choice and ever single choice you make has a consequence. Whether it is a good one or a bad one. You never really know until it bites you in the ass or gives you a box of chocolates. But that's the risk you take.

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_We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision._

-Gary Collins

No one really knew what to say. It's not everyday you find out that your friend's little sister is flying back home after six years. Trapper couldn't wipe the grin off his face and Billy couldn't stop glaring at him. This happy Trapper reminded him of the very perky girl that was on her back to Boston.

"I wonder what she looks like." Trapper wondered out loud. This was a lingering question in his mind. He wanted to know if she still looked the same or changed completely. He knew some people looked exactly the same when they were younger when they grew up. Joe was like that. The little Darley looked like he hadn't aged one bit. Billy, on the other hand, looked nothing like he did when he was younger. The only reason you could tell it was him was the eyes.

"Probably, the same." Billy groaned. This is what their night had consisted of so far. Talking about Josie. "Maybe taller."

"You don't seem so excited." Bodie smirked, only knowing from Trapper that Billy wasn't too fond of the girl. Bodie and the rest of the guys didn't know Josie. They knew of her but never got to meet her or anything. It wasn't that Trapper thought they were bad, if that was the case Billy would have been the last person on the list of people to meet his little sister. It wasn't because it was safer. Trapper and Billy didn't want everyone to know about Josie or know what she looked like. They were just gaining attention before she left and they were afraid if they got on someone's shit list, they would go for family. So Billy was the only one Trapper allowed to see Josie. Joe had seen her a few times but he was at the age that he was looking to score a girl not play outside with them.

Trapper turned to Billy and chuckled. He knew the day she got home was going to be a field day between those two. Especially, if she was still a smart ass like she used to be.

"She's probably not that annoying anymore, Billy. I mean, it's been six years." He told him and looked down at his beer. "She's grown up since then." Billy frowned feeling a tad bit guilty for being such an ass when his friend was so happy.

"Yeah, well some people don't change. She's been with Kelly for six years." Billy said holding his beer to his lips. "But if she thinks she's going to walk around Southie is pigtails and ribbons, she's got another thing coming." The guys laughed and Trapper nodded.

"I hated that Kelly dressed her that way." he sighed. "But she loved it. She didn't complain. It was her choice too."

"That's the scary part." Billy chuckled. He sipped his beer and looked over at Trapper. "Where is she going to stay?" he asked. Trapper looked over at him and raised his brow.

"With me. Where else would she go?" Trapper asked, not sure as to why Billy would ask such an obvious question. Billy smirked and set his beer down.

"Did you forget how she was or was I just judging her way too much?" Billy asked. All the guys looked at him like he was crazy and he chuckled again. "Trap, she's going to have a fucking conniption fit when she sees your place." Trapper's eyes widened and he let his head drop onto the table. He now realized what Billy was talking about.

Josie was border line OCD. She had everything in her room organized and color coordinated. Even her clothes were from light shades to dark. Her bed was made every morning. Her dresser was nice and neat. Her shoes were in a rack in her closet. Everything was near perfect. And as of now his apartment was the complete opposite.

"I gotta go clean." Trapper stated, still holding his head to the table. He picked it up and smirked over at Joe and Billy. "And you're helping." Joe groaned and Billy cocked his head to the side.

"What was that?" Billy asked, holding a hand to his ear. "I could have sworn you just told me that I," he said, pointing a finger at himself. "Was going to help you clean." Trapper stood up and shrugged his jacket on.

"Come on, Billy." he smirked. "Its help me clean or hear her whine when she gets here." Billy grunted and finished his beer before standing up. Trapper smirked and followed Billy out the bar with Joe right behind him. They piled into Billy's car and he sped through the streets and down to Stokley Hall. Trapper pushed the door open to his two bedroom apartment and sighed.

"Yeah, she'd die." Joe nodded and looked around. Trapper had at least thirty empty beer cans in the living room. About ten bottles and trash was everywhere. The couch had chip crumbs and pizza crusts in the cushions. Trapper and Joe both turned to look at Billy when they heard his deep chuckle.

"Maybe we should leave it be." he suggested. "Might scare her back to California." Trapper glared at him and Billy held his hands up in mock surrender. "Joking, just joking." Trapper sighed and looked back into the living room.

"Joe you take the extra bathroom and Josie's soon to be room. I'll take my room and my bathroom. Billy you tackle the kitchen and living room. Think you can do that?" Trapper asked them. Joe huffed and walked down the hall to Josie's room and Billy leaned against the wall. He and Trapper held each other's glare for a moment and before Trapper gave up.

"What?" he asked.

"As long as it gets done, right?" Billy asked. Trapper looked at him confused and nodded. Billy smirked and waved his hand at Trapper. "Alright, go now. Shoo." Trapper shook his head and walked down the hall to his room. Billy waited until Trapper and his little brother were completely gone and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a semi-familiar number and waited for someone to pick up.

"What?" came the irritated voice. His smirk fell and was replaced with a hard glare.

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" he barked into the phone. He heard a mumbled curse word and then a sigh.

"I didn't look at the caller ID." she apologized. Billy grunted and pushed himself from the wall. He wasn't one for excuses or attitude.

"I need your assistance." he told her bluntly.

"I have a client in twenty." she reminded him. Billy grunted again and walked back out of Trapper's door.

"I fucking know that, Holly." he said through gritted teeth. "I fucking sent him to you. Therefore, I can take him away. Now I need you over at Trapper's place, ASAP." he told her. Holly sighed, wishing she had turned down the offer to make some extra money when she had the chance.

"Whatever." she grumbled and hung up. Billy smirked. He loved getting his way. It's who he was. He had anyone and almost everyone in the palm of his hand, whether they liked it or not.

He looked back inside the apartment to see if Trapper or Joe were in sight but neither one was. He lit a cigarette as he waited for Holly to arrive. She lived about a block away in another complex. He had known her for about five months now. He found her walking through the streets of Boston one night and gave her a ride to her place. Out of no where she started talking about how she was about to loose her place and she already lost her job. He listened as she ranted and cried and when he dropped her off he offered her something she couldn't refuse. He offered to pay her back rent and rent for two more months if she helped him out. One of his main girls had fucked up and gotten pregnant and that meant he was going to loose money if he didn't find anyone to replace her. She didn't want to take the job at first but she needed to money. She was nearly 1200 in the hole with her land lord and her next months rent was coming up soon. So Holly took the 2000 Billy offered without a second thought.

Holly was good looking enough. She was about 5'5" and just over 120 pounds. She had bright auburn hair and light green eyes that were constantly filled with sorrow and hate. But she fit the bill and she needed to money. Some days she didn't mind but other she would rather be killed than go near some of the guys Billy sent her way. She knew she couldn't though. For the short time she had worked for Billy, she became his most prized possession. Every guy asked for her and Billy, for the most part, obliged. She had to give it to Billy though; he paid her well even though she owed him. He made sure she got her cut and he never cheated her. He might have been some tough asshole, but he knew the best way to keep employees was to treat them fair. But she knew the moment she fucked up or didn't pay him, her head would be on a rusty platter in his living room.

"What?" she asked, walking up next to him. Billy didn't hear her approach him and glared at her. He hated her attitude but it came in handy sometimes. She was Irish and a read head, that all rolled into one helped keep her customer's friendly. And if she did get one she couldn't stand up to, Billy was next in line.

"I need you to do me a favor." he told her simply. "And yes, you're getting paid."

"What is it?" she asked, leaning on the rail opposite of him. He smirked and jabbed his thumb behind him to Trapper's place.

"Trap's baby sister is coming home and she's fucking neat freak pest." Billy told her. Holly stared at him in disbelief. Was he seriously asking her to clean Trapper's nasty ass house? She had been to many a party over here at Trapper's place. She also knew that whenever he had a party he never cleaned after it.

"You want me to clean?" she asked him. Billy nodded and looked in the house again.

"Yes." Billy told her shortly.

"Do I have a choice?" she asked. Billy glared at her and cocked his head to the side.

"Do you really need to ask that?" he retorted. "Trapper and Joey are helping, don't worry."

"Why aren't you helping?" she asked. She instantly regretted asking something so stupid but felt a little better when she saw Billy smirk.

"You're kidding, right?" he asked. She sighed and walked over to the door.

"I can't believe you called me over here to clean this pig sty." she mumbled and pushed the door open. She stopped in the door way and grimaced. Billy held a chuckled in and stood behind her in the doorway.

"Well, it's this or Mr. Reynolds." Billy told her. Holly looked over her shoulder at him and frowned.

"Where do I start?" she asked, giving in. Billy smirked and pushed her into the living room.

"You got the living room and the kitchen." he told her and walked over to the island and took a seat. She glared at him as he sat there and watched her clean.

"Just so you know," she started and grabbed a trash bag off the counter next to him. "I'm doing this because I'd hate for that poor girl to live in this hell hole, not because you asked me to." Billy shrugged and pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

"Like I care, Holly." he mumbled. He wasn't sure why he let her talk to him this way but he did. Most of it was probably because Trapper told him one night he thought he had a thing for her. Billy quickly put him in his place.

"It's not a thing, Trapper. You just feel bad for her." Billy sighed. Trapper glared at him and shook his head.

"Why is it so bad to feel bad for the girl?" Trapper asked.

"If you feel bad for one whore, you gotta feel bad for the rest of them. You don't have that much time or compassion." Billy told him. Trapper dropped the subject and kept the comment about her not being just a whore to himself.

* * *

**ex·pec·ta·tion èk spek táysh'n- **1. a standard of conduct or performance expected by or of someone. 2. a mental image of something expected, often compared to its reality.

Expectations are a killer. Most say to live life with low expectations, so you're never let down. Some say set them high and never settle for less. Some also say to never idealize others, for they will only let you down. Some vow to live without expectations and other's simply vow to expect the unexpected. The latter being the risk taker.

* * *

_Oft expectation fails, and most oft where it promises and oft it hits where hope is coldest; and despair most sits._

-William Shakespeare

Trapper could only laugh when Joe realized that Billy had called Holly over to help. Trapper knew it was going to happen but he didn't care. Billy didn't know the meaning of the word clean or neat. He was hoping that he would either make Joe do his part or call someone. Trapper was just happy it was Holly and not some other whore. Sure, that's what she was classified as but she didn't do it because she wanted to, she did it because she had to. After a while of working for Billy, Holly slowly started to fit in. She and Baggy's sister Hilary always hung out. Trapper had talked to Holly a few times and told her that he could get her off of Billy's pay roll and offered to help pay off her debt but she declined. Billy now only sent her certain customers and she was almost grateful for that. He had taken a big leap by giving her that money and she wasn't going to bail on him without paying him off by herself. She owed him that much.

"You're a pig." Holly stated from Trapper's bedroom door. He turned to look at the red head and smirked.

"I'm a guy." he told her simply and sat on the edge of his bed. He rubbed his hands over his bald head and sighed. He looked over when he felt the bed shift and smiled at Holly. "Thanks for helping."

"Well, Billy's a good bargainer." she joked. "It was this or old man Reynolds." Trapper shook his head in disgust and sighed again. "What's up?" she asked.

"I'm worried." he told her bluntly.

"About what?" she asked. She had always liked Trapper the most. He was just as bad and tough as Billy but he had more compassion than Darley. He grew up with a family and he chose this life. Billy was thrown into this life.

"My sister. I haven't seen her in six years. She was 12 last time I saw her and she knew nothing about this life." he confessed.

"She didn't know you were in a gang?" Holly asked. Trapper shook his head and laid back on his bed. Holly moved to sit sideways and looked down at him.

"No. I kept it away from her. She was too young to think about the tattoo's being for a gang." he told her. She nodded, understanding that he wanted to keep her safe.

"And now you're worried what she'll think of you?" she asked. Trapper leaned up on his elbows and stared at her.

"Yeah, I am. I don't know what she's like. I don't know what to expect. When she left she was a child and now she's a young adult. I'm afraid that she will come back and not like what she sees. I'm afraid she won't be able to see past the tattoos and I know she will find out about the gang. What if she regrets coming here? What if I'm not what she expects?" he rambled. He was really afraid that the moment his sister laid eyes on him and saw who he really was, she'd leave and go back to Kelly. The first time he lost her it wasn't because of him. He didn't dare think about what it would feel like to have her leave again because of him. Holly nodded, silently telling him she heard every last word. She thought for a moment and looked back at him.

"I think you are underestimating your sister." she told him. "No ones know what to expect after six years. Hell, we don't know what to expect half an hour from now but does that stop us from going some where or living our lives? No, it doesn't." she told him softly. "You're sister is coming home, Trapper. She called you after six years of no contact at all. I doubt she's worried about what you look like or who you hang out with." Trapper sighed and sat back up, putting his head back in his hands.

"I know." he whispered. "I just-" he paused and looked over at her. "It took me a really long time to get over the fact that I wasn't going to see her for a long time, maybe even never. I went through hell after she left. I lost my dad and then my sister. I went down a path that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Billy was the saint compared to me at that time and it was him who saved me." he whispered the last part vaguely remembering the six months of hell that he endured.

This was probably the only time Billy was a saint or showed any kind of compassion for a person. But Trapper wasn't one of Billy's acquaintances or employees, he was his friend. It tore Billy up inside the day Bones informed him that some of the drugs were missing. Billy looked high and low, accused and beat the shit out of Heco until he walked into Trapper's room one day and found him passed out with a needle in his arm. Billy wanted so bad to beat the shit out of him. Not for stealing but for going down this road. Trapper couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks when he woke up and saw Billy standing over him. When Billy held his hand out Trapper reluctantly handed him the bags of meth and coke that he had taken. Billy didn't let Trapper work for nearly two weeks.

He eventually got evicted from his place and Billy made him sleep in the Office. Trapper got tired of Billy treating him like a bitch and a homeless person and he confronted Billy. He was met with a fist to his face. Trapper stared at his life long friend as he let out a verbal lashing.

"You don't wanna be treated like a low life piece of shit then stop fucking it up! I was treating you like that because you asked for it! This isn't you. It never was and never will be if I have any fucking say about it." Billy yelled. He didn't want to treat his friend like this but no real friend of his would do this. Sure Billy dabbled in drugs but he never got addicted. A few times were fun but once you couldn't live without, you were fucked.

Trapper wasn't ready to admit he had a problem and was MIA for a week. He finally showed back up at Billy's place and agreed to let Billy help him. Trapper wasn't allowed to work with drugs for a while but Billy let him deal with the shop and the money. Slowly, Billy weaned him off of the drugs and within no time Trapper was back to the man he was before.

Trapper was snapped from his thoughts when a soft hand made its way to his forearm. He looked over at her as she smiled sadly at him.

"You're afraid of loosing her again." Holly nodded, understanding. "But why give up now? Why down yourself before she even gets here? You never know what will happen until it happens." Trapper smirked at her and shook his head.

"Some would find this odd." he told her. Holly smirked back knowing what he meant.

"What taking advice from a hooker?" she laughed. "Hey now, don't judge a book by its cover." Trapper chuckled and pulled out his cigarettes. "Besides, I'm not your average day hooker." she declared standing up. Trapper looked at her waiting for her explanation as she walked to the door.

"I'm a housewife on the side." she winked and left.

Trapper laughed to himself as he lit his cigarette. He inhaled and looked over to the dresser at a picture of him and Josie a few weeks before she left. He still had his hair back then. Granted it wasn't as long as Billy's mane at the time but he still had some. He chuckled thinking about the look on Josie's face when she would the matching bald heads of both men when she got here. He looked back at the picture and sighed. She was wearing a light green shirt with a ballerina on it and had her curly hair lying on her shoulders. Her naturally golden skin was shining ever brighter from the smile on her face. She looked so innocent and angelic. He prayed she hadn't changed. He prayed that she had obeyed him and listened to Kelly instead of fighting her. Did this make him naïve? To hope that she hadn't grown. That she hadn't found herself and made a life that was her own.

"I'm going insane." he mumbled to himself.

"You've been there for a long time." Billy said from the doorway. Trapper held his middle finger up without looking at his friend. "It's going to be different. It's going to be weird. And you're going to be a raging mess." Billy told him, walking over to sit down next to him.

"Why a raging mess?" Trapper asked, finally looking at his life long trusted friend. Billy pointed to the picture Trapper had stared at earlier and looked at it.

"She might have bugged the hell out of me, but there's no denying she was a beautiful girl. She had the smarts, the wit and the personality to be an all star high school it girl." Billy told him. "It's the main reason you always wanted her to get out of Boston. A pretty girl like that won't last long, they are an instant target. So unless, she got pushed down the ugly tree after she left, you're going to be a raging maniac when she gets back here."

"Damn it." Trapper groaned. He never thought about that. "You'll have my back right?" Trapper asked. Billy smirked and nodded.

"Again, she might have annoyed the shit outta me and she might have been gone for six years, but that don't mean she won't be considered family." Billy him truthfully. "I helped protect her back then and I'll do it now. Nothings changed." Billy promised. Trapper held his hand out and Billy took it firmly.

"Thanks, man." Trapper whispered as they shook hands. The two men stood up and Billy clapped a hand on Trapper's shoulder.

"Hey, we're family, right?" Billy asked, looking at Trapper. "No need to thank me. Ever. I do it because I want to, not because you asked."

* * *

**re·sent ri zént- **1. to feel aggrieved about something or toward somebody, often because of a perceived wrong or injustice.

Resentment is like hatred. It's one hell of a strong feeling. You can resent someone for as many reasons as your mind can think of. But in another sense, it's just a meaningless word. It's a word of disappointment. It's a word to hurt someone's feelings and it's a word that is mostly empty. It's a word and a feeling that is commonly only used to hurt others when you have nothing else to say. Most that say it don't mean it. And the ones that feel it hate it.

* * *

_Love never claims, it ever gives; love never suffers, never resents, never revenges itself. Where there is love there is life; hatred leads to destruction._

-Mahatma Gandhi

"You need anything, miss?" the flight attendant asked as she walked down the tiny aisle. Josie looked up at the lady and smiled.

"No, thanks." she told her. The lady looked down at her and smiled softly.

"You alright? You look a little flushed?" she asked. Josie sighed and looked up at her.

"Going home to see some family after six years." Josie told her. "Just a little antsy, that's all."

"Aww now, don't be nervous. It's just family." the lady smiled and walked off. Josie sighed hoping the lady was right.

Josie had never been so nervous in her life. Not when she performed at her school plays in grade school. Not when she had to speak in front of her class in high school. Never had she been nervous. It was something that didn't com naturally to her. She was always calmed and poised even in the most nerve wracking moments. But today, today was different.

Today she was seeing her brother for the first time in years. She was nervous about seeing him. She was nervous about being back in Boston. She was nervous about starting over in a town she barely remembered but most of all, she was worried about what he would think of her.

Would he be okay with her and her changes? Would he hate her for what she had become? For the things she did, for the things she still does? Would he resent her and the fact that she wasn't the girl she was? Would he resent her for not promising him to behave? Would he want to send her back to her mother and never want to see her again? All these thoughts plagued her mind. The worry of rejection, the probability of disappointment and the fear of him resenting her was more than enough for her to go insane. But instead of going insane she'd take up residence in the bathroom and finally put to use the tiny bag in her bra.

Josie slowly made her way to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She took a deep breath before walking over to the tiny sink. She had always been a little claustrophobic but hopefully the bag that had been burning a hole in her bra would help with that too. She took the tiny mirror out of her purse and laid it in the counter. She reached into her shirt and pulled out the tiny bag out and smiled.

"Maybe now this flight will go faster." she mumbled as she dumped some of the powder onto the glass. She took out the tiny straw from her purse and leaned over the mirror. With one finger holding her other nostril shut, she sniffed along the length of the line and tilted her head back when she was done. A smile crept across her face as she looked back down at the mirror. She wiped the remaining dust from the mirror off with her finger and put it in the mouth. She looked at herself in the mirror as she removed her finger.

She felt immense guilt and disgust build up inside of her as she stared at herself. There's no way her brother would love her if he knew about this. There was no way he'd let her stay with him. She never took her eyes off of her reflection as she silently vowed to keep this from him. He couldn't know, he'd hate her.

What he doesn't know won't hurt him? Right?

Before Josie knew it she was being awoken by the same flight attendant. Josie sighed when she saw everyone else leaving the plane. She grabbed her purse and fell into the line leaving the plane. As she approached the door, a hand fell onto her shoulder. Josie turned to see the same lady.

"Remember, it's just family." she smiled. Josie smiled and turned back around to walk off. She hoped none of her thoughts from earlier were true. She hoped that her brother would love her even if he found out about her mistakes. She hoped he didn't send her away or let her leave again.

* * *

_Stop right there._

_That's exactly where I lost it._

_See that line._

_Well, I never should have crossed it._

_Stop right there._

_Well, I never should have said_

_That it's the very moment that_

_I wish I could take back._

-Who I Am Hates Who I've Been by Reliant K


	3. Time, Impression, Home & Worry

**Thank you to all who reviewed. I hope you like this and please review, I'm bashing myself over this...lol.**

**MissIndependent, I also have a huge crush on Ami!! So hot!**

**BEG75, Thank you! As I told the girls on the other place I post on, there will be more Tim and Holly to come, that's for sure. But I'm glad you like it. I'm working hard on it...lol.**

**HermioneandMarcus, Thank you!! :)**

**babe7878, Four Words-You Made My Day!! Thank you so much! There's more to the relationships and that will all come out in time. But thanks so much!! :)**

**becki2810, Thank you and I hope I don't let you down! :)**

**beccatdemon13, Thank you very much!! :)**

* * *

**Time **tīm- 1. the minute, hour, or similar measurement as indicated by a clock. 2. a moment or period chosen as appropriate for something to be done or to take place.

Time is very powerful and mostly underestimated. You can be late, you can be early or right on the dot. It passes fast and it's passes slow. The minutes and the hours may fly and so might the months and years. Some complain about things taking too long and some complain about not having enough time to work with. But most of the time, it's just us procrastinating. Don't waste time, live it and breathe it.

* * *

_"Procrastination is the thief of time."_

-Joseph Heller

Billy was, of course, aggravated. Trapper told him at the very last minute that he was the one that was going with him to pick up Josie. Trapper did that purposely though. He knew that if he told Billy beforehand that he wanted him to tag along, he'd find something else to do. He knew Billy didn't have anything to do so he was tagging along.

"It's 11:25pm." Billy growled. "Where the fuck is she?" he asked. Trapper sighed and looked around the front of the airport. Billy parked at the very front so all they had to do was pick her up and leave. He wasn't going inside or wasting time.

"She probably had luggage Billy. And it's not empty in there." Trapper sighed. Billy rubbed the edge of his nose and fixed his glasses when he was done. "And why in the hell are you wearing sun glasses at night?"

"Because I fucking can." Billy snapped. Trapper glared at him and he sighed. "Because I'm half drunk and these lights are killing me." he said and pointed to the lights illuminating the darkness. Trapper chuckled and lit a cigarette.

"The airport does light everything up, huh?" he asked. Billy nodded and sat down on the hood of his car. He was tired of waiting. He watched the doors and scanned every person as they walked out, looking for anyone that slightly resembled Josie. Trapper was antsy as hell. His foot was tapping the ground and his eyes were darting back and forth between the people like Billy's were. Trapper looked at his own watch and sighed when he saw it was 11:30. He turned to look at Billy across the car and frowned.

"What if she was lying? What if she decided not to come?" Trapper asked and laid his head down on the roof of the car. All the wrong thoughts were flying through Trapper's mind. What if it was a prank call? He almost laughed at that. It was definitely Josie that called, he knew that voice and laugh from a mile away. Billy rolled his eyes at his friend and looked back to the doors. A few more minutes passed and as Billy went to lean off his car and storm into the airport something caught his eye a few doors down.

"Holy shit." he mumbled.

He pushed his glassed how on his nose too see her better. Her wavy chocolate brown hair was lying on her shoulders and bouncing slightly as she moved and looked around. Her frame was still as petite as the last time he had seen her but not she was taller and more womanly. His eyes traveled up her long stocking covered legs and his head titled as he watched her move her hips as she looked around. He finally got to see her face when she looked down his way and he almost smiled.

Her face had not changed. Sure she looked older and she lost the baby fat but she was the same. Her tiny rounded nose and sly smile and dimple. Her eyes were just as rich too. Time had definitely done her justice.

He watched as she intently looked around and searched for him and Trapper. He looked over at Trapper and saw his head was still on the stop of his car. Billy looked back at the Josie and his face harden when he saw her looking straight at him.

* * *

Josie was afraid that he would leave her. She knew he was not one for patience. It was a virtue he was not born with and one she lost in the past six years. She was already late getting off the plane because the flight attendant wanted to play family counselor. But then she had to use the restroom and as she was washing her hands she felt something trickle down her face. She looked up into the mirror as the blood poured down her nose. She snatched a paper towel and shoved it to her face.

"Just great." she mumbled through the towel. She wiped her nose off and looked at her eyes. They were bloodshot. She sighed and pulled out a tiny bottle of eye drops. She tilted her head back and squeezed two drops in each eye.

"Shit." she mumbled and squeezed her eyes shut. She hated doing this but there was no way she was going out to see her brother with blood shot eyes. Sure the excuse of no sleep was good but she wasn't taking any chances. She threw the towel away before pushing through the doors. She looked around for signs of the luggage claim and bolted down the corridor when she saw one. She kept looking at her watch as she approached the line and she gaped at the mounds of people in front of her. She impatiently tapped her foot on the ground as the people slowly started to diminish. She looked at her watch when she finally reached the front and wait for her bags to come around.

"I told him to be here at 11pm and it's 11:20pm." she grumbled and snatched up two of her bags in one hand and the third in her other. She walked as fast as she could through the airport and for the front door. She smiled and felt her heart pick up to the pace of her feet as she brushed past people, muttering tiny apologies when she knocked into the. But she wasn't too sorry. She was excited to go outside and see her brother again.

She jumped to the door at the last foot or so and burst out the building and into the cool Boston night. Her eyes adjusted to the lights and she looked around for any sign of him. It hit her then that he might not look the same. She should have asked where he would be or what car he had. But she was too excited to think of that at the time. She looked down to her left and scanned the faces then slowly looked down to her left. Her eyes did a double take past one man and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head when she saw them. But it certainly wasn't her brother that caught her attention. She could only imagine what he was thinking when she saw him drop his head onto the mustang. No, her brother wasn't the cause of her sudden stop in motion.She almost didn't recognize him. The mane of dirty blond hair was gone completely and his already tall frame that she had remembered most about him was taller and more built. He no longer looked like the boy that she had last seen. No, this was a man. His face wasn't the smooth complex it once had been, it was scarred and told a story of his life. She noted that he has more tattoos too. When she had left he only had a small string of the tribal marking going up his arm but now she could see clearly the swirls peeking out of the neck of his shirt. The only thing that really jumped out at her was his eyes. They hadn't changed. Granted, they had probably seen more since she had last looked in them but they were the same bright, icy blue eyes.

She stared at him and memorized what she hadn't seen in forever and what she never really paid attention to until the felt someone staring at her. She shook herself out of the land she was in and her eyes connected with his. A smirk crossed her face when she realized he was checking her out and she started walking over to them.

* * *

**Im·pres·sion **im présh'n- 1. a lasting effect, opinion, or mental image of somebody or something. 2. a belief about or understanding of something.

They say first impressions are the most memorable, but some might disagree. Some also say that impressions are nothing compared to the real person after you get to know them.

* * *

_"Don't be over self-confident with your first impressions of people."_

-Chinese Proverb

Trapper heard Billy's mumbled curse and picked his head up. He was about to say something but notice Billy was staring at someone in front of them. He pushed himself off the car and looked the way Billy was. He thought for a split second that his eyes must have been deceiving him when he saw who Billy was looking at.

He couldn't believe this girl walking over to them was his littler sister. She looked the same just grown up. He was so afraid she would come back either exactly the same or completely different. But here she was looking like a taller more womanly version of the child that he lost so many years ago. She walked with a strut and such confidence and if it had been any other day he would have yelled at her for wearing something so revealing. He blamed that thought on the over protective brother in him and all the looks he saw the guys giving her, including Billy. She was gorgeous. Stunning to say the least. Time had changed her and he hoped it had all been for the better.

Josie smiled when her brother pushed himself off the car and look at her. She could see the shock on his face but it was quickly replaced with a big grin. Her heart melted with that grin. It wasn't just Trapper's, it was her fathers. It was the shit eating, cocky ass grin she could only dream about and now, she was seeing it again. Her tiny hands let go of the thick straps of her bags and she launched herself in his direction. Trapper effortlessly picked her up and spun her around. She hugged his neck as tightly as she could and fought hard not to cry. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him, she wasn't a baby anymore. Trapper held her to him and didn't want to let go. The image of the day she was taken from him six years ago flashed through his mind.

"I should have done this six years ago." he whispered as he held her tightly, trying not to break her. She couldn't fight it anymore after that. She felt the tears fall down her cheek and she kissed his cheek as he set her down. She smiled up at him while wiping her face.

"I'm sorry." she laughed and sniffed a little. He chuckled and grabbed her bags.

"If I didn't have a reputation to keep up, I'd cry too." he joked. They walked the few feet over to the car and Josie caught Billy's gaze again. Trapper didn't notice as he loaded her bags into the trunk.

Billy cocked his head to the side and looked her from head to toe. She definitely was not the girl that left six years ago. His eyes trailed up her longs legs and up to her face. She smiled at him and took a step closer, touching the top of the hood next to his thigh, tracing the red of the tribal markings. He watched her lick her lips and noticed the silver bar going straight through. His gaze moved toher fingers as she trailed them closer to his leg.

"William." she greeted and looked up at him. Billy narrowed his eyes when she called him by his given first name. He let out a grunt and turned away from her. She hid her frown as he blew her off and walked to the driver's side door. She looked over at Trapper and he smiled.

"He's still the same." he told. She looked through the windshield and smiled at Billy as he glared at the two of them.

"I can tell. He's still brooding." she said and walked over to the passenger's side door and crawled in the back. Trapper climbed into the front and shut the door. Billy's foot hit the gas as soon as the door was shut and Josie smiled.

"Sorry, it took so long." she said after a few moments of silence. "The flight attendant was clingy." Trapper looked at her through the rear view mirror and smirked.

"They are always kind of chatty, huh?" he laughed. Josie nodded and moved her gaze to Billy when her brother looked away. Billy's eyes darted to the mirror and connected to hers. He shook his thoughts and looked back at the road.

"She looks good." Josie commented and touched the leather seats she was sitting on. Billy looked back at her and nodded.

"Told you I'd fix her up." he mumbled, remembering the verbal lashing the two had one day about two months before she left. Josie had been with him and Trapper when they went to go buy the car. Billy had saved the money up so he could buy some kind of transportation but when he passed an old car garage he could not take his eyes off of it.

"It's broke." Josie declared as she stepped out of her dad's car. Billy glared at her and walked over to the gray rusted mustang that sat in front of them.

"It's a classic." Trapper told her and looked around the car with Billy. She huffed and stared at it.

"Yeah, a classic hunk of rusted metal." she sang. Billy snatched the glasses off his face and started to walk over to her before Trapper grabbed him.

"She's a kid." he whispered, trying to calm his friend down. Billy glared at her and turned back to the car. Trapper sighed and walked over to his little sister. He grabbed her hands and stared at her softly. She smiled, loving how sweet he was compared to Billy.

"Shut up." he hissed and walked off. Josie's face contorted with anger and shock as she watched him walk off. She waited there until both boys walked back and before she could get in the car, Billy grabbed her arm.

"I'll fix it. Just watch." he smirked and held up the keys and title to the car.

And that he did. It took him about a year but he got it looking brand new. He replaced just about part under the hood and got a new paint job. He worked over time for Bones to get it all done but he managed to do it. The black and red tribal marked car had come a long way since he first bought it.

"Yes, you did." she smiled and looked over at Trapper. "Is he still your chauffeur or do you finally have your own car now?" she teased. Trapper smirked at her and nodded.

"About four years ago we found another mustang. Just like this one." he smiled and Josie rolled her eyes. "Looks the same but mine is red with black markings." Josie laughed and shook her head.

"Couldn't think of anything original to paint on your car, Billy?" she asked. Billy and Trapper's heads snapped back to look at her, shocked. "What?" she asked. Billy and Trapper looked at each other and then Billy turned back to the road.

"You called him Billy." Trapper smirked.

"Okay." Josie mumbled not sure what the big deal was.

"You've never called him Billy. It's always been William." Trapper laughed. Josie nodded and leaned up between the seats.

"In case you've forgotten, I'm not twelve anymore. I'm nineteen. I've grown up." she reminded them. Billy looked over at Trapper out the corner of his eye.

"Yes, you have." Trapper nodded. He looked out the window and all of a sudden slapped his hands on the dashboard. "Where the hell are you going?" he yelled. Josie jumped and Billy looked over at him like he was crazy.

"The bar. We said we were going to stop by when we got her." Billy answered, a little aggravated at his outburst.

"Billy, look at her!" Trapper growled, pointing a thumb in Josie's direction. Billy looked over at his friend quickly and wondered if that was a trick question. Did he notice the staring match he and Josie had? A sly smile crossed Josie's face and she looked to Billy. He noticed that smile and turned to Trapper.

"What about her?" he asked casually. Josie frowned at his answer and looked over at her brother.

"I want to go. It's okay." she told him. Trapper shook his head.

"Not tonight. It's been along night and I know you probably jet legged." he told. Josie frowned and looked to Billy to try and talk him out of it but he just smirked. She fell back into the seat with a huff and they rode in silence with her and Billy sneaking glances at one another.

* * *

**Home **hōm- 1. The place where somebody was born or raised or feels that he or she belongs. 2. A place where a person or animal can find refuge and safety or live in security.

Home is where the heart is. Home is the place where you grow up and want to leave but get old and want to go back. Home is where you are loved and taken care of. Whether you live by yourself or with someone else a home is a necessity. It's the place you can run to when you need to feel safe.

* * *

_"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."_

Christian Morganstern

She didn't want to admit that she was tired but she was. The high was slowly wearing off and she was ready to go to bed. The flight was long and boring and today was just too much excitement. As much as she wanted to spend time with her brother, she was tired. She was home for good, so she'd have all the time in the world.

"Josie." Trapper whispered, lightly shaking his little sister to sleep. He wasn't sure how long she was asleep but it was Billy who pointed it out about 10 minutes before they got home. Trapper brushed some of the curls out her face and she stirred.

"What?" she grumbled. Billy chuckled and leaned back to look at her. Without warning he slammed his fist on the window beside her head and yelled.

"Wake the fuck up!" Josie jumped up and looked around frantically. Trapper couldn't help but laugh when she reached up and smacked Billy across the back of the head but stopped when Billy ripped his door open. Josie pushed Trapper out of the way to get out the car before Billy got to her. She started to run to the door of the building when a hand grabbed her upper arm.

"Whoa! Whoa! Let her go." Trapper yelled at Billy. Josie looked past Billy's broad shoulder to her brother and silently pleaded for help. Trapper slowly put a hand on Billy's shoulder and wedged between his livid friend and his sister. Billy glared at Josie and slowly let her arm go.

"Remember what you told us earlier?" he growled. Josie looked at Trapper and he stayed quiet. He was going to have to fill her in on some things before she got around Billy again. She stayed quiet and he got angrier. "Fucking answer me!"

"Yes." she snapped, also getting pissed. "I said I wasn't a kid anymore."

"Remember that the next time you decide to fucking touch me." he growled and walked back to his car. Without another word he pressed the gas pedal down and took off down the street. Trapper sighed and turned Josie to look at him.

"In the morning, we need to talk." he told her seriously. "Because a lot of things and people have changed since you were last here and you need to be aware of those things." Josie nodded and rubbed her arm. He kissed her forehead and grabbed her bags off the ground and helped her inside. She looked around as they walked inside the apartment.

"It's not much but it's been good to me." he said as he laid her bags on the couch. She looked around and turned to him smiling.

"You cleaned?" she asked. He laughed and nodded.

"I, uh, almost forgot how much of a neat freak you were and I headed here to clean after you called." he told her.

"I'm not that bad anymore but thanks. I bet it was a pig sty." she smiled. He nodded and picked her bags up again.

"It was." he said and nodded his head to the hallway. "I'll show you you're room." She followed him down the hall and he named off his room and the public bathroom as he passed them. He lightly kicked open the last door and walked inside.

"If it's too small, I'll switch with you." he said as he set her bags down. "We'll go tomorrow to get you a dresser and some other things." She smiled and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face his chest.

"Thank you." she whispered as he laid his chin on her head and held her.

"No, thank you for coming back." he kissed her head and pushed her back a little. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow might be a long day." he smiled. She nodded and watched him walk out the door and shut it behind him. She walked over to the bed and fished out a pair of night clothes to wear. She pulled her shorts and tank out and bit her lip when she saw a tiny baggy. She looked to the door and pulled the bag of white powder out. She frowned when she calculated she only had enough to last her a few more days.

"I'll need to take it easy until I find a new friend." she mumbled to herself and shoved it back into her suitcase. She threw her bags in the corner and crawled into the surprisingly comfortable bed and snuggled under the covers. She smiled as she closed her eyes. She was home. She was with her brother. Now the only thing she had to worry about was fucking it up.

* * *

**Wor·ry **wúr ee- to feel anxious about something unpleasant that may have happened or may happen, or make somebody do this.

Everyone worries. We worry about our children when they go out on their own. We worry about our parents when they get old. We worry about whether the world will end in a few years and we worry if we will be on the earth tomorrow. We worry about a lot of things. And a lot of those things we worry about are a waste of time. So worry not, nobody likes a worry wort.

* * *

_"Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."_

-Not Sure

Trapper let out a big sigh as he shut his sister's door. He rubbed a rough hand over his head and he walked over to the counter and grabbed his keys. He pulled his jacket on and quietly walked outside to his car. He drove the five minutes to her apartment and prayed she wasn't with a customer. He parked on the street and looked at her windows. He smiled when there wasn't a light on outside and walked over to her door. He knocked lightly and looked around as he waited.

"Hey." he smiled when she opened the door. Holly stared at him and poked her head outside to see if he was with anyone.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asked and pushed her door open to let him in. He walked in and shrugged his jacket off.

"Not much." he told her shortly and sat down on her couch. Holly looked at him for a moment, knowing something was wrong.

"You want something to drink?" she offered. Trapper looked up at her and nodded. "Anything special?" she asked as she walked into the kitchen. Trapper got up and followed her.

"Something very strong." he pleaded and leaned on the counter. She nodded and reached up to grab the bottle of whiskey and two glasses. She set them on the counter next to Trapper and he eyed the bottle.

"Chivas Regal. Gold signature?" he asked.

"It's whiskey. It won't kill you." she winked. "I get tired of Jack." she told him. He looked at the bottle and nodded.

"What's the 18?" he asked.

"It's how long it's been matured." she said and took the bottle from him. She poured him a glass and pushed it over to him. "Taste it." Trapper sniffed the drink and frowned.

"It smells fruity." he commented. She laughed and nodded.

"That's why they call it the gold signature. It has some orange notes. Just taste it already." she demanded. He smirked and tossed the drink into his mouth. He licked his lips and furrowed his brows as it went down.

"Not bad, Holly." he nodded and set it the glass down. She poured herself a one and filled his back up.

"So what's up?" she asked as she sipped her drink. Trapper sighed and shook his head. "Things go bad with your sister?"

"No, nothing bad." he told her. "She's just a lot more grown up than I imagined. She's gorgeous, Holly." she told her honestly. "I watched as she walked over to me and men were staring at her and eying her. She's fresh meat in Boston. I don't know what I was thinking letting her come here."

"Trap, don't be so naive." Holly scolded. "You honestly didn't expect her to be ugly, did you?"

"No, but now I wish I did." he mumbled and downed his drink. Holly smirked and poured him another glass. "I'm just scared something might happen to her."

"Trapper, you and Billy own these streets." she reminded him. "Why are you so afraid? You can have a pair of eyes on her at all times. I'd tell her first, but she'll be fine. Once the guys meet her, they won't let anything happen to her." Trapper sipped his drink as she spoke. He stayed quiet for a minute before speaking again.

"She hit Billy today." he told her casually. Holly's eyes widened and he chuckled. "Smacked him in the back of the head. He was pissed and I had to step between them but she did it without hesitation." he told and looked at her in the eyes. "See? She's already gotten herself on the receiving end of a bad situation. She doesn't know Boston. She's not ready."

"Then help her. Talk to her. Let her know what she needs to do and what she needs to stop doing." Holly told him firmly. "She's a big girl, she'll listen."

"I am. I'm talking to her tomorrow. Mainly, about Billy and the gang. She needs to know what I do. I can't keep that from her." he sighed. Holly patted his arm and smiled.

"Again, don't underestimate her. She might be fine with it all. Hell, she might even know already." she told him. Trapper nodded and stood up.

"I better get going." he mumbled and finished off his drink. Holly smiled and walked him to the door. "Thanks for today Holy. You've been a big help." he smiled. She waved her hand and smiled.

"It's not biggie. I just want to meet her soon. I want to shake the hand that slapped Billy Darley and lived to see the next day." she laughed. Trapper chuckled and looked outside.

"I'll see you later." he smiled and walked off.

* * *

_Well I'm going home,_

_Back to the place where I belong,_

_And where your love has always been enough for me._

_I'm not running from._

_No, I think you got me all wrong._

_I don't regret this life I chose for me._

_But these places and these faces are getting old,_

_So I'm going home_

_Well I'm going home._

-Home by Daughtry

* * *


	4. Infatuation, Dangerous, Confusion

**Thanks for the reviews!! I wihs I had time to say more but I gotta jet...lol. But thanks so much and I swear I will update soon!! :)**

* * *

**in·fat·u·a·tion** in fàchoo áysh'n- 1. an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something.

Usually this applies to a young naïve person that has this thing for an older person. Someone who they desire to be with. Someone who they idealize and fantasize over. We've all had our infatuations and we know how good they can feel and how far they can go. So I'm not sure if the fact that these infatuations are short lived is a good thing or a bad thing.

* * *

'_Purely sensual love is never true or lasting, for which reason first love is, as a rule, but a passing and fleeting feeling.'_

-Richard Von Krafft-Ebing

For a split second when she woke up, she didn't know where she was. Then she thought it was all a dream. But once the shock faded and reality set it, she smiled the first true smile in a long time. The feeling of being back home with her brother was more than enough to send her over to moon but also the chance to go see her father again. That might be a bitter sweet feeling but she felt angry and guilty for not forcing her mother to let her come seem him sooner. To Josie it just wasn't right to not see her father's grave. There were not fights or bitter feelings between them when he passed so she had no reason to not go see him, except her mother.

Josie blamed her for everything. Everything that had ever gone wrong, she could somehow pin it on her mother. It might sound rude and unfair, maybe even a little selfish, but she could. Kelly had done her no good. She took her away from her family and forced her into another. Forced her into a dead beat step father that used his money to get what he wanted in life. Josie liked money but it didn't make her happy. Sure, she loved going shopping and buying all the new fashions to look good but what she wanted, Kelly never let her have. That was to go back to Boston.

"Not anymore, bitch." Josie mumbled and stared up at the ceiling. She was still a little lagged from her flight yesterday but over all she felt fine. She was hungry but she wasn't sure if her brother knew what real food was. She closed her eyes again and was about to go back to sleep when her phone started ringing. She looked over at the table next to her bed and stared at it for minute before reaching over and grabbing it. Her grumpy attitude changed when saw Tim flash across the caller ID.

"Hey sexy." she answered in a low, sultry voice and giggled when Tim growled on the other end of the phone. She hadn't been away from him for a whole day yet and already she was missing him.

"Damn baby, don't do me like that." Tim whined. "I might be forced to come visit you sooner than expected." he joked. Well, he was half joking at least. It was no secret that Tim was smitten with Josie. Hell, even she knew this but there was far too much history and friendship to risk. He was pissed when she turned him down but a week later when she stopped by to tell him why she couldn't be with him, he understood.

"Like I would mind." Josie pouted even though he couldn't see her. "I miss you, Timmy."

"Yeah well, it ain't been the same since you've been gone. The guys nearly flipped when they found out you bailed without saying bye." Tim told her. Josie frowned and leaned back on her headboard.

"Tell them I'm sorry. I knew it would have been tough saying bye to them." she explained.

"No, it was hard but I had to." she defended. "I couldn't just leave you hanging."

"Alright, so tell me about it. How's it like back home? Talk to me." Tim told her. Josie smiled and sat up in her bed, Indian style.

"My brother was so excited, like you have no fucking idea. He's changed so much though. Like he just looks bigger and tougher that the last time that I saw him." she gushed.

"You staying with him?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, he and his friends cleaned up the place before I got here." she laughed and then bit her lip. "And speaking of his friends..." she sighed dreamily and trailed off. Tim groaned and knew what that sigh was for.

"You cannot already have your slutty little eyes set on some guy already." Tim whined, not wanting to believe that she already was looking for a night of fun. Josie huffed and moved to get off her bed. She held the phone between her cheek and shoulder as she walked over to the bathroom that was connected to her room.

"My eyes aren't slutty and yes, I do." she told him. "Remember the guy I told you about, Billy?"

"Yeah, the one that hated you." Tim sighed. Josie smirked and nodded as she grabbed her toothbrush from the pink and black bag she had on the counter.

"Yes, him. He was with my brother when he picked me up and Tim, let me tell you," she moaned and stuck her brush under the water. "The man is fine."

"I really don't want to hear this." Tim grumbled. Josie rolled her eyes and squirted the paste on her brush.

"I don't care." she shrugged and looked at herself in the mirror. "He's hot, damn hot. He had some tattoos when I left but now he has them everywhere, well from what I see so far." she smiled and started brushing her teeth.

"So far? You're planning on bedding him soon?" he asked in disbelief. "And are you brushing your teeth again? I hate when you do that." he sighed. Josie laughed and spit the extra paste into the sink.

"Sorry, but I like my pearly whites." she told him. "And yes, I am planning on bedding him because he's a fine piece of ass and I need a good lay. Plain and simple." She cupped some water in her hands and rinsed her mouth out.

"You actually think you're brother will let him get with you?" Tim asked. Josie still had the water in her mouth when he asked this. She stopped swishing the water around and stared at the mirror. Suddenly, she spit the water out and grabbed the phone with one hand while the other rested on her hip.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You've thought for a while now that your brother and his buddies were in a gang and you thought that if they were this Billy guy was the leader. Do you actually think your brother will let you go slumming with a gang banger? Unless you decide you want to come clean and tell him you're a druggie like he probably is, he's still going to think you're this sweet angel. He ain't letting his buddies corrupt you." Tim explained to her. Josie tapped her foot on the ground as he told her this.

Tim was right; there was no way Trapper would let Josie get any kind of touchy with Billy. She didn't want him to think of her as a child but she also didn't want him to know the truth. Josie didn't even want to think of the look on her brothers face if he found out she was doing drugs and all the other shit she had gotten into in California. Being with Billy would be a red flag. He'd wonder why she would want or be attracted to someone like Billy Darley. And even if she did hook up with Billy what would stop him from going off to tattle on her.

"I hear your wheels turning, stop thinking." Tim sighed. "Listen Josie, don't do this. You just got home and you haven't even been there for 24 hours, don't fuck it up over some infatuation you have with this guy. So whatever it is you're thinking of doing, don't. There are plenty of guys in Boston for you to have fun with."

"You make me sound like a slut." Josie frowned.

"Just don't mess this up. I know you don't want Trapper to find out what you've done and trust me, I understand. But trying to get with his friend won't help." he told her. Josie sighed and leaned against the bathroom wall. "Now, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Alright, just call me." she mumbled. "I miss and love you, Timmy."

"Same here, baby girl. Be good." he said and hung up. Josie moved the phone from her ear and pressed the end button. She threw it on the counter and leaned closer to the mirror.

Was it just an infatuation? Would it pass? Would she get him off her mind and find someone else? Or would she be old self and go after the impossible and end up ruining everything?

She shook the thoughts from her head and walked out of the bathroom. She walked over to her closet and pulled out a tiny blue jean skirt and a black strapless top. She slipped into another pair of black leggings that came to her knees and got dressed. She looked over at the clock for the first time and was surprised to see it flashing 12:35pm.

"He should be up by now." she whispered and opened her bedroom door. She walked down the hall way and stopped when she heard voices. She could hear Trapper's but she couldn't place the other one. She shrugged it off and walked into the living room flashing a smile to whoever was in there.

* * *

**dangerous** dáynjərəss- 1. likely to cause or result in harm or injury. 2. involving risk or difficulty.

Danger is everywhere. It's dangerous to fly a plane, to drive a car, to walk down the street. Hell, it's a risk eating a certain kind of fish. But that doesn't stop people from not only flying in a plane but from jumping out of it. If we lived our life by trying to avoid danger, we wouldn't be living. And not living life is dangerous too.

* * *

_'The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word crisis. One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of danger but recognize the opportunity.'_

-Richard M. Nixon

He could have killed Joe for waking him up so early. Granted to some 11am isn't early but after last night it was. Trapper was at the airport until 1am then when they finally made it home it was nearly 1:45am, and then he decided to have a chat with Holly and didn't leave there until almost 3am. Today, 11am was early.

"Did you come here for a specific reason or did you just want a free beer?" Trapper asked the youngest Darley sitting next to him. They had been talking and watching a movie for the last half hour and it just dawned on him that he had no idea as to why Joe stopped by.

Joe had the beer to his lips when Trapper asked him this. He moved the bottle away from his face and looked over at his friend.

"I forgot to tell you that, huh?" he asked. Trapper stared at him and wanted so bad to slap him even more senseless than he already was but figured that wouldn't help matters.

"No, Joe. You didn't." Trapper sighed. Joe nodded and sipped his beer again.

"I wanted to see if you wanted to switch with me?" he finally asked. Switching was when the guys wanted to, of course, switch corners or work nights. They all had their own corners and nights that they worked but sometimes things came up.

"Corner or shift?" Trapper asked.

"Shift. I saw that you were working 12th and Blue Ave. tonight but I figured you might want to spend some time with you baby sister." Joe told him. "So I'll take your 12th and Blue for tonight if you take my N. Lane and Yevin Rd. tomorrow. Deal?" Joe asked sticking his hand out. Trapper shook Joe's hand and nodded.

"Thanks, man." Trapper smiled. He was about to ask Joe if he wanted another beer when he heard tiny footsteps in the hallway. Trapper and Joe both looked over as Josie walked into the living room, smiling. Trapper noticed right away the way Joe's head tilted to watch her as she walked by and he could have shot him dead when he opened his mouth.

"Hey baby." Joe whistled. Trapper's blood started to boil but cooled when he saw the disgusted look on his baby sister's face.

"Not even in your dreams, honey." Josie smirked at the tiny messy haired boy. Trapper laughed and Joe shook his head.

"Billy was right, eh? She is sassy." Joe said elbowing Trapper in the side. Trapper nodded and stood up to walk over to Josie. She wrapped her arms around him when he got to her and then he pointed to Joe.

"Josie, this is Joe. Billy's little brother." Trapper introduced. "Joe, this is Josie." Josie was now interested in this kid. He looked nothing like Billy, except for maybe the cocky ass smirk that they both possessed when they thought they were all that. He had tattoos but none like Trapper or Billy and he wasn't nearly as big as his brother. He was tall like Billy, but too scrawny looking for a Darley.

"How come I've met him?" she asked Trapper and walked over to Joe. Joe stood up and held his hand out for her to take. She smiled warmly and shook his hand.

"We never had the opportunity to run into each other." Joe smirked. Josie raised her eye brow and stared at him.

"How old are you?" she asked.

"23." Joe told her and laughed when she looked shocked. He did not look 23. "Yes, I know I'm damn good looking for my age." he joked. Josie laughed and looked back at Trapper.

"Well, it was nice to meet you Joe." she smiled one more time. Joe nodded and set his beer down.

"You too, Josie." he smiled and looked at Trapper. "So that's a deal?" he asked vaguely, not knowing if she knew about Trapper's lone of work yet. Trapper nodded and sent a grateful smile to Joe.

"Yeah, deal. I'll see you around, Joey. Tell Billy I'm stopping by later. We got some things to talk about." Trapper nodded. Josie watched Joe leave and then turned to Trapper. "But now we need to talk." he said and pointed to the sofa. Josie sat where Joe had just been and Trapper sat next to her.

"Is this about last night?" she asked before he could open his mouth. "Because it if it, don't bother, I got it. Hitting Billy, bad. Shutting up, good." Trapper smirked and shook his head.

"It is and it isn't." he told her. "Josie, we've been apart for a long time. A lot of things have changed around here, we've changed. And if you're going to stay here in Boston, you need to know a few things."

"Alright." she whispered. Trapper took a deep breath and rubbed his head.

"Billy and I, we're known around here. That means we have friends and enemies." he told her. "The group we have they work under us. Hell, I work under Billy too." he sighed. This was way harder than he thought it would be.

"You're in a gang." Josie blurted out. Trapper looked over and gaped at her.

"How did you know?" he asked. Josie smiled and grabbed one of his hands.

"I put two and two together after I left. I saw the local gangs around my neighborhood and they all had something similar to one another. You guys must have the tribal tattoos." she told him. Trapper smirked and nodded.

"Yeah, we do." he said. "I didn't tell you because it was safer." he said softly, wanting her to know his reasons.

"I know. I understand." she nodded. "When did you start though?"

"We, meaning Billy and I, started running errands for his dad when we were 13. One day he asked if we wanted to help out more and we agreed. After that we started running our own corners and stuff." Trapper explained. "It wasn't until you left that we got our gang together. I mean, we had a few guys to help out but we didn't start the gang until you left."

"Is that all you do, sell drugs?" Josie asked. Trapper sighed and looked away. "Trap, I'm not going to hate you. Just because you might do bad or illegal things, it doesn't mean you're a bad person." she told him softly.

"No. We make them too. Buy them, make them, and sell them." he told her honestly. "We also do guns. But Billy deals with that mostly."

"How many do you have in the gang?" she asked.

"7 guys, not including me and Billy." he told her. "Plus, we have a few guys that work for us on the down low."

"Is Joe in?" she asked.

"No, he wishes though." he smirked. "Are you okay with this?" he asked. Josie smiled at him and nodded.

"I'm fine. I'm just glad you told me instead of letting me find out from some stranger." she said laying her head on his shoulder.

"Well, you needed to know. It's safer that way." he said and kissed her head. "But I got more." he told her. Josie lifted her head up and looked at him expectantly. "Boston is dangerous, Josie. As much as I hate to say it, I won't be there with you all the time so you'll need to be extra careful." he told her sternly and stood up. She watched him walk over to the desk in the room and open one of the drawers and pull out a box. Trapper sighed as he walked back over to the sofa with Josie.

"Once people find out who you are, that could stir trouble." he told her softly and almost died seeing the horror in her eyes. "But you've got me and a handful of guys that are watching out for you, Josie. Remember that, alright? But in case something happens and no one is close, you need to be prepared."

Trapper opened the box and pulled out a shiny metal knife. Josie stared at it as Trapper laid it in her hands. She looked at the carvings in it and teared up. It was her name on one side and her birth date on the other. She looked at the bottom of it and saw her father's name.

"He had it made about three months before he passed. He had one made for me and gave it to me on my 16th birthday." he told her as she studied the knife. "Just be careful and only use it if you have to." Josie nodded and wiped the tears off her face.

"So, uh how do I use it?" she laughed. Trapper chuckled and pointed to a tiny button on the side.

"Push that and the blade will pop out. Make sure you move your hand from the side though, it pop's out from there." he warned her. She moved her fingers out the way and pushed the tiny button. She smiled when the blade appeared from the side of the knife.

"Thank you." she whispered. Trapper kissed the side of her head and prayed she never had to use it.

* * *

**con·fu·sion** kən fyoozh'n- 1. the act of confusing somebody or something, or the state of being confused or perplexed. 2. a chaotic or disordered state. 3. misunderstanding of a situation or the facts.

Confusion is a bitch. Plain and simple. You hate confusing people and you hate being confused. There's nothing worse than not understanding something someone is saying. It's also hard when you're not too sure of the feelings someone is sending out. Then you have sarcasm and that send you for a whole other loop. You don't know whether they are mad, happy or whether they even like you. Again, confusion is a bitch.

* * *

'_Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not yet understood.' _

-Henry Miller

Billy was never confused. He understood things a lot more than people credited him for. He also didn't confuse people. It was real simple actually. It was his way or no way. What he said was what was to be done. There was nothing to be confused about. But never had he been so, what's the word, perplexed by one person.

"Perplexed." Billy grunted. He had way too much to drink and was thinking far too hard. "Jimmie, another shot." he slurred and yelled tot he bartender. Jimmie nodded and grabbed the bottle of Jack and another glass. Billy gave him a drunken smile and grabbed the glass.

"How many has he had?" a voice asked form behind him. Billy turned to see Bodie standing behind him. As Jimmie was about to speak Billy interrupted him.

"Why don't you ask me? I'm right here and I am the one drinking." Billy told him, trying to sound mean but failed miserably. See, Billy was a good drinker...to an extent. Give him a few beers and at max 10 shots and he's good. But you give him more than a few beers and a bottle of Jack, he's gone. A buzzed Billy was ballsy man. A drunken Billy was a mean and sly man. But a too far to be toasted Billy was almost child like. Even when he was past the point of knowing what was right and what was wrong, Billy still had control. Further than that was no man's land.

"Exactly, you've been drinking so I'm not likely to get a correct answer." Bodie told him and took the seat next to him. Billy glared and turned in his seat.

"I can count. I ain't stupid." he spat and took his shot. Jimmie sighed and looked at Bodie.

"That's his 8 shot and he had 6 beers." he told Bodie. Bodie sighed and looked over at Billy. He might not have been closest to Billy but he knew that man like the back of his hand. He only drank like this when something was really bugging him and the only reason he kept going was because not even the drinking would make it go away.

Bodie, personally, had only seen him like that once. It was almost four years ago when Billy's mother came back to town. She called and said she was coming to see him and Joe. The Darley's went to meet their mom at a local diner and to have what they thought would be a nice reunion but it wasn't.

"Hello, boys." Carla smiled from the booth. Billy and Joe smiled at her and took the seats across from her. She had been gone for nearly five year and just now showed up. They talked to her on the phone every once in a while but not often.

"Mom." the boys greeted happily. Carla shifted in her seat and she forced a smile onto her face. Billy noticed this and know was wondering why she was here. When she called she had told him she was missing them and had to see them but didn't give a straight answer as to why.

"What brings you to town?" Billy asked gruffly. Carla noted the tone of his voice and nodded.

"I needed to do this face to face." she said almost in a whisper. She reached beside her and grabbed a box and set it on the table.

"What's that?" Joe asked. She just nodded to it and Billy ripped the box open. He peered inside and frowned when he saw nothing but pictures of him and Joe when they were little.

"You came all this way to show us baby pictures?" Billy asked. Carla shook her head and held back tears.

"No, I came to give them to you." she told them. Joe stared at her, not knowing for sure what she meant but Billy knew what she was trying to say.

"Why?" he asked anyways. Carla's head snapped to her eldest son and almost glared at him. She knew he knew what she meant but she also knew that Joe didn't. Billy wanted her to tell her youngest son that she was leaving them for good because frankly, Billy was tired of breaking his little brother's heart for their mother. Every time she left or didn't show up, Billy was the one to tell Joe.

"I'm going away for a while." she whispered, trying not o look at either boy.

"You're always away, mother." Billy smirked. "What's different now?" he asked. Joe looked between them finally realizing he was missing something.

"Because I'm not coming back." she whispered. Joe's face contorted in confusion as he looked at his mother.

"What's going on?" Joe asked in an irritated voice. Carla felt the tears come down her face and shook her head.

"I can't do it, boys. I have a new life." she cried. Billy's jaw clenched and Joe glared at her. "I want you to understand. Charlie treats me well and he has children."

"Good clean cut children that aren't us, right mom? Charlie doesn't like us and he wants you to cut us out of your life." Billy growled. Carla shook her head and reached for them.

"No, he just doesn't understand and we need to be our own family." she cried to them. Joe looked away from her and shook his head.

"We are your family." he whispered. Billy looked over at his broken brother and stood up. He pulled Joe from the booth and pushed him to the door. When Joe was outside he leaned over to his mother.

"Go on and have your fairy tale life but you dare come back here after Prince Charming breaks your heart, I'll break your neck." he hissed and walked away from her.

That night everyone watched as Joe and Billy sat in the corner of the bar and drank away the night. Carla had gone to Trapper's and gave him the box of pictures and he put them away for the day when they sobered up. Bodie helped take Billy to Trapper's place and that's when he got to see what Trapper saw, the real Billy. He saw Billy break down about his mom and everything. Very few tears were shed but Billy it was what Billy said and how he talked. That night Billy look liked a real human being rather than Boston's infamous gang lord.

"So what's the problem, Billy?" Bodie asked and waved Jimmie for a shot. Billy sighed and looked over at him.

"Can you keep a secret?" he asked and waited for Bodie to answer. When Bodie nodded Billy spoke again. "I think Trapper's little sister likes me." Bodie nearly choked on his shot and coughed. Billy casually threw a hand behind his back and patted his friend's back roughly. Bodie winced and moved away from Billy's drunken but helpful hand.

"What do you mean likes you?" he asked slowly, dragging out the last two words. Billy went to wave Jimmie for another but stopped in mid wave. A thoughtful look passed his face as he paused and finally looked over at Bodie.

"I think she was flirting with me last night." he told Bodie honestly.

"In front of Trapper?" Bodie asked. Billy shook his head.

"When he wasn't looking." he muttered. "While he was packing her things into my car she got really close to me, she ran her finger down the hood of my car dangerously close to my leg, man. She stared at me the whole time I drove." In his head this didn't sound so immature but now that he heard himself say this he wondered if he was just imagining it. If it was just wishful thinking.

"She might have been trying to be nice or friendly." Bodie suggested. Billy sent him a look that said yeah right and Bodie chuckled. "Do you like her?"

"No." Billy answered a little too quickly. Bodie raised his brow and Billy sighed. "She's hot." he stated.

"Really?" Bodie asked.

"Like really hot. Like fuckable more than once hot." Billy smirked. Bodie laughed and held out his balled up hand. Billy hit Bodie's hand with his own and nodded. "She's one fine piece." he sighed and trailed off.

"But she's your best friends little sister." Bodie finished and Billy nodded.

"Yeah. And that's where it ends." Billy finished. As much as he wanted to try and get with Josie, she was off limits. Even if Trapper gave him permission, which was highly unlikely, he would still back off as much as he could. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was somewhat attracted to the girl he hated with a passion six years ago. But she grew up, she grew up a lot.

* * *

_Back in the day when you were young (it was fun)  
Little girl, didn't think you were the one (Now here I come)  
Your sexy walk, your sexy talk (That's what's up)  
Little girl, you're clearly not the same kid form the block  
You know I like the way you moving (Moving)  
Girl you're all grown up and now your ready to let it go  
Wanna be a big girl, got to prove it (Prove it)  
With a body like that you got a grown man ready to go_

-Big Girl Now by New Kids On The Block ft. Lady GaGa


	5. Protection, Paranoia, Reminisce & Flirt

**pro·tec·tion** (prə tékshən)**-** 1. the act of preventing somebody or something from being harmed or damaged, or the state of being kept safe.

Protection can come in many shapes and sizes. Some seek it in the police, some seek it in a gun or knife and some seek it in someone they trust. But protection is not always sought by the one who needs it. In some cases it is sought out by a someone else who wants to make sure a loved one is safe and in some cases, said person doesn't know about it. That, my friends, opens a whole new can of worms.

* * *

_We all live in the protection of certain cowardice's which we call our principles. _

-Mark Twain

Billy was a little uneasy as he walked into Trapper's living room. It wasn't long after his and Bodie talk that he got the call from his long time friend and was asked to come by for a little chat. Billy tensed thinking of the worst but drove over there after he sobered up a little.

"Yo Billy." Trapper greeted from the couch but never moved his eyes from the television. Billy took his coat off and laid it over the recliner before he sat down.

"What's up?" he asked. Trapper was silent for a few minute and finally turned his head to Billy.

"We need to talk." Trapper told him firmly. None of this was making Billy feel any better. Trapper looked serious and he never looked this serious. And no matter who was saying it, you never wanted to hear the words we need to talk. Face it, it was always bad. "About Josie." Trapper added.

Billy's head dropped into his hands and Trapper sent him a confused look.

"What?" Trapper asked. Billy shook his head and leaned back up.

"Keep talking." Billy grunted and reached for his cigarettes. He need to be calm and part of him wished he didn't take the time to sober up before he came over. Trapper ignored the sudden fidgeting that Billy started and clasped his hands together.

"I talked to Josie this morning. I told her about the gang and what we, what I do." Trapper sighed. Billy paused as he flicked his lighter over the edge of his cigarette and looked at Trapper. Maybe this wasn't what he thought it was going to be about.

"How did that go down?" Billy mumbled as he finished lighting his cigarette. Trapper chuckled and nodded.

"Surprisingly well. She sorta already knew about it." he smirked. Billy nodded and exhaled a long stream of smoke.

"You asked me to come all the way over here to tell me she knew what you did for a living?" he asked. Trapper laughed and shook his head.

"No, I was getting to that." he told him. "I need a favor." Billy put the cigarette between his lips again and waited for his friend to continue. "I gave Josie the knife our dad had made for her, she knows how to use it and she knows only to use it in emergencies." he started.

"But." Billy mumbled.

"I'm worried. Boston ain't a pretty place, you know that. She's not used to this kind of life. Drugs, violence, gangs. I'm worried that she will end up somewhere she's not allowed or end up doing stuff she shouldn't." Trapper explained. Billy nodded and looked at the tip of his cigarette.

"And you need to do what exactly?" he asked.

"I need you to watch her." Trapper blurted out. Billy's eyes quickly moved from the cherry to his friend.

"Watch her?" he repeated.

"Follow her, tail her, whatever you wanna call it. I want eyes on her at all times; make sure no hands get a hold of her." Trapper told him. Billy's mind went into overload on that one. Sure, he could keep eyes on her at all times but could he keep all hands off of her? He shook the thought and focused on Trapper again. How could he be thinking about touching this girl when his friend was counting on him to protect her?

"I'm not a babysitter." Billy reminded him. Trapper nodded, understanding that.

"I know but this is my baby sister we're talking about. You saw how quick she was to slap you and she was being playful. She doesn't know these streets yet. Who better to teach her and show her than you?" Trapper asked.

"Um you." Billy said giving Trapper a duh look. Trapper rolled his eyes and stood up.

"Fine. I'll do it." he said and walked into the kitchen. Billy took one last drag off his cigarette and stubbed it out in the ashtray before getting up to follow him. Trapper was leaning over the counter with his eyes closed when Billy walked in.

"I can't have eyes on her 24/7, Trap. And when eyes can be on her, it can't always be me." Billy told him firmly and Trapper sighed. "But I can have a pair of eyes on her most of the time. I told you this the other day; she's not going to get hurt. I will make damn sure of that."

"I'm just over reacting." Trapper sighed and turned to Billy. "I know she's a big girl and I know she's not a baby but I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to her." Billy nodded and walked over to his friend.

"Where is she by the way?" he asked.

"I sent her out to town to get a head start on shopping. She needs bedroom furniture." Trapper answered. "Told her I'd meet up with her after I got done talking to you."

"You got the money?" Billy asked. Trapper smirked and nodded.

"Yeah. I got the money."

"Joe said something about switching with you. He talk to you yet?" Billy asked and opened the fridge.

"Yeah. He left right before you got here. I'm taking his tomorrow night shift and he's taking mine night tonight." Trapper told him. Billy nodded and opened the top to a beer. "Drinking again?" he smirked. Billy narrowed his eyes and Trapper chuckled.

* * *

**par·a·noi·a** (pàrrə nóy ə)- extreme and unreasonable suspicion of other people and their motives.

Some are born with a natural suspicion of people and things. Others form it over the years by either doing stuff they aren't supposed to be doing or just by being neurotic. It's quite an aggravating feeling for the person that has it and for the people that are around them.

* * *

_Paranoia will get you though time of no enemies better than enemies will get you through time of no paranoia._

-Pete Granger

Josie wasn't all up for shopping that day but she had to get it done. She wasn't going to sleep on that tiny bed forever and she needed to get her clothes out of bags and into a clean closet and dresser. She didn't like to think that she was spoiled but she had the good life in San Diego. She had free reign of her mom and step-dad's credit cards as well as their cars. She bought and spent whatever she wanted to and wherever she wanted. She knew she was giving that up when she moved here but being with her brother was something she'd give it up for.

Now she was hiding out in the bathroom in a local convenient store. Trapper had almost pushed her out the door to go shopping so she didn't have time get her pick me up. She had enough time to slip the tiny, near empty, baggie in her bra and slip off to go shopping. And now that she was alone and had the time, she took advantage of it. Granted, it wasn't the best place to be doing coke but Josie never thought of that.

What was it that her mother always said?

"You're careless. You don't give a damn about anyone else or yourself for that matter. You don't think before you speak or act, you just do what you want to do. Damn the consequences and whoever gets hurt. And you say you want to go back to Boston, yeah right. Brian would send you back on the next flight out."

Josie frowned at the thought and quickly leaned over the tiny mirror she had laid on the bathroom counter and sniffed the line up through a rolled up twenty. She tilted her head back and sighed. She reached into her purse for her pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. She took the butt end of the cigarette and rubbed the end of the filter on the excess powder. Not only had Tim gotten her into the stuff but he had taught her little tricks along the way. A simple and unnoticeable way to get a small high was the cigarette trick. It wasn't a long or intense high but it was a way to relive the tension at work or in public places. She carefully stuck the cigarette in the corner of her pack and closed it.

Just as she was sticking the tiny mirror back in her purse the bathroom door flew open and a giggly woman stumbled into the restroom. Josie nearly dropped the mirror and her purse slipped from her hands. She quickly leaned down and grabbed her purse and stuffed the mirror into her purse and picked up the lip gloss that fell out.

"Sorry." the girl exclaimed. She didn't expect to scare someone that badly but then again if she was in there when someone came barreling into the restroom, she'd be startled too. She stuck her head out the door and yelled at someone.

"Jackass, don't be pushing me like that!" she yelled and left the door way to lean down to help Josie with her purse. Josie sent her a nervous smile and stood up. She smiled at the girl as she held out her tube of mascara that had rolled off. "Men are jackasses, eh?"

"Yeah, for the most part." Josie agreed and took the time to look over the girl. She was short and petite with a head full of dirty blond hair and dark green eyes. She was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a white wrap top. She had naturally pouty lips and an oddly feminine raspy voice.

"I'm Kenzie." she said holding out her hand. Josie smiled and took her hand.

"Josie." she smiled.

"Didn't mean to scare you. My brother thinks the stupidest things are funny." Kenzie rambled as she wiped some excess lip gloss off her lips. Josie smiled and zipped her purse up.

"Yeah, my brother isn't the smartest either." she laughed. Kenzie looked at Josie through the mirror and smiled.

"You're not from here are you?" she asked and laughed when Josie nodded. "You don't have the accent."

"Well, I was born here and moved to San Diego when I was twelve." Josie told her softly. She was a little weary of this girl. She was very talkative and friendly to someone she didn't know.

"Glad to be home?" Kenzie asked and frowned a little when Josie only nodded. "I'm not like a stalker or murderer. I'm just a people person." she told her, smiling softly. Josie smiled and looked over at the door.

"I should be going." she said and walked past the girl. Kenzie watched her as she walked off and then turned back to the mirror.

Josie stepped out of the store and took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself. This was the only thing she hated about being high, the paranoia. Everything and everybody was out to get her or was a narc. She loved the feel but hated the effects. She shook the run in off and walked down the street looking around for the furniture place that was supposed to be on this street.

She walked a few blocks and the paranoia came back when she felt like someone was following her. She turned to look behind her and didn't see anyone suspicious. She sighed and looked around again for the store. She smiled and jogged across the street when she spotted the store. She pushed the doors open and looked around the huge one story building full of beds, armoires and dressers.

She moved around the store slowly as she checked prices and complete sets, trying to get an estimate on something before lunch with her brother. She sighed again as that same feeling washed over her and she nervously looked around the store. When she turned back to look at the tag on the bed she was looking at she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Am I really that scary?" Kenzie chuckled as she waited for Josie to calm down. Josie took deep breathes and stared at the girl. "I didn't mean to but you forgot something at the store." she told her. Josie furrowed her brows and tried to think of what she was missing. Kenzie looked around and slowly pulled out Josie's near empty baggie from her pocket. Josie's eyes widened and she shook her head.

"That's not mine." she stuttered. Kenzie smirked and putt he baggie in Josie's hand.

"It's okay. I'm not a cop or something. I didn't notice it until I went to leave and I remember the mirror you had when I walked in." Kenzie told her softly as Josie stuffed the baggie in her purse.

"Well, thanks." Josie mumbled and tried to move but Kenzie held a hand out.

"I know you're new and I also now you're low on stuff." Kenzie started slowly hoping Josie would catch on. Josie looked at her for a minute and crossed her arms.

"Yeah?" she whispered.

"My brother has a great hook up. I never buy my stuff, I always let him do it. If you need something sometime, I'm sure I could get him to get you something." Kenzie offered. Josie was skeptical and Kenzie knew this.

"How about this?" Kenzie smiled. "How about we meet up one night and hang out? Get to know each other, I'll let you get a sample of my stash and if you want I can help get you a hook up. That sound better? Because I know the effects of this shit and you are freaking out right now." Josie smirked and nodded. "Here take me number and call me when you get free time." Kenzie smiled and wrote down her number in Josie's palm.

"Thanks." Josie smiled and looked down at her purse when it started to ring. She reached for the phone and Kenzie smiled.

"Just call me." she smiled and started to walk off.

"I will." Josie smiled and flipped her phone open.

* * *

**rem·i·nisce** (rèmmə níss)- to talk or write about events remembered from the past.

The joys of getting together with old friend to talk about the old days and how much they wish they were still teenagers or kids still. Starts off with good memories, then the bad, then there's the talk about what changed and what happened in the time they were apart. Reminiscing can be good and it can end up bad. I guess it's about where you'll stop or if you really want to lie.

* * *

_We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered._

-Tom Stoppard

He felt a lot better. He felt at ease knowing that he had Billy to help him look out after Josie. It wasn't that Trapper felt that he couldn't do it himself but he was afraid he couldn't do it. He was afraid that the fact that he had her back with him would cloud any of his judgment and he's slip up. It was his biggest fear. He feared it everyday that she was gone and he would still fear it until the day that he'd die. He was scared to death of not being the brother that he knew he was, he was afraid of not being able to take care of her or keep his promise to his father.

"I need to talk to ya, son." Ricky said and leaned on the bumper of the car. Trapper moved from underneath the car and wiped his forehead, smearing grease all over his face. Ricky smirked and threw him a towel. They had been outside working on Kelly's car for almost an hour and the temperature kept rising making both men regret saying yes to working on it instead of taking it to Billy's dad.

"Yeah, what is it?" Trapper asked, wiping his face off. Ricky sighed and looked around.

"Josie's turning 10 tomorrow." he started and looked at his son. "And you know as well as I do she thinks that ten is the lottery. She has big plans for this new decade coming up, as she so fondly called it yesterday." he chuckled and Trapper shook his head.

"Yeah, she's always got big plans, huh?" Ricky nodded and turned serious.

"I know you're staying over there with Billy but I need you to do something for me." Trapper got chills from the tone in his father's voice. It was serious but borderline scary. "I need you to look out for her."

"Don't I always?" Trapper asked and smirked but it quickly faded.

"Brian, these past ten years have gone by really fast. For the most part, we've kept Josie close off from the streets of Boston. She's getting older now and I'm worried about her. I need to know that if anything happens, you'll take care of her." Ricky pleaded. "Promise me you won't let anything happen to that little girl." Trapper felt the emotion rise in his chest as he nodded.

"I promise dad." Ricky nodded and patted his son on the shoulder before walking inside the house. Trapper watched him go and looked around at the city that scared his father so much. He'd never let anything happen her, he had to make sure of that.

"BOO!" came the shrill and loud voice from behind him. Trapper jumped a little and frowned when he turned to see his little sister. Josie had a huge grin on her face and had her arms crossed.

"Think that's funny?" he asked as he stood up from the bench.

"Actually, I find it quite hilarious." she winked and grabbed his arm. He chuckled and moved his sunglasses onto his head as they walked into the diner. The waitress sat them at a tiny table by the window and Trapper was the first to look at the menu.

"Men." Josie mumbled and looked at her own menu.

"So did you find anything you like at the store?" he asked while trying to decide on what he should get. Josie nodded and set her menu down.

"Yeah a few things." she told him. Trapper nodded and didn't take his eyes off the menu. "I found a couple complete sets I'd like to look at more." she added and kept looking at him. Trapper nodded once again and Josie frowned. She snatched the menu from his hands and set it with hers. Trapper looked at her utterly confused and she smiled sweetly.

"I'm talking to you. Look at me so I know you're listening." she told firmly. Trapper laughed and leaned back in his seat.

"You something else, ya know that?" he smirked and stared at her. "I knew you were sassy but damn, little sister." Josie smiled again and waved the waitress over. They ordered their lunch and waited for the girl to leave before talking again.

"We're going out tonight." Trapper told her. "I want you to meet the guys."

"Why?" she asked.

"So you know faces and names. So you know who to let in at night and who not to punch if they come up to you in the street." Trapper told her, purposely not telling her that they would also be following her around town. Josie sighed and nodded.

"Okay, that's fine." she mumbled and looked around. "They're giving us funny looks." she stated. Trapper grabbed his drink and looked around the diner. He shook his head when he saw at least four pair of eye son him and Josie.

"I'll give them something to stare about when I call Baggy and Spink in here." he smirked. Josie rolled her eyes and grabbed one of his fries.

"Let them stare. They're just jealous." she told him casually and popped the fry in her mouth.

"Of what? You're fantastic hair and legs?" he joked.

"No, of my smoking hot brother." she teased back. Trapper shook his head and stared at her.

"Did you like it in California?" he asked, softly. That caught Josie off guard. For some reason she didn't expect him to ask about California. She looked at him and shook her head.

"Nope." she told him shortly.

"Did anything bad happen?" he asked, wondering why she was so quick to answer. Josie's heart beat a little faster as the paranoia set in again.

"No, why would you think that?" she asked.

"You just haven't talked about it." he shrugged. Josie nodded slowly and started to calm down.

"Nothing to say really." she told him honestly. Trapper nodded and sipped his drink before speaking again.

"You've changed a lot." he stated.

"Was I not supposed to?" she smiled. Trapper chuckled and shook his head. They made small talk while they finished eating and Trapper decided to drop the subject of California. When they were done Trapper paid for the lunch and they headed back outside and decided to go back to the furniture store. They were silent as they walked and that started to bug Josie.

"I changed because I grew up and because Kelly didn't take the time to care about me anymore." she blurted out, only half lying. Trapper was caught off guard but composed himself and nodded.

"She didn't care that you weren't her little pageant girl anymore?" he asked.

"She didn't notice at first." Josie told him. "She met Michael, our step dad, not too long after we got there and he took up most of her time." Trapper sighed and wrapped an arm around her as they walked. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

"No, don't be. I'm glad I changed. I changed for the better." she whispered and fought the urge to slap herself for lying again. Trapper kissed her head and rubbed her arm.

"I'm just happy you're here again." he told her. Josie smiled and looked up at him.

"Happy enough to buy me the new Nissan Skyline?" she asked hopefully. Trapper laughed out loud and shook his head.

"Only in your dreams." he told her and she faked a pout. "Maybe in ten years though when the only ones they have to sale have been crashed three or four times and are about 400." Josie pinched him and he tightened his grip on her when she went to move from him.

"You smell!" she shrieked as he held her head to his chest, dangerously close to his armpit and she gagged.

"Now, now, now, don't be nasty." Trapper laughed and finally let her go. She glared at him and pulled the door to the store open. "And please don't break my wallet." he begged. Josie smile sweetly and walked off into the store.

* * *

**Flirt** (flurt)- to behave in a playfully alluring way.

Some say a little flirting is harmless and the majority of the time it is. Rules and Facts of Flirting: Some could see it as a way of teasing. Danger is not to be flirting with. Lesson Learned: Beware who and what you flirt with, it may come back to bite you in the ass.

* * *

_Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself._

-Helen Rowland

Josie was slightly nervous about going out tonight. On any other occasion the chance to go out was a good thing for her but tonight was different, her brother was there. Even when she was twelve Trapper was over protective, so she hated to think of what he'd be like now. Back in San Diego she could flirt her way to free drinks even though was was underage but would she be able to drink tonight? Would she be able to flirt at all? Some harmless flirting isn't a crime, right? The thought of her being good in a bar was almost laughable but tonight it seemed like it was going to have to happen.

"Alright go get dressed. I know you woman take forever." Trapper smirked and pushed Josie to her room. "Nothing fancy either!" he yelled as she shut her door.

She threw her purse on the bed and removed her shirt as she walked over to the bags on the floor. She picked one up and laid it on the bed, dumping all of the contents out at the same time. She sifted through the mound of clothes and picked up a dark purple mini dress. It was cut low in the back and ended on the tops of her thighs. She grabbed a pair of black heels from another bag and walked to the bathroom.

She wanted to go out and laugh at Trapper when she was done getting ready not even 30 minutes later. She had gotten dressed and done her make up in half hour, that was record time for her. When she was fully dressed and ready to go she stepped out of her room and walked into the living room.

"Trap-" she started to yell but stopped in mid sentence when she saw Billy stretched out on the couch. Josie scanned the room and didn't see Trapper but then heard the faint sound of the shower running from the hallway. Their eyes met immediately and Billy moved into a sitting position. "Billy." she greeted. His eyes narrowed at her change in tone. When she was yelling for Trapper it was almost playful but now it was lower, deeper. Seductive.

"What?" he mumbled and lit a cigarette. Josie smirked and walked over to the couch. He watched her carefully as she slowly moved around the couch and leaned over the back of it, her hands brushing the side of his neck as she leaned down to look at him.

"Why so cranky? You're about to go out." she asked. Billy never met her gaze. Instead his eyes were fixated on some speck on the wall across from him.

"Nothing I haven't done before." he stated and exhaled a line of smoke. Josie pushed herself off the back of the couch and walked over to the other side. She sat on the edge of the glass table and stared at him. Billy's fixation with that speck was broken when she slowly crossed her legs, giving him a sneak peak of her lacy black underwear. He ran his eyes from between her legs and all along the length of her legs. Since he had seen her she had always worn tights so he never noticed how smooth and toned her legs were. She smirked when she saw him look and he looked up to meet her eyes.

"See something you like?" she asked softly. Billy stared at her for a minute and took another long drag off of his cigarette.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." he smirked. Josie's smirk faded and was quickly replaced with a firm frown as she stared at him. Billy enjoyed watching her face as he shot her down, it was entertaining but he could only wonder how long he would be able to shoot her down before he gave in? Josie just figured he was playing hard to get. Two could play game and she was all up for it.

Josie regained her composure and leaned forward ever so slowly and plucked the cigarette from his lips. He glared at her as she stuck the cigarette between her lips and inhaled, her eyes never leaving his. She took the cigarette out and held it out to him. It took him a minute before he reached out for it but when he did he stubbed it out in the ashtray next to her thigh. She frowned a little and exhaled as he sat back. She was not liking his attitude.

"Are you really going to wear that?" he asked, nodding to her dress. He knew he had won this match and he was going to rub it in as much as he could. Josie pouted a little and looked down at her dress. "Trapper might not like some old guy asking for a freebie." he smirked. Josie's eyes widened as she stood up from the coffee table. Just as she was about to stalk back to her room, Trapper's door flew open and he stared at her.

"You really going to wear that?" he asked. Josie let out an aggravated squeal and stormed back to her room. Trapper was utterly confused as he watches his little sister run to her room and then looked to see his usually grim friend smiling. Trapper crossed his arms and glared at Billy.

"What got your panties all in a wad?" Trapper called after her. Billy chuckled at his comment and Josie looked mortified. The slam of her door echoed through the tiny apartment and Trapper turned to look at Billy.

"What did you say to her?" he asked. Billy lit up another cigarette and shrugged.

"Nothing." he told him casually.

"Seriously, what did you say to her?" Trapper asked. Billy held his hands up and smirked again.

"Just a little harmless fun, that's all." Billy assured and looked past him to see Josie standing there. She changed from her dress and was now wearing a white blouse with blue jeans and a permanent scowl on her face. Billy winked at her and slowly stood up from the chair he was in. She snarled at him behind Trapper's back and the three of them left the apartment.

* * *

_You're looking for some dirt, _

_I'm lifting up my skirt_

_I'm searching for a light under me in my purse_

_You always think the worst,_

_I just wanna flirt_

_You found me on my knees_

_Next thing you're saying 'tease'_

_I'm trying to find my phone and my keys, not you're sleaze_

_My spell is like a curse_

_I just wanna flirt_

-Flirt by The Pussycat Dolls


	6. Introductions, Jealousy & Amusement

**Sooo sorry for the long delay. It's been hectic. Thanks for the review and FYI I'm going to start replying by PM instead of on here. It's easier...lol. But for now I want to thank...**

**BEG75**

**MissIndependent101**

**lauraxxx**

**StraightEdgeQueen**

**mbmjr07**

**For the great reviews. Thanks so much!! :)**

* * *

**in·tro·duc·tions** (ìntrə dúkshən)- 1. the act of formally presenting somebody or yourself to another person in order to make that person's acquaintance.

Introductions and impressions, very important. Good first introductions and the impression you give people when you meet them is something that they remember for a long time. Some are good and some are bad. See this comes hand in hand with judgment. Who knew life was so difficult?

* * *

_'Don't be over self-confident with your first impressions of people.'_

- Chinese Proverb

The ride was silent. The tension was so thick a blind man could beat it with a stick. Billy was a smug bastard. Josie was irritated as hell. And Trapper, well Trapper was oblivious to the big tattooed elephant in his car. His mind was wondering elsewhere and right now, Josie didn't care where that elsewhere was.

She was pissed off beyond belief and it didn't help that whenever she would move to get comfortable Billy would either hit the brakes or take a sharp turn, making her slide around the backseat. He was happy with the current situation. He might not have had too many encounters with her yet but he knew what kind of girl she was. She was the one that thought she could have any man tied around her tiny pinky finger and he might have been if it wasn't because of Trapper. She had confidence but that was borderline egotistical at this point. He knew what game she was trying to play and he was not going to be a participant. Lord, knows he wanted to but there was a line and he was not crossing it. Not even for her and the legs he wished were wrapped around his waist.

No, for once in his life, Billy Darley was playing hard to get. Except there would be not getting. At least he didn't plan on there being any kind of getting. It was tempting but he wasn't sure if it was worth it. And for once in his life he was thinking way too much for his liking.

Josie on the other hand wasn't thinking about whether it was worth it or not. She knew it would be a little weird and she knew she would get one hell of a yelling at from her brother but now she was just determined to break Billy. Not meaning to be conceited but never had she been turned down before. She would admit she has had the occasional holier than thou attitude but for the most part she was pretty down to earth. She just exuded an amount of confidence that most wish they had and that some would call a major ego problem. So the fact the he looked like the kind of man to bed any women he could, it shocked her when he kept blowing her off. She was sure it had to be because of Trapper but she didn't see the big deal.

"Okay before we go in," Trapper spoke up as they pulled into the parking lot. Josie sat up and looked out the window and instantly frowned. The bar they praised so much was not only tiny but it was down right well, beat down looking. There were bikes parked out front along with Billy's car and a few old drunk men were leaning on the walls to steady themselves before they tumbled over. "Do not talk to anyone we don't introduce you to. Do not go off without someone else with you. I know you'll hate it but I don't want to kill some old guy tonight."

"Yes, father." Josie grumbled and rolled her eyes. To her surprise Billy turned back to her and shot her a hard glare.

"Fucking listen to him. I don't want to have to clean up a mess because of your ass not listening to what he's saying." he spat and Trapper nodded.

"Alright." she mumbled. Trapper got out his car and moved the seat up so Josie could get out too. Billy caught her eye as she got out. The way he moved out of the car so easily was almost intoxicating. He fixed his jacket and took the cigarette out of his mouth before he caught her watching. This time she wasn't looking at him with lustful eyes, it was more of an awestruck look. He was confused when she blushed a little and quickly removed her eyes from him. The thought of her not being so scandalous passed through his mid quickly but he didn't think too much of it.

"Oh and no drinking." Trapper smirked. Josie's jaw dropped as she glared at him.

"No fair." she exclaimed as he and Billy walked to the bar. Billy looked back at her quickly and jabbed his thumb to the door.

"Stop bitching and get inside." he barked and she growled as she started walking again. She stepped into the bar and waved a hand in front of her nose.

"Is this sanitary?" she nearly yelled to her brother, who had a firm grip on her waist as he and Billy weaved their way to the back of the bar. Trapper smirked down at her and she shook her head as she tried her best to not step on glass or a puddle of liquid in fear that it might not be spilled beer but vomit.

She moved her hand and looked around when she felt Trapper's hand move form he waist as he moved in front of her to a table. Billy didn't say a word as he disappeared down the back hallway. She watched him go but was snapped back when Trapper wrapped an arm around her shoulders and moved her closer to the table.

"Everyone," Trapper called to the table and pointed a finger at Josie. "This is Josie. My little sister." he announced. She watched the table members looked over and looked over up and down. She rolled her eyes and looked up at Trapper.

"These are your friends?" she said as low as she could. Trapper chuckled and pointed back to the table.

"You already know Joe," Trapper told her and pointed to the boy that had tried to hit on her earlier. He winked at her and she smiled a little, feeling a little comfort that she knew at least one person here besides Billy and her brother.

"Beside him is Baggy," he pointed to a man with blond hair styled as a mohawk and the tattoo Carpe Diem tattooed on his neck. He nodded to her casually and turned his attention back to his drink.

"Then Jamie," Trapper pointed and the guy next to Baggy raised his head. He looked a tad older than all the other guys but still had the feel that he could kick your ass. They all looked to have trademarks and his had to have been the bandana around his head.

"At the end down there is Tommy." Josie looked to see the one that had the oddest tattoo of them all. It was on his face. He gave her a slow wink and she scoffed making the guys laugh. Trapper gave him a pointed glare and then continued with his tiny introduction.

"Across from that idiot is Spink and beside him is Heco." he told her. She smiled a little at the two darker skinned men. Heco was sporting the ever so popular bald look and had a lip ring. Spink had a buzz cut and almost looked like the nicer one of the group but she almost laughed at that thought. If he was in this gang, he wasn't nice.

"And this man right here," Trapper smiled and laid a hand on the black man's shoulder. "This is Bodie." Josie smiled at the man and he nodded slowly.

"Nice to finally meet you. You're all we've heard about as of late." he told her. Trapper chuckled and motioned for him to move over.

"Where's Dog at?" he asked looking at Bodie. Josie stared at him for a minute before Joe stood up and pointed to his seat.

"Have a seat." he smiled and walked over to grab a chair. She smiled at him again and Trapper shrugged his shoulders when she glared at him.

"Dog is getting his ass bit." Bodie smirked and pointed to the hallway where Billy had gone earlier. "He let a corner sit while he had some fun with the ladies at The Gold Club." Josie was listening to their conversation but slowly tuned them out as she turned to look at Joe who had pulled his chair up next to her.

"You guys actually like it here?" she asked, leaning closer to him so he could hear her. Joe nodded and looked around; the place was a mess tonight.

"It's not usually this bad. Baggy's sister Michelle works here but she's sick so Juan is down a waitress." Joe told her and pointed to the Hispanic man behind the counter. "He'll be pitching a fit when the night is over." he watched her nod her head and sigh deeply. "You want me to buy you a drink? Juan won't care as long as you don't say anything." he offered. Josie smiled at him and nodded to her brother.

"Big brother said no drinks for me." she told him. Joe laughed, remembering the times that Billy would never let him drink or smoke. The only refuge he had was when Billy was gone and when Bodie was high enough to pass him some without anyone knowing.

"Well, you'll have to come here one day when he isn't here. I'll buy you a few as long as you don't tell." he told her. Josie nodded and started to feel the nerves wear away. Just as she said this a tiny red head walked up to the table. She looked at Trapper who immediately turned away from his conversation with Bodie and smiled at the girl.

"Holly, I was wondering if you were coming or not." he said and stood up. Holly laughed and shook her head, happy that Billy was no where in sight as of yet and that Trapper was worried that she might not come. Then mentally kicked herself for caring that he might have cared.

Josie wasn't sure what to make of this girl. She was kind of pretty. Not to tall and not too skinny and had a head full of curly red hair but she seemed nice. She saw the way Trapper blocked everything else to focus on her and Josie didn't really like that too much.

"I would have called but I got hung up at work." she told him. She saw Trapper wince when she mentioned her work and looked over at Joe who was looking back at her. He saw the look she was giving Holly and moved closer to her.

"You play pool?" he asked. Josie nodded and smiled when he moved from his seat. Josie followed suit but was stopped when Trapper grabbed her arm.

"Wait, where are you going?" he asked. She felt all eyes on her and then felt Joe step up beside her.

"To the tables." Joe answered for her and pointed back to the pool tables. "I'm going to see if she's better than you or if we have another lousy player on our hands." he teased. Trapper glared at him and looked at Josie.

"Stay with him." he warned and let her arm go but only to grab it again. "Oh this is Holly." he said. Holly smiled brightly at her and stuck her hand out.

"I've been wanting to meet you. Trapper's said wonderful things about you." Holy beamed. Josie stared at her and her hand then slowly began to walk backwards.

"Yeah, okay. I'm going now." she said and turned around. Trapper and Holly shared a looked and he was about to walk over to Josie when Billy walked back from the back room and over to the table.

Josie and Billy shared a quick look as he stalked over to the table she and Joe were just at. He looked pissed and Joe nudged her with his elbow.

"I wouldn't stare too long." he smirked and passed her a pool stick. Josie narrowed her eyes at him and grabbed the blue chalk for the end of her stick.

"I could have said the same to you earlier today." she retorted and he nodded.

"I can't help it. You're hot." he told her honestly.

* * *

**jeal·ous·y** (jélləssee) – possessively watchful of something

It's a feeling that we all get, so don't lie. It's a feeling that can rise in any situation and it sucks. It ruins relationships, friendships and may even leave you in jail if you're not careful. Lesson? Payback may be a bitch but jealousy is her best friend.

* * *

_'Like hatred, jealousy is forbidden by the laws of life because it is essentially destructive.'_

-Alexis Carrel

"So who is that girl?" Josie asked as she lined up another shot. She tightened her fingers around the stick and quickly took her shot.

"Holly, you know that." Joe answered grimly as he watched her second striped ball in a row fly into the pocket.

"You know what I mean, Joe." Josie said firmly. Joe smirked and looked over to Holly and Trapper. He felt Josie stand next to him and sigh. "He hasn't said one word to me since she walked in. Not one." she complained.

"Jealous?" Joe teased. Josie shot him a dirty look and shook her head.

"Of her? No way in hell." she told him. "Just aggravated." Joe chuckled and pointed to the table. He watched her look for another shot and smirked when she leaned down in front of him and quickly took her shot, missing on purpose.

"She's been around for a little while. Her and Trapper were pretty close to begin with. He tried to help her out of her deal with Billy." Joe explained. Josie's ears perked up and she turned to look at Joe.

"What deal?" she asked. Joe was about to take his shot when he looked up at her.

"You don't know?" he asked. Josie stared at him impatiently and shook her head. "She works for Billy."

"She sells?" Josie asked in disbelief. Joe chuckled again and took the time to take his shot.

"No, she's a," Joe sighed and stood up. "A hooker." Josie's eyes bulged form her head and she turned to look back at her brother and his hooker friend.

"My brother is slumming it with a hooker!" she exclaimed in a harsh whisper. Joe laid his stick down and pulled her over to the wall.

"Listen, nobody is better than anyone else in this bar. We're the low life's compared to the people you left back in California. She makes a living and supports herself. It's more than I can say for you. Have you ever had a job?" Joe asked trying not to sound rude or upset her. Josie stared at him and crossed her arms.

"You're comparing me to a hooker? Do you realize how much of an insult that is?" she asked him, taking complete offense.

"Do you realize how much of an insult it is for you to come back here and look down on us? Right now, you're no better than we are." Joe said honestly. Josie sighed and looked over at her brother and Holly.

"I just don't like her. She sleeps with other men. How can he like that or be okay with that?" she wondered out loud. Joe looked over to the two of them and shrugged.

"Maybe he sees something we don't." he offered up. Josie looked at him and rolled her eyes.

"Is this what my life has come to?" she asked. "Getting words of wisdom from a twerp like you." she teased. Joe held a hand over his heart and stumbled into her as they laughed.

"Aww you're killing me here." he exclaimed.

Billy wasn't pleased when he found out that Dog was ditching his corner to go play pimp at the local strip club. It was bad enough that business was so light that he only had one corner running but to have that corner empty. He was livid. Billy expected Heco to be the one to fuck up but not even he would leave his corner unattended.

Billy hoped his night would get better after he finished chewing out Dog and left him almost broken and bleeding in the back room but when we walked out and saw Holly at his table, he knew it wouldn't get better. He stalked over to the table and Josie caught his eye for a split second before he sat down.

"Did he survive?" Bodie smirked as Billy sat down. Billy pulled a cigarette from his pack and lit it quickly before looking at Holly.

"Don't you have someone to be fucking right now?" he hissed. The table went silent and Trapper sent him a harsh glare, which Billy returned.

"No, my night was done actually." she told him confidently. He stared at her for a minute and shook his head at Trapper.

"Go order us a round." he grumbled and Holly reluctantly stood up. Billy didn't return the glare Trapper was giving him but he knew it was for him.

"Why do you have to treat her like that?" Trapper asked.

"Because she let's people she don't know treat her like that." Billy answered casually.

"You offered her this job." Trapper told him.

"Yeah and she took it. That's not my fault." Billy retorted. Trapper sighed and looked behind Billy to check on Josie and Joe. "Where's the girl anyways?" Billy asked, not seeing Trapper checking on her.

"Flirting with Joey." Baggy laughed and pointed behind them. Billy slowly turned around and saw his brother and Josie. They were laughing and she kept touching his arm when she did. Joe was enjoying every minute of this but Billy, he wasn't. He kept his gaze on them and watched as they played their game of pool and chatted.

Billy knew this girl was getting to him. He knew it. She had brought out so many different emotions and made him think things he never would have thought in the past three days. She was driving him insane.

He turned back to the table and stubbed his cigarette out. He tried to push it away but the feeling of jealousy was eating at him. Why would she be flirting with Joe? She didn't notice he was staring so she couldn't have planned it. Was she over him already? And why in the hell was this bugging him?

"Joe wishes she was flirting with him." Trapper laughed and moved over when Holly came back with their drinks. "He tried to hit on her this morning and failed miserably. They're close in age, probably just being friendly." Billy looked back over his shoulder and smirked. That answered his questions. He was turning around when Josie spotted him staring at them. She winked at him and he rolled his eyes.

"So she's quite the looker, eh?" Bodie spoke up. Billy knew he was talking to Trapper but he was looking at Billy.

"Yes and none of your slimy hands better touch her. That's my sister." Trapper warned. Billy glared at Bodie and in turn he smirked and nodded behind him. Billy turned his head up just a little to see Josie standing beside him. What surprised him was that she wasn't looking at him but at Trapper and Holly. Josie leaned down so her head was next to Billy's.

"I don't like her." she told him. Billy saw the look on her face. It wasn't one of anger like it was with Joe, it was hurt too. For once since she has been here, he saw a more vulnerable side of her. She was upset that Trapper was spending time with Holly instead of her, which was the whole reason for tonight. Billy looked over at Trapper and shoved the tray of drinks at them, making a few spill over, to get his attention.

"Hey, watch it." Trapper grumbled and looked up to see Josie and Billy looking at him. "What?"

"Josie wants to go home." Billy told him, making up a lie to get him away from Holly. Trapper nodded and moved to get up with Holly. "Leave her here." Billy ordered, looking at Holly. "Take your sister home. Holly will be fine."

"Alright." Trapper mumbled and gave Holly a quick kiss on the cheek before looking at Josie. "Let's go." he whispered and started walking to the door. Josie looked at Billy, silently thanking him, and he nodded a little.

"Bye guys." she smiled and waved to the table. An echo of goodbye's sounded as she turned and walked off after Trapper.

* * *

**a·muse·ment **(ə myoozmənt)- the feeling that something is funny or entertaining.

There's nothing funnier than someone trying to use something they don't have. It's even funnier when they try to say they have it only to realize they really don't.

* * *

_'Beauty can't amuse you, but brain work-reading, writing, thinking- can.'_

-Helen Gurley Brown

Josie wasn't in the best mood the next morning. She was still really pissed off that Trapper had abandoned her for that hooker. Sure, Joe was fun and he wasn't all that bad but it was the fact that she had been in town for a few days and the first time she gets to spend real time with her brother, he pushes her to the side. But most of all she was a little confused at Billy's actions. It was like he knew she was upset and what was upsetting her. Then he actually lied for her, well lied to help her out. It was almost nice of him but nice didn't seem to go side by side with big, burly and tattooed.

She slowly got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom door and pushed it open. She looked at herself in the mirror as she opened her make up bag and pulled out the tiny baggie and mirror. She sighed when she noticed her skin was slightly paler than it should be. It wasn't the soft tanned tone that she got from her father, it looked worn. She was 18 years old and she already looked worn out and tired. That could only be from too much of one thing.

"But I'm not ready to give it up yet." she sang softly as she spread the small amount of white powder on the mirror and cut it up with her finger nail. She took the tiny cut off straw and in yet another motion, it was gone. She closed her eyes and sighed contently as the familiar tingle started to work over. She put everything away and threw the make up bag into the corner of the counter before walking out of the bathroom and straight into the bedroom. She threw on a pair of sweat pants before walking into the hallway and venturing into the living room.

When she did she heard the familiar clinking of pans and the opening and shutting of the refrigerator door. She smiled when she walked into the kitchen to find her older and only brother standing there bent over the stove starting at a box of Bisquick Pancake Mix like it was a Chemistry book.

"Difficulties?" she asked and walked over to the table. Trapper stared intently at the box in front of him and scratched his chin.

"Maybe." he mumbled. "Maybe not." Josie smirked as she sat down at the table and reached over to the bowl of blueberries. She scooped a few up in her hand and popped one in her mouth.

"Problems?" she asked cocking her head to the side to see his face. He ignored her this time and turned the box over to read the other side but ended up sighing and throwing it in the sink. "Bri, talk to me." Josie chuckled. Trapper turned just enough to send her a stern glare and then picked up the mixing bowl that was in the other side of the sink. He walked over to the table and set it in the table in front of her. Josie cautiously looked over into the bowl and pursed her lips together to prevent her laughter.

"Laugh and I will kill you." he warned seeing her face turn pink and then slowly to red. Josie shook her head and placed a finger over her lips. "I mean, J. It's not funny. I read the directions and it turned out like this." he whined and scooped up a spoon full of runny, liquidy batter with the spoon and let if drip back into the bowl, almost like water.

"I, umm." Josie squeaked, trying not to laugh. Trapper watched as she shook a little and then took a few deep breaths before trying to talk again. "Thanks for trying?" she offered as words of comfort. Trapper sighed deeply and plopped down into the chair next to her.

"I suck." he declared.

"Now's not the time to come out of the closet." Josie quipped and rubbed his shoulder. He shot her a death glare and picked a blueberry up to throw at her.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that." he told her and laid his head down. "I just wanted to make you a nice breakfast." he mumbled. Josie smiled softly and pulled the bowl over to her.

"Well, I think I can fix it." she commented and swirled the runny batter around with the spoon. Trapper lifted his head up off the table and peered over at her.

"Really?" he asked. Josie smiled and nodded.

"Yes, who do you think dad learned from?" she said and walked over to the kitchen counter. Trapper chuckled and turned in his seat to look at her.

"You taught him how to make pancakes?" he asked as she picked up the box and poured more mix into it.

"Yeah, remember when mom had to have her wisdom teeth removed and she was in the hospital for a day because she didn't wake up from the anesthesia?" she said turning around, bowl in hand, to look at him.

"Yeah." he nodded.

"That's when he decided to make pancakes but he failed. I had to show him the right consistency and everything. It was kind of funny but in the end he made better pancakes than mom." she smiled and stirred the batter.

"I was wondering why she stopped making them for you. I thought she just got lazy and dad took over." he commented. Josie shook her head and walked over to the table again.

"Nope, I told her I wanted dad to make me breakfast for now on." she smiled and showed him the bowl now thicker than before. "That's what it should look like. The recipe on there calls for more milk than it should. If you like thin pancakes, that's fine, but not me." she told him. Trapper chuckled and took the bowl from her as he stood up.

"Now teach me how to cook these damn things." he said and walked with her over to the stove.

* * *

_Maybe we can sleep in_

_I'll make you banana pancakes_

_Pretend like it's the weekend now_

_And we could pretend it all the time_

_Can't you see that it's just raining _

_Ain't no need to go outside_

-Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson


	7. Friends and Favors

_**fa·vor **_[fáyvər] - an act of kindness performed or granted out of goodwill.

A favor can be a tricky deal. Some don't do favors in fear of being screwed over. Others think it's the good deed of their life.

_

* * *

_

"_Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."_

-Mark Twain

Breakfast went a lot smoother after Josie helped Trapper out. Granted, they did burn one pancake when they got sidetracked after Josie smeared batter on Trapper's face and he retaliated. But for as normal as it could get, it was great. It was the first real breakfast that either had in years and they enjoyed every minute of it.

"Well, I have to admit, Bri. That was good." Josie smiled at him as she grabbed their plates and walked over to the sink. Trapper couldn't help but smile as he wiped his mouth and got up to follow her.

"Thanks to you." he laughed and walked up beside her at the sink.

"I only helped." she smiled and turned the water on. He shook his head and started to push her over.

"I'll clean up." he offered and grabbed the dish soap. Josie watched as he started the dish water and smiled.

"You sure?" she asked before moving away from the sink.

"Yeah, I'll get it." he nodded.

"Alright." she said and back away. "Well, I'm going to jump in the shower." she said and walked to the door.

"Is that what I smell?" Trapper teased as she got to the door frame.

"Fuck you." she smiled and kept walking.

"Seriously!" he yelled and waited for her to look back at him. "Jump? You could just step in." he teased more. She turned around and sent him a playful glare whilst flipping him off and he laughed.

"I'll be back." she called and walked to her room with a bright smile on her face. She hadn't felt so at home in forever. No matter how hard Kelly and Michael tried, they never made her a home and after a while they gave up. They got tired of trying to take the initiative to make her feel loved when she was fighting it to the bone. But she knew the only reason they wanted to keep her happy was to try and keep her distracted from Boston and keep her here. They wanted to make her another world that she didn't want. Why? Because her father and brother were not there.

After her semi long shower, she stepped out to see her phone blinking. She wrapped her cotton robe around her tightly and walked over to the sink. The number that called was blocked but she had a voicemail. Even though she had a bad feeling about it, she turned it on speaker while she towel dried her hair.

_'New voice message from UNKNOWN NUMBER received at 11:38am.'_

The recording filled the room as she bent over to shake her hair into the towel and then like nails scratching down a chalk board the caller's voice replaced it.

_'I don't know who you think you are!'_

Josie's head popped up and stared at the phone as the high pitched, screeching voice filled the room. It was the voice the dreaded to hear and wished show would never have to hear again. It was her mother's voice.

_'But you better get your ass back to San Diego ASAP, Josephine! You don't just up and leave me and steal my money. You had no right. And don't think I don't know where you are, I talked to that damn friend of yours. It took some time but I got it out of him.'_

Her heart sank when she heard that. Her mother was ruthless. She'd go to extreme links to get what she needed. So there's no telling what Kelly had done to Tim.

_'And I know you went back to that brother of yours and I'm telling you know, he will fuck it up and you'll regret it. You'll regret ever giving me hell and leaving. So go ahead and leave now. I have a plane ticket for you already. The flight leaves Friday at noon, your time. So you have two days to say goodbye.'_

The click of the ending message kept repeating in her head until she snapped herself out of the trance. Tears of anger filled her eyes as she slammed the phone shut and threw it on the counter. She expected her mother to do this but never thought that it would be this hard to face it. The reminder that Kelly hated her own son this much was too hard to think about. Josie might not the urge to be a mother but she could not comprehend hating her own child if she had one in the future. It wasn't something she could do whether she wanted the child or not. And again, although she did not see herself having kids on the future she was afraid that if she did, she would be just like Kelly.

She hesitantly reached for her phone again and flipped it open. She dialed the familiar number even though she was sure he wouldn't pick up.

"Come on, Tim. Please." she whispered as the phone kept ringing. Sighing she shut the phone and tossed it on the counter again. He always answered her phone calls even if he was busy. The only time he wouldn't answer was when he was really mad at her or upset.

Josie wiped the tears off her cheeks and reached for her make up bag. Her inner voice of reason told her not stop because Trapper was home but her body craved for it. So in an attempt to clam herself she grabbed the familiar baggie and the tiny mirror she stashed with her lip gloss and mascara. But she immediately frowned when she poured the last bit of her drug of choice out. She knew she'd run out eventually but this bag went fast and she still didn't have any friends to held her out. The only people she knew of her brother and Billy was Joe and she doubted that he would help her out.

_Wait._

It was as if a light bulb went off in her head and she ran into her room heading for the dirty clothes basket. She dumped the clothes out and searched through all her pants pockets until she came across the tiny piece of paper that held one number. The number that was previously written down on the palm of her hand.

Kenzie's number.

She walked back into the bathroom and grabbed her phone again. As she dialed the number she sat down on the toilet lid and then waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello?" a raspy female voice answered.

"Kenzie?" Josie asked hopefully. She hated calling people she didn't know. She always gave her number out and had people call her. It made her feel better and on top of everything. Josie was a little conceited but it came from all the years Kelly tried to spoil her.

"Yeah, who's this?" Kenzie asked, sounding wary, and Josie squeezed her eyes shut.

"Uh, this is Josie." she answered nervously, picking at the stray string on her pants. "We met the other day at the gas station."

"Yeah, you were the one I scared when my ass of a brother pushed me." Kenzie laughed. Josie noticed that it was more calm and friendly now. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing just sitting around my house with my brother the pancake killer." Josie smiled and stood up to walk into the bedroom. This wasn't as bad as she thought it would be.

"Sounds fun." Kenzie laughed again and Josie sat down on her bed.

"Yes, it's a joyous occasion." she joked and fiddled with her fingers when a small silence took over.

"Well, then how about we make it even more joyous?" Kenzie asked softly and Josie's smile widened.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked casually.

"You know where Forsyth Park is?" Kenzie asked.

"Yes." Josie nodded and remembered all the time Trapper and her dad took her there to get out of the house. It was the only good park in there neighborhood and it was a staple for all kinds of kids.

"Meet me there in 20 minutes." Kenzie told her and hung up. Josie smiled as she flipped her phone shut.

"Alright. See you then." she whispered and walked over to her closet to grab a different pair of jeans and shoes. Maybe this day wasn't going to be so bad after all.

***

Trapper finished cleaning up after Josie left to go shower. As he left the kitchen he grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked to the living room. With a soft thump he fell onto the couch and reached over to grab his cell phone. He didn't forget that he switched nights with Joe and that tonight was his night to work. He also didn't forget that his baby sister would be in Boston, of all places, at night by herself. These were the reasons he convinced himself of as he dialed his friend's number to ask a very important question.

"What?" came the gruff, and groggy, response. Trapper chuckled lightly and set his beer on the side table that was behind his head.

"Good morning sunshine." he exclaimed cheerfully and waited for the explosion that Billy Darley was known for. He heard the rumple of bed sheets and a soft scraping before a loud annoyed sigh.

"What the fuck do you want Trapper? It's not even noon yet." Billy grumbled and Trapper heard the familiar click of a lighter.

"Now honey, don't be cranky." Trapper kept going and smirked at the cough that erupted over the phone. Billy choked on his own smoke. "Smoking's bad for you." he scolded playfully.

"I'll hang up." Billy threatened and Trapper knew the jokes were close to being over.

"Why? I'll just call back." Trapper reminded him.

"What do you want?" Billy asked again, trying hard to keep his cool. Trapper was the only one Billy would never let loose on for no reason. And Trapper knew that so he pushed his buttons as much as he could.

"Hey, don't be pushy." Trapper said and clicked his tongue.

"Trapper." Billy barked.

"Damn, did you trick of the night take your side of the bed?" Trapper asked.

"I don't know. Why don't you call Holly and ask her." Billy mused, knowing this would hand him a win. Trapper's fun fell flat and he sighed in defeat.

"Alright, alright. Let's not get nasty." Trapper told him. "I need a favor."

"Another favor, you mean?" Billy corrected him, reminding him of the last favor Trapper asked of; to watch over Josie while she was in Boston.

"Yes, another one." Trapper sighed, realizing this would be a lot harder than he imagined.

"Well, spit it out Trapper." Billy grumbled.

"I'm working tonight." Trapper stated slowly.

"Yeah, I know." Billy said, sounding a little aggravated.

"Well, I was wondering if, while I'm working, you'd let Josie hang out with you and Joey?" Trapper asked quickly and silently prayed to God that Billy didn't get the real meaning.

_Fat chance._

"Do I look like a teenage girl with pigtails?" Billy asked. On any other day Trapper would have laughed at the image of a younger Billy with his long blonde hair tied into pigtails but not today. There was far too much anger and annoyance in his voice for Trapper to try and laugh.

"Huh?" Trapper gulped, unsure of what else to say.

"I'm a not fucking babysitter, Trapper." Billy nearly yelled. "And I'm not stupid either." Trapper's shoulders slumped and he mentally kicked himself for thinking that Billy might not get the real meaning behind the favor.

"I know, I know. But I'm not comfortable with leaving her here alone." Trapper tried to explain and furrowed his brows when Billy was silent for a minute.

"She's a big girl." Billy responded a little softer than usual. Trapper tried to think of the real context of that statement but didn't want to take too long, so he let it slide.

"I know that too. But please, Billy. Just this once." Trapper begged.

"Trap-" Billy started to protest.

"She won't bug you, I swear. Her and Joey are close so I'm sure she'll spend time with him mostly." Trapper added quickly. He heard a faint grunt and a mumble of words from his friend but shook that off too.

"Only this once." Billy mumbled and Trapper shot his fist in the air triumphantly.

"Thank you, man. Seriously, I owe you big time." Trapper smiled ands sat up from the couch.

"Yes, you do." Billy told him seriously.

"Alright. I'll drop her off on my way, about 4pm, and I'll pick her up when I get done." Trapper told him and reached for his neglected beer.

"Whatever." came Billy's grunt and then Trapper heard the dial tone. He smiled at the phone as he set it down and took a big sip of his beer.

* * *

**friend** [frend]-somebody who thinks well of or is on good terms with somebody else. an ally, or somebody who is not an enemy

As we grow up and live life, we meet millions of people and we may befriend the majority of them but only a select few are the ones we trust and rely on. Those are our friends. And only a couple of those are the ones we would die for, our best friends.

* * *

_'Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.' '_

-C.S. Lewis

No sooner than Trapper swallowed his beer, Josie walked out into the living room.

"Wow, you smell better." Trapper teased as Josie walked to the counter separating the living room and kitchen.

"Shut up, dip shit." she said and sat down on one of the barstools. Trapper laughed carefully as he took another sip of his beer.

"Don't make me wash your mouth out, young lady." he said, mimicking the threat their dad used to use on them when they said a profanity.

"You'll need a lot of soap to get it clean." she winked and grabbed the extra set of house keys that he got made for her a day ago. She knew he wouldn't take the comment seriously but she shuddered to think what he would say if he knew how real it was. One bar wouldn't clean her dirty little mouth. And neither would Orbit gum.

"Smart ass." he grumbled and stared at her in confusion. "Where you going?"

Now was the time that Josie was contemplating reasons and excuses. Either she could tell him she was going to the park for some fake reason and pray to God he didn't try and spy on her or ask to go. Or she could lie and say she was going somewhere else, only to possibly have him spy on her and then realize she lied.

"I was thinking about that Park that you and daddy used to take me to. The one down a few blocks down, with the rope park?" she smiled softly.

"Forsyth." Trapper nodded and remembered those times with her and their father.

"Yeah. I figured I could go there to relax for a bit." she told him, praying he would buy it.

"Oh okay. It's still in god shape. Still the only safe place for kids to play around here." he told her. She smiled at his way of saying it was safe for her to go to and put the keys in her pocket. "You want me to go with you?"

_Ouch._

Josie turned to him and smiled uncomfortably. Thinking, again, of some excuse. A liable one.

"No, I'm good. Mom called and gave me the guilt trip on my voicemail so I just want a few minutes alone. Plus, mother nature's here so, ya know..." she trailed off and mentally smiled when Trapper's tan face turned a little pink.

"Oh okay." he mumbled and cleared his throat. "But don't worry about Kelly, she'll get over it. Just go get some air and relax." he told her and she headed for the door. "Oh but be back by 4pm." As much as she wanted to yell an okay and run out, she was curious as to why she had a time limit.

"Sure. But why?" she asked and frowned when Trapper's face turned from one of embarrassment to one of guilt.

"Well, I don't want you to get mad but you know I have to work tonight, right?" he asked and rubbed his bald head.

"Yeah." Josie answered slowly.

"Well, even though I trust you and know you are grown, I'm not too keen on leaving you here alone. So I sorta asked a friend to watch you while I worked." Trapper spat out as quickly as he could. Josie raised her brows and crossed her arms.

"I don't need a babysitter." she declared and he held his hands up.

"I know but I figured it wouldn't be so bad seeing as you are like, kinda friends with one of them." Trapper explained. Josie's heart fluttered a little and a smirk tugged at the corner of her lips.

"Who am I staying with?" she asked.

"Billy and Joe." Trapper answered softly. A huge rush of excitement ran through her body and images of being alone with Billy filled her mine. She loved all the possibilities of what tonight could bring.

_But wait._

Billy didn't like her. Why would he agree to let her stay there? Another rush went through her and she looked back to her brother. This might not be a bad idea.

"He must really like you. I think he hates me." she said casually and watched as Trapper fidgeted and waited for her next outburst.

"Yeah." he mumbled.

"But I guess that's okay." she agreed and smiled when Trapper's face was shocked.

"You're not mad?" he asked.

"No, I understand. You care about me." she told him honestly. "Plus, Joe is pretty cool."

_And Billy is hot._

"Oh okay." Trapper nodded slowly. "Well, just be back by 4pm then." he told her one more time. She nodded and walked over to kiss his cheek before leaving for good.

***

Josie was nervous as hell as she walked the three blocks to the park that she practically grew up in. She didn't have to think to hard to remember the time she spent here in her younger days. The times that she only spent with her father and brother. Kelly had always been to busy to go with her or even join in. At first, it bothered Josie but after a while she enjoyed the quality time with the men in her life. Looking back now, she wished she could go back and enjoy it even more and erase the times she wished her mother would come.

It wasn't until she reached the west end of the park and saw that tire swings that she remembered the last time that she was here. It was just her and her father. And it was the last time she got to see him.

_'Dad, push me!' Josie yelled and pointed to the black tire that had been converted into a swing. Ricky chuckled and walked over with his daughter to the tire._

_'Aren't you a little old for swinging?' he teased. Josie looked at him over her should as she climbed through the middle of the tire to sit on it._

_'Aren't you a little gray for your age?' she retorted. Ricky laughed out loud and waited for her to get situated on the tire. She held her left thumb up and gripped the chains around her. He gripped the chains above her hands and pulled back slowly before letting go. Josie giggled as she lifted back and then forward. _

_'Aren't you a little old to have someone push you on a swing?' he asked after pushing the tire when it came back to him. Josie closed her eyes as the wind flew by her head and smiled at his question._

_'Aren't you a little weak for an ex-baseball player?' she asked and smiled wider when he chuckled again. He pushed her a few more times, watching as her dark curly hair flew back and forth in front of her face. He smiled when she tilted her head back at him. It was then that he grabbed the swing to stop it. Josie watched in confusion as he walked in front of her and kneeled._

_'Aren't you growing up too fast?' he whispered and ticked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. Josie smiled at him and slipped from the bottom of the swing and sat down on his knee. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder._

_'I may be growing up,' she whispered to him. 'But I'll always be your little girl.'_

_'Forever?' Ricky asked and kissed her arm._

_'Forever and a day.' she promised. Ricky wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her head before standing up and taking her with him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and smiled at him._

_'Aren't I a little too big to be carried?' she asked. _

_'Are you complaining?' he teased. Josie laughed and shook her head as they walked through the park quietly._

She felt the tears fall from her lashed as she traced the patterns on the old tire. She never would have believed that just one day later forever and a day would be crushed. She never would have imagined that her father, her hero would be taken away from her. And now she was left to feel ashamed.

Ashamed that she wasn't the little girl he would have wanted her to be. Ashamed that she had done all the things she promised not to do.

"You okay?" a soft voice asked from behind. Josie snapped her head around to see Kenzie quietly leaning on the wooden post of the swing set, a sad expression on her face.

"Oh yeah. Just thinking." Josie said sadly and wiped her face with her sleeve.

"Can I ask about what?" Kenzie asked as she took the tire swing next to her. Josie laughed lightly and looked down at the tire.

"My dad and I used to come here all the time." she told her. "The last time I was here, I was with him. It was the day before he died." she whispered the last part. Kenzie gasped softly and shook her head.

"I'm sorry." she whispered and moved a rock with her foot. "We could go somewhere else if you want?" she offered and looked over to Josie.

"Oh no, I'm good." Josie smiled at her kindness and looked around. "It hasn't changed too much. Looks a little more worn but still looks the same." she commented.

"When was the last time you were here?" Kenzie asked and looked around the park too. She lived on the other side of town when she was a kid and all the parks there were run down and infested with gangs. She only had few chances to get out over here and have fun.

"Six years ago when I was 12." Josie told her and Kenzie's eyes widened.

"Wow. Boston must seem like a different world, huh?" she asked.

"Yeah, back then it seemed like heaven and I didn't understand why I couldn't play outside at night." Josie laughed. "Now, I'm thanking them for telling me no."

"Yeah, it's like everything clicked as I got older. The boys at the corners weren't waiting for the parents." Kenzie smiled. Josie shook her head and looked around again.

"Do you live around here?" she asked Kenzie.

"Not really. I live about 25 minutes away." Kenzie told her. "But I have a friend who works at the diner on Rosen St. Forsyth is like the middle of everything, so I figured even if you lived on the other side of town, you wouldn't be too far."

"Yeah, I live like three blocks down." Josie smiled.

"Oh so you walked?" Kenzie asked.

"Yep. I told my brother I needed some air. He asked to come with but I pulled the PMS route." she laughed and Kenzie joined her. She had, on plenty occasions, used that excuse to get away from just 5 minutes.

"Oh that works on my brother too. It's great to see their faces." she smiled.

"Yeah, my brother has my dark complexion so it's great when he gets pink." Josie noted. They laughed it off until the silence floated in the air.

"So, I got a little something extra in my purse. I asked my brother to get it so you could have a sample." Kenzie whispered after a minute and Josie looked over at her.

"There's a bathroom over on the other end." Josie hinted. Smiles crossed both girls' faces and it only took a second for them to get on their feet. They were already on the same page as one another.

***

Trapper couldn't deny that he was a little worried about his sister walking around this part of town by herself. Sure the park was safe and all but everywhere else was free game for sexual harassment or drug offers. He didn't want her to be by herself but he knew that he couldn't be there or have someone else there 24/7. The last thing he wanted was for her to think that he didn't trust her. He did trust. He just didn't trust everyone else.

So to ease his mind from wandering too far and overreacting, he decided to lay down. To rest his mind so he wouldn't over think a simple walk in the park.

_In the middle of Boston._

He wasn't sure when he actually fell asleep or how long he had been asleep but the next thing he knew he was being touched. A soft, tiny finger was running over his face. At first, he thought it was Josie...then the finger ran over his lips. His eyes popped open suddenly and the finger was gone.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed. Trapper sighed audibly and covered his face, trying to clam himself.

"Jesus, Holly. You scared the shit out of me." he grumbled and rubbed his face.

"Sorry, again." she giggled. "I knocked a few times but no one answered and the blinds were open so I peeked in and saw you sleeping. Plus, you forgot to lock your door." she told him. Trapper nodded a little and looked up at her.

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked. Holly looked down at her wrist and turned her watch around.

"2:31." she read and looked back at him. "Working tonight?" she asked.

"Yes but that's not why I needed the time." he told her. "Josie went for a walk down to Forsyth and she's supposed to be back by 4pm." Holly smiled a little and rubbed his arm.

"Don't worry. She'll be fine." she assured him and he turned to look at her, a grin on his lips now.

"So what are you doing here?" he asked and then held up a finger. "Better yet, why were you here touching me?" He expected her to blush but she didn't. Instead she returned his grin.

"Why would I _not_ touch you?" she said coyly and traced one of the tattoos on his arm.

"Why do you have to touch me while I'm sleeping?" he retorted playfully but Holly saw how serious his eyes were. The air caught in her throat but she calmed herself before speaking.

"Do you want me to touch you while you're awake?" she whispered and kept tracing the tattoo as it crawled up his arm and to his neck. Trapper instinctively tilted his head when he finger crawled up his shoulder and he saw her smile.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked softly. But instead of an answer from her, she dropped her hand and he looked over at her quickly. He saw the sadden look on her face and moved to face her. "What did I do? I'm sorry." he apologized and she shook her head.

"No, no. You didn't so anything." she told him softly and took a deep breath. "Trap, you're a really good friend to me." she said and looked at him.

"I don't just wanna be your friend, Holly." he admitted and grabbed her hands. Holly felt her heart beat a little faster and before she knew it Trapper was already leaning forward touching his lips to hers.

* * *

**All I have to say is...I moved...lol. I had no net...still have not net on MY comp...I formatted a disk to use to go back and forth from mine to the one I'm using. So I can update now. To my NY'er...who know who you are...TJ is coming later tonight most likely. I wanna add more scenes if I can...lol. I hope you enjoy this. :)**


	8. Clash, Tough Love and Tension

**clash** [klash]- to come into verbal or physical conflict with somebody. to be incompatible.

There are a billion people on this Earth and every single one of them are different. Not one person had the exact same personality as another. This is what makes us unique and it's also what causes conflict. Some people just want everyone to be alike and then it all clashes.

* * *

'_The more you sweat in peacetime, the less you bleed during war.' _

-Chinese Proverb

She was surprised he didn't push her away. All the other times that she would try to make any kind of move on him, he'd push her away or make up some fake excuse to leave. She knew it wasn't because he didn't find her attractive but he wasn't too happy about her line of work. He didn't want to share her and she didn't want to depend on him to get her out of the mess she put herself in.

The grin on her face didn't fade one bit as she walked down the street to the park that Josie was at. She wasn't sure what she would say to her but Holly had a feeling they might want to get to know one another. If things went like Holly hoped they would, they would be seeing a lot more of one another.

Her green eyes scanned the near empty park. She silently hoped that Josie wouldn't mind her stopping by to say hello. She did a double take on two girls that walked out of the bathroom and she smiled when she saw Josie but it faltered when she saw the girl with her.

Trapper didn't mention Josie already had a friend. She thought as she cut through the park. She slowed her walk as he got closer to the park bench and she smiled a little when Josie turned to see who was so close.

"Um hey." Holly greeted softly, looking between Josie and the blond girl next to her. Josie's expression was confused and Holly swore she saw irritation in them.

"Hi." Josie mumbled and looked over to Kenzie quickly. _What in the hell is she doing here?_ Josie thought and then looked back to the red haired woman.

"Your brother said you'd be here." Holly stated, trying to make conversation.

"Oh, you saw my brother?" Josie asked, not trying to hide the ice in her voice. Now she was almost regretting leaving the house. But was her brother's whore really more important than a little pick me up? No, Josie knew Holly be wouldn't be around too much longer.

Kenzie sat quietly on the bench, fiddling with her fingers, trying to figure out the tension between the two women. Josie just sat there, looking out at the park. Holly was quite surprised by this.

"Who's this?" Kenzie asked, the silence eating way at her. Holly smiled a little and looked over at the girl next to Josie.

"Oh, I'm Holly." she smiled and held her hand out. Kenzie smiled back politely and shook Holly's hand.

"Kenzie." she said and let Holly's hand go. Another round of silence and this time it ate away at Josie.

"So what do you want?" she asked and looked up at Holly, who couldn't hide the surprise in her face. "Did you purposely want to stop by and ruin a nice afternoon or did you think you were being friendly?" she asked. Kenzie covered her mouth to hide the smile. It didn't take long to figure out that Josie did not like this woman.

"I just wanted to stop by and say hey." Holly squeaked out and rubbed her hands together. She couldn't figure out why Josie was being so rude. She seemed so nice the other night and Trapper never said she had an attitude like this.

"Well, you said it." Josie told her and nodded to the closest exit to the park. Holly stared at her dumbfounded.

"Well then, sorry. I guess I'll be going now." Holly whispered and turned around to walk off. Josie smiled as she walked off and Kenzie giggled beside her.

"Who was that?" she asked and stared at the retreating figure. Josie made a gagging sound and stuck her finger in her mouth.

"My brother's dirty whore." she answered and looked to see Holly walk out of the park.

"You don't seem to like her." Kenzie commented. Josie smirked and shook her head.

"No but for some reason my brother does." Josie frowned and looked over at Kenzie. "He's all goo goo eyes over her whenever she's around. It's pissing me off."

"Ah I see." Kenzie nodded and patted Josie's knee. "Well, if you keep that Ice Queen attitude up, she'll back off soon enough." she grinned and Josie laughed. She looked around the park and noticed that there were kids now. She looked down at her watch and sighed.

"Damn."

"What?" Kenzie asked. Josie tapped her watch and frowned.

"It's almost 3:30pm. I should go ahead and get back." she explained and Kenzie stood up with her.

"Alright. Call me tomorrow and we can talk about going out this weekend." she smiled and held her arms out. Josie returned the hug and laughed.

"Yeah, I definitely need a girl's night out." she admitted and let Kenzie go. Josie said one more thank you for the pick me up and walked off towards the exit that Holly had just gone through.

***

Josie smiled as she walked into the apartment door. The drama with Holly was, for now, at the back of her mind and the newly forming friendship with Kenzie was first and fore most. Kenzie was an alright girl. She was out there. A little too excited about everything and always hyped up but she was funny and nice. Josie never really had female friends but she could definitely see her and Kenzie being close.

"Hey, how was you're walk?" Trapper asked when she shut the door. He was sitting on the couch, sliding into his boots when she flopped down in the recliner.

"It would have been perfect if you're friend didn't show up." she frowned and he popped his head up to look at her.

"Who? Holly?" he asked. Josie rolled her eyes and pulled her feet up in the chair with her.

"Do you have other whores I don't know about?" she asked dryly and picked at her nails. Trapper frowned at her and leaned back when he was done tying his shoes.

"Be nice." he warned. "She asked where you were and I told her. All she wanted to do was say hello." he explained to her.

"Well, she did but I didn't need her face." Josie sighed and looked over at the clock. "Am I staying over there tonight or are you picking me up later?" she asked curiously. She doubted drug dealers got off at a certain time so there was no telling how long Trapper would be at work.

"Depends." Trapper shrugged. Josie waited for an answer but got none.

"On?" she asked impatiently. Trapper smirked.

"If you're awake or not. If you're sleeping I'll come home. If not I'll take you with me." he told her. Josie's mind lit up at this. So if she was asleep she would get to stay at Billy's house tonight. She bit her lip. _I wonder where I would sleep?_

"Oh okay." she nodded casually. Trapper raised a brow at her zoned out face and snapped his fingers when she didn't snap out of it.

"Do you wanna pack something just in case?" he asked when she looked over at him. A small smile played on her lips as she stood up.

"Yeah, that would be good. I'll be right back." she said and ran off to her room. She slammed her door shut and ran over to the suitcase by her bed. She threw it all out on the floor and rummaged through the loads of night clothes and undergarments.

"I really need my dresser." she mumbled and smiled widely when she held up a tiny black pair of boy shorts. She snagged up a white camisole and then a huge, long white t-shirt. She hid the shorts and camisole in the shirt and balled it up. She looked at the black lace bra and panty set but threw them back in the suitcase.

She was planning on staying the night with Billy Darley. And she was going to do it the right way, with the right outfit. He might seem unbreakable but tonight Josie had plans.

"Ready!" she smiled as she bounded out of the room. Trapper nodded his head and grabbed his keys.

"Okay, let's go."

* * *

**tough love [**tuf luv]- a caring but strict attitude toward a friend or loved one with a problem, as distinct from an attitude of indulgence.

Puppy love. True love. Everlasting love. Young love. Old love. Condition love. Unconditional love. There's lots of love. But tough love..it's tricky.

* * *

"_We must love one another, yes, yes, that's all true enough, but nothing says we have to like each other. It may be the very recognition of all men as our brothers that accounts for the sibling rivalry, and even enmity, we have toward so many of them."_

-Peter De Vries

Joe walked out of his room, scratching his head. He took one step into the living and stopped. Hi head tilted and his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at his brother.

"Mother fucker. I can't be doing this shit much longer...drives me fucking wild...son of a bitch games." Billy mumbled. Joe didn't catch all of his rant but big brother didn't seem too happy this morning. Joe jumped a little when one of the many beer bottles lying on the table flew across the room and smash into the wall.

Let's rephrase. Big brother was pissed off this morning.

"What crawled up your ass?" Joe asked cautiously. Billy's head snapped to look at his little brother, who was still wearing a tiny smirk.

"Not now, Joey." Billy warned and started pacing the room. Joe sat on the edge of the couch and watched him.

"What?" he asked.

"Just don't fuck with me." Billy mumbled and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray. He paused for a second and sighed as he grabbed another cigarette and lit it. Joe chuckled a little. Billy heard and glared at him. "Don't fuck with me Joey!"

"What did I do?" Joe asked. He was irritated now. Sure Billy yelled at him all the time but usually he had a reason. Joe just woke up, what in the hell did he do?

"You were born. Now go away." Billy grunted and took a long drag off of his cigarette. Joe shook his head and pushed himself off the couch's arm.

"Asshole." he muttered and started to make his way back to the bedroom. But before he could reach the hallway, Billy had grabbed him from behind and spun him around. Joe then found himself against the wall, two inches off the ground and with Billy's hand squeezed tightly around his throat.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Billy growled. Joe's eyes were wide as he tried in vain to get Billy's hand away from him and let the air flow through his lungs. "Huh, Joe?" Billy asked again.

"Nothing." Joe croaked and suddenly he was on the floor at Billy's feet. Joe looked up at his brother shocked, while rubbing his neck.

"That's what I thought." Billy grumbled and walked over to the couch. Joe sat in the same spot, not moving. Whatever had pissed Billy off, really really pissed him off.

"Clean this mess up." Billy spoke a few minutes later. Joe looked over at him and frowned.

"Why?" he asked. Billy sighed in irritation and rubbed his face.

"Because we're having visitor's tonight." he answered. Joe furrowed his brows and slowly stood up. Billy didn't move so Joe took that as a sign that he was now calm.

"We never clean for the guys though. It's not like they don't help fuck it all up." Joe said and started to pick up some of the beer bottles.

"It's not the guys." Billy told him. Joe stopped what he was doing and stared at Billy.

"Who is it?" he asked. He narrowed his eyes when Billy mumbled something. "What?"

"It's Josie!" Billy shouted, throwing his hands in the air and then flopping back into the couch. Joe wanted to laugh or smile, but was too afraid.

"Oh, what is she coming over for?" he asked and walked to the kitchen to throw away the bottles.

"Trapper has to work and he wants her to be here with us." Billy answered. Joe poked his head out of the kitchen and smiled widely.

"Every time he works?" he asked with a little too much enthusiasm.

"No, just tonight." Billy grumbled. Joe's head fell and he walked back into the living room to grab more bottles and trash to throw away.

"Oh damn." he mumbled.

"What?" Billy asked. He saw Joe's face go from happy to disappointed way to quick.

"Well, he works tomorrow night too and I don't." Joe shrugged.

"So?" Billy pressed.

"Well, you work too. So she'd be here with me." Joe grinned and Billy slowly stood up from the couch. Joe's smile faded and he cleared his throat.

"What are you getting at Joe?" Billy asked and moved over to the other side of the coffee table where Joe was standing.

"Why are you so nosey, Billy?" Joe asked weakly.

"Answer the fucking question." Billy growled and smacked Joe's hand sending all the beer bottles crashing to the floor. Joe's eyes widened again and he took a step back. "Come on, Joey. Answer me. Be a man. Answer the question."

"I shouldn't have to." Joe nearly shouted and looked down from Billy's glare. "Look at her, she's fucking hot." he added and Billy smirked.

"You think you can bed her?" he taunted and walked over to the couch again. Joe looked up slowly and saw the smirk on Billy's face. His mood swings were really starting to scare Joe.

"Yeah, she wants me. She's just playing hard to get." Joe nodded and slowly began to clean up again.

"I doubt it." Billy said shaking his head. The thought of Joe and Josie together was almost laughable. Josie was too much for Joe to handle. He didn't know it from experience of course but he could tell.

"Whatever." Joe grumbled. "I don't seem why you're getting all worked up about it. You never care who I want to fuck."

"Shut up Joe." Billy growled again. Joe sighed and kept cleaning the room while Billy watched him. "Besides Trapper would kill you." Joe looked over at Billy and laughed.

"No, he'd kill you. You are far more of a bad boyfriend that I will ever be." Joe told him and Billy glared.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Billy demanded and stood up again.

"It means just that. You're a bad boyfriend. You don't do relationships. You do sex, that's it." Joe explained. "I, on the other hand, can do a relationship. I wouldn't put her through all the shit you would."

"I don't need a relationship. I'm too fucking busy for that." Billy mumbled and picked up a beer bottle.

"Exactly. Therefore, Trapper would rather me go out with Josie than you. All he'd hear form you was how you bang her 24/7." Joe chuckled. Billy tensed when he said that. Just the image of him and Josie in an intimate position, to put it nicely, was enough to break him. Like Joe sad earlier, the girl was fucking hot. Billy could already imagine her lying underneath him, him holding her hips in place as he made her scream his name.

"Earth to Billy!" Joe yelled and Billy looked over at him. Joe pointed to the door and smiled. "They're here."

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**ten·sion **[ténshən]- mental worry or emotional strain that makes natural relaxed behavior impossible

Ever heard of tension being so thick a blind man could beat it with a stick? Or how about how it's so thick you could cut it with a knife? Like love, there are all kinds of tensions...sexual probably being the most fun.

* * *

"_Is it just me, or is there a lot of sexual tension in here?"_

-David Swain

Tension was thick in the air when Josie and Trapper walked into Billy's living room. Joe was grinning like a mad fool, staring Josie up and down. He wondered how she could make even the simplest things look amazingly sexy. His eyes quickly danced over her legs but beyond that something caught his eye.

Billy. Specifically Billy's glare. Joe's gaze instantly went to the floor.

She didn't notice this though. Her eyes were fixated on Billy, clad in a simple pair of blue jeans and a wife beater. She now got a better view of the tribal tattoos that snaked their way up his muscular arms and across his broad shoulders. She could just imagine a shirtless Billy hovering over her, pounding her mercilessly, makin-

"Josie!" Trapper yelled and snapped Josie out of her very R rated thoughts.

"Uh yeah?" she mumbled. All three men were now eyeing her carefully. It seemed only Billy knew what she was zoned out on. Him.

"I'm leaving. I'll call you later tonight, okay?" Trapper smiled and kissed her head. She smiled instantly and hugged his chest.

"Be safe." she whispered and leaned her to kiss his cheek. He nodded his head to Billy and Joe and left.

And, as if was even remotely possible, the tension go thicker. Josie stood in the middle of the living room with a slightly fidgety Billy and a torn Joe. Torn because he wanted so badly to look at Josie but was afraid of Billy.

"So." she sighed and tapped her foot. Joe looked over at Billy and then back at Josie.

"We're going to the bar tonight." he announced and Josie looked to Billy, who nodded. "We don't want to be cooped up here all night and we didn't think you would either." he added.

"Well, I'm going to shower." Joe mumbled and walked away. Billy's eyes widened for a split second and then relaxed. Why did he feel...afraid to be alone with her?

"So the bar?" Josie commented and took a seat on the couch. She looked directly at Billy and he nodded. "Why?" she asked. He glared at her and shrugged.

This was irritating Josie.

"No talking tonight?" she smiled a little and again he shrugged. "Is that fear I smell?" she questioned and tapped her finger on her chin. Billy glared again. "Fear of lil' ol' me?" she suggested and weighed other options. "Oh fear of being alone with me?" Billy tensed.

Josie loved this now.

"Ahh there we go." she smirked and walked over to the chair Billy was in. He braced himself for what she was going to do and then mentally kicked himself. He never acted like this with a woman.

_Girl!_ He yelled.

Thiswas not a woman, this was a girl. He best friends ridiculously hormonal little sister. He couldn't touch her. He wanted to, God he wanted to. But he couldn't. And boy she made it tough to do.

So was Billy Darley really scared of her?

Hell yeah. She was making his life hell. Teasing him and making it hard as hell to do what he thought was right.

His thoughts were quickly interrupted when he felt something on his chest. He focused and tensed when he realized that Josie was leaning over the back of his chair. Her hair falling over his shoulder and her lips very, very close to his ear.

"You're scared to be alone with me." she whispered in his ear. He pursed his lips and tried to stop the shuddering of his body. "That's why you wanna take me to the bar. So we won't be alone or almost alone."

She was right. He planned to take her to bar in hopes that she wouldn't try anything on him.

"You think that will stop my advances?" she asked and gently brushed her lips against his ear. He bit back a groan and closed his eyes, trying desperately to forget the feeling of her hot breath and soft lips on his skin.

"Well, it won't." she finished and pulled away from him. He almost pouted and his eyes drifted to her as she took a seat on the couch again. She smiled in return to his glare. He stood up quickly and walked to the bathroom.

"Hurry the fuck up!" he yelled through the door to Joe. He didn't bother going back into the living room. Instead, he stormed to his room and slammed the door, rubbing his ear as he did.

So his plan might not work tonight but would she be stupid enough to go too far in public? Would she really go far enough and let people see that she wanted him? Would she risk Trapper finding out about her other side?

This was definitely going to be an interesting night.

* * *

_I've been thinking 'bout this for some time_

_I gotta freaky temptation burning deep inside_

_Ya see the scripts already wrote_

_The bedroom is the set_

_I hope you know your lines_

_'Cause one take is all we get_

-Lights,Camera, Action by The Pussycat Dolls


	9. Rules, Steady, and Resistance

**rule **[rool] - a prevailing condition or quality. an authoritative principle set forth to guide behavior or action

Rules suck. Plain and simple. And most see them as a meant to be broken type thing. But rules are rules. Whether we like them or not, we need them. And yes, again, we need to break them.

* * *

"_I like your game but we have to change the rules."_

- Anon.

Josie mentally cringed when they pulled into the Four Roses. She wasn't impressed with this tiny hole in the wall bar. The last time she was here it was utterly disgusting and smelled worse than a trash dumpster. On the way there she looked out the window and searched for any other pubs or bars that would hold Billy and his boys but she didn't see any in this part of town. She figured if she were going to have any fun here, her and Kenzie would have to go in town to have it. She sure as hell wasn't bringing Kenzie to the Roses. She wanted to keep Kenzie around, not send her running and screaming from the dirty bar in the ghetto.

"Let's go get fucked up!" Joe hollered as he bounded out of the mustang. Josie shook her head at him and pushed the back of Billy's seat to make him move. He looked in the rear view mirror and glared at her. Slowly but surely, he moved out of the driver's seat and stood next to the car as she climbed out of the backseat.

"Thanks, Billy." she said sarcastically as she stumbled out of the car. He smirked at her as she walked to the door. Before she could reach the handle, a rough hand grabbed her wrist and jerked her back. Billy pulled her a few feet away from the door and pushed her against the wall. A small smile crossed her face as she looked up at him and he grunted.

"Of course, this would excite you." he mumbled and blocked the images of her and other kinky things she might be into. She raised one brow and reached up to trace a finger down his chest. He stared at her tiny finger as it made it's way down his chest, stomach and then...

"Hey, I was on a journey." she pouted when he pushed her hand away. He rolled his eyes and pointed to the wall behind her.

"I got rules." he announced with a smirk and she narrowed her eyes. "No leaving mine or Joe's side, at all."

"At all?" she smirked and he ignored her.

"No drinking, at all. Especially from a cup someone brings you. Only me, Sammy and Joe can give you drinks and it will only be coke." he warned and she frowned. "No talking to strangers."

"Okay dad." Josie mimicked a little girl's voice. "I'll be sure to look both ways when I cross the street too!" Billy glared down at her and pushed himself against her. Her heart fluttered when his hard body pushed into her chest.

"I'm far from your dad, little girl." he whispered huskily into her ear. His hot breath sending shivers down her spine. "Don't push your luck tonight. It might push back." The heat from his breath and body were gone as he left her against the wall and walked to the door. She stared at him as he waited for her by the door and slowly she regained the feelings in her legs and walked over to him.

From the smirk on his face, she knew that he thought he had the upper hand. Hell, she'd admit he had the upper hand at that moment. So what could she do to regain it? Because there was no way that she was letting him win.

"You might have won this battle but the war ain't over." she declared as she walked past him and into the bar. He stood there as she walked over to the table where Joe was and smirked. It was wrong to enjoy this but he couldn't help it.

"Boys." Josie greeted and took the seat at the end of the table next to Heco. Heco smirked and threw his arm over the back of her chair.

"How's is going Baby J?" he grinned and Josie looked over at him.

"Baby J?" she repeated and he nodded. "Honey, I don't need nicknames." she told him and as soon as the last word left her mouth she was, again, yanked from her spot by her wrist. She didn't have time to put her feet down and ended up falling over and into a hard chest.

A hard but familiar chest.

"What?" she snapped up at Billy. But he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at Heco, who now had his head turned down to the table and his beer. She felt Billy's large hand push against the small of her back and she moved the one foot to the other side of the table. He pushed her shoulders down into the booth and as he sat down, he moved her over closer to Bodie.

Bodie smirked at Billy and Josie and shook his head. If it was possible Billy would have been green at that moment.

"Did I mention I was claustrophobic?" Josie asked as she turned away from an amused Bodie to a tense Billy. Billy's green eyes darted to look at her out the corner of his eyes but he never moved. "Are you deaf?" she asked and felt an elbow in her ribs. She turned to look at Bodie who was giving her a dirty look. With a deep sigh, she reluctantly sat back in the booth and crossed her arms. She felt like a child

Billy ignored her completely. He had too. She was laying it on thick tonight and it had only just began. And of the things she had managed to get him worked up over, it wasn't her fault. They were accidents. So tonight he was in thinking mode. He was going to think about the work for the next few weeks and where to place his guys. He was thinking of new spots to try and old spots to get rid of or try and revamp. He was thinking of the new tires that he needed to put on his car. But he wasn't going to think about Josie.

He wouldn't dare think about the view he got when she stumbled out the car, a black bra underline with hot pink lace. He wasn't going to think about the way her hair bounced back and forth when she walked or that it was the only thing on her that bounced when she walked. He wouldn't think about the fire hot trail her one finger made on the front of his chest and stomach or how much he wanted her to continue that trail. He didn't think about the rage that filled him when he saw Heco put his arm around her and proceeded to flirt with her. Nor did he think about the fact that she was nearly molded against his body as he kept her between himself and Bodie.

Tonight was going to be a long night.

* * *

**stead·y **[stéddee]- fixed, stable, or not easily moved. showing no tendency to change or fluctuate.

A steady job. A steady life. A steady girlfriend or boyfriend. Something that isn't going away soon it a good thing. But it's also something that people are afraid of. Having any steady is a commitment and most run from that.

* * *

"_To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."_

- Anna Louise Strong

True to her though, it was already a long night and they had only been there for twenty minutes. But in those twenty minutes Joe left to chase after some underage blond girl, Heco was punched in the face by Jamie, Trapper had called four times and Billy had found himself a knew lap pet.

A sickly looking brunette with a bad spray on tan.

If she wasn't so ugly Josie might have had a few choice words to say to her. She decided it wasn't worth it though. She saw the girl and her position on Billy's lap as a good thing. This meant that Billy was partaking in her game and that meant that he wanted her. She figured he was trying to avoid her but she was unavoidable. She made her presence known.

"What are you planning?" Bodie asked. Josie took her eyes off of the brunette and Billy and looked at Bodie. They were still in the same spot that they had been since they got here. It was Billy who moved away from Josie about five minutes after they sat down.

Her hand had a mind of its own and apparently Billy's crotch had a No Trespassing sign somewhere she couldn't see. That right there made her want to look further but he thought distance would be better.

"Who says I'm planning anything?" she asked and turned in the booth. She put her elbow on the back of the booth and held her head up as she stared at Bodie.

She had to give to it him. He was pretty damn hot. He was calmer and quieter than the rest and, from Josie's experience, that mean that he was the complete opposite in bed. As she looked him over she could see him being the dominate, bossy one in bed. Not as much as she thought Billy was though. But she was guessing that Bodie had it in him.

"I know you're kind." he smirked and reached for his beer.

"My kind?" Josie smiled innocently. "What kind would that be?" she asked coyly, slowly leaning over and wiping the excess water off of his beer with her fingertip. Bodie just smiled at her actions, which just proved his point.

"The kind that thinks they can have anything and everything they want." he answered bluntly but quietly. Josie raised an eyebrow and smiled when Bodie crooked his finger and wiggled it. She moved closer to him and stared at him, eagerly waiting to hear more of his assessment.

"Go on, sugar." she urged and he grinned.

"And the kind that plays games." he added and she pointed a finger to her chest in mock shock. "Yes, you. I see what you're playing. I've seen it before with Billy. But usually it's him chasing the girl, not the other way around." Josie rolled her eyes and he smiled.

"He's such a prude." she smiled and took a quick glance at Billy. She almost didn't notice him look away from her and back at the girl in his lap. Josie scrunched up her face when Billy pulled her girl's head down to his and kissed her hard. She looked back at Bodie, who was smirking, and put a finger in her mouth.

"Gag." she groaned. He chuckled at her and looked over her shoulder at Billy, who was glaring back at him while he kissed the girl. Bodie nodded, silently telling his friend that he knew what he was doing. Billy continued to stare for a second and then turned his attention back to his lap pet.

"What I don't get is why you aren't trying to pick a fight with his lady friend?" Bodie thought out loud and took a long sip from his beer. "I thought you were that kind also." Josie grinned proudly. She was happy that she busted one of his assessments of her.

"Well, I'm not." she told him and reached over to him. She stuck her hand in the pocket of his shirt and pulled out his cigarette's. "Though I would take great pleasure in kicking her ass up and down the streets of Boston, she's not worth it." she declared and pulled a cigarette out. He watched intently as she stuck the cigarette between her lips and lit it. He could see what drove Billy mad. It was like everything she did instantly slowed down and you could see every movement. Her lips slowly moved in and then back out as she inhaled and he watched them unstick from the butt and slowly exhale the smoke from between her lips.

"How is she not worth it?" he asked, trying his hardest to ignore the deathly glare he was getting from Billy again. Bodie was starting to wonder if he could read minds or if he had a mental radar for when guys started getting all hot and bothered by Josie.

"Look at her." Josie laughed softly, not eve bothering to look again. Bodie shrugged and Josie rolled her eyes and took another drag. "She's not going to stick around. She can't handle him."

"Who said he wants her to stick around?" Bodie retorted and Josie smirked.

"Sooner or later the ass around here will start repeating itself in his bed. And Billy doesn't seem like the kind of guy to enjoy a pet more than once." Josie explained and Bodie raised a brow.

"But wouldn't it repeat itself if he kept one around?" he asked. Josie giggled at him and hit his stomach lightly.

"Oh Bodie, he wouldn't keep a pet. He'll need to find a steady girl that can keep up." she told him and he shook his head laughing.

"And what do you call a steady girl?" he asked.

"They don't have a name. They are one of a kind." she grinned and he nodded. Bodie was learning real quick that Josie was a lot smarter than she let on. And a lot more mature.

"And you think your a steady girl? You think you can keep up with Billy?" he asked. Josie smiled and nodded.

"I know I can. He just doesn't see it. All he sees is Trapper's little sister and the girl that used to call him William." she frowned as she said this. Sadness washed over her. "He sees the kid in pigtails, the innocent one. Uncorrupted."

"And that's not you anymore." Bodie finished.

"No, I've seen more than they know." she whispered. Bodie reached under the table and squeezed her hand.

"I take it back." he declared and she looked up at him. "You're not at all what I thought. You're not that kind of girl. I was wrong."

"Then what kind am I?" she asked softly. He smiled at her and moved his hand from hers.

"The steady kind."

* * *

**re·sist **[ri zíst]- to refrain from something in spite of being tempted. to oppose and stand firm against somebody or something.

Resistance is hell. Resist the temptations. Resist the urge to sin. Resist the feeling of giving up. Resistance. Resistance is key. But how can you resist something that you want more than anything else in the world?

* * *

"_He who cannot resist temptation is not a man"_

- Horace Mann

"Please, I need a drink." she begged and pleaded.

Again.

"Billy said no." Joe sighed.

Again.

"Fuck Billy." she nearly yelled and melted at the thought.

"Might not want to say that again. I'd hate for you to get too excited and start pulling a Sally." Joe grinned and Josie frowned. It had been almost an hour since her and Bodie's talk and after she left his side, she found Joe at the bar. His blond friend had gone home already. An for an hour they chatted and she begged for a drink. During that chatting he found out about her infatuation with his brother and he found it hilarious. He could not believe that Billy Darley, at 27 years old, was running from a 19 year old girl.

"Oh hush. He might be reeking of sex but he ain't that good." she frowned and pointed to his drink. "Please. You said you could get me a couple without Billy knowing." she begged again, gently running the end of her nail along his thigh. He jerked away from her and looked over to Billy. Luckily, he was looking away.

Also during that chatting time, Josie learned that Joe had a crush on her and Billy hated it.

"Stop. He'll see." Joe growled and Josie winked at him.

"Aww come on. He obviously doesn't want me." she pouted and Joe nearly came undone when she leaned over, giving him a clear view down her shirt. "Do you want me Joe?" she whispered huskily. A shiver went down Joe's spin and he waved the bartender over.

"Two please." he croaked out, pointing to his drink. Josie grinned triumphantly and took her beer when it came. Joe grabbed it firs though and pulled her out of her chair with his other hand. "Let's go to the back so he doesn't see you drinking." he grumbled and pulled her through the bar. They took a seat at the very back of the bar and Joe sat in front of her so Billy couldn't see her.

"Thank you." she smiled and sipped her beer.

Before Joe could finish, a hand flew past him and gripped Josie's arm.

"What the fuck?!" he yelled and pointed to the beer Josie had in her hand. She grinned drunkly up at him and shrugged her shoulders.

"It's just a beer." she slurred and he glared at her.

"I said no drinking." he hissed and looked to Joe. "You're paying for tonight. Pick up the tab before we leave." Billy smirked at Joe's wide eyes and then proceded to drag Josie out the back door. The fresh night air hit her and she sighed deeply. Unfortunately, it threw her off balance and she fell into Billy as he pushed her to the side of the building. Billy rolled his eyes at her and held her upper arms to steady her.

"I'm good." she whispered, tilting her head back and breathing in the air. She smiled as it filled her lungs and Billy almost smiled himself. She looked so innocent like this.

"Why don't you listen to me? I make these rules and you just shit on them" he asked and helped her lean against the wall for support. Though she looked peaceful and innocent, he wasn't taking any chances holding her too close. She had a habit of touching him at the most unexpected times.

"Because I don't need you to be my father." she answered him casually. His eyes shot over to her and shook his head.

"Maybe if you had one, you wouldn't be like this." he told her softly. She looked at him and glared.

"I did have one and he was murdered." she seethed and looked away. They were silent for a minute and then Billy sighed.

"I'm sorry about that." he apologized.

"No, it's fine. True too." she laughed and pushed herself up straight. Her eyes locked with his and for once no one looked away. "Probably wouldn't be this way if he didn't die. I'd probably be that girl you knew back then."

"No, you still would have grown up." he said and shook his head. Josie smirked and crossed her arms.

"Then why do you still see me as that little girl?" she asked. He looked way this time.

"I don't There's no fucking way I could compare the girl I used to know and despise to the one you are now." he answered and rubbed his head. Silence fell on them again and before he knew it, Josie was pulling him by his jacket. She backed up against the wall and pulled him flush against her. His eyes rolled and he went to push away but her lips attacked to his neck. A low growl escaped his lips and he instinctively pushed against her.

A soft moan came from her as she sucked and licked his neck tattoo up to his ear. She could feel the heat rapidly increasing between her legs and she nipped at his ear.

"Fuck." Billy groaned and moved his head away from her. "Quit." he demanded but didn't move. Josie smirked and put her plam against his stomach, slowly moving it down.

He grabbed her hand before it reached his belt and pinned it against he wall behind her. His other hand grabbed her other one and in the end he had both of her hands pinned against the wall above her hand.

"I said quit." he growled and ran his nose along her jaw line. She shivered and hooked her right leg around his hip. He could feel the heat from her core and clenched his teeth together. "When I tell you to do something, you damn well better do it." he said and leveled his face with hers.

"Fine. Tell me to bend over, tell me get on my knees and I'll gladly give in." she shot back. Ger tongue darted out of her mouth and ever so slowly licked his bottom lip before biting down and pulling it between her lips. She let go when she felt his erection on her thigh. She had the upper hand but he was close behind. They were neck in neck and she had him where she wanted him. Hell, he had her where he wanted her. Against a wall and wrapped around him. He could easily take what he wanted so badly and give into her. It wouldn't be hard. He was ready and she was too.

She gave him the go ahead with her bite so all he had to do was make the next move.

What would it be? Would he take her right then and there or would he keep his promise and walk away?

"Come on Billy." she whispered seriously. "Just give up. We both want it." she looked up at him and he breathed heavily. "I can feel you and I know you can feel me. Just let go." she pleaded and moved her hips into his. The friction causing both of them to groan and Billy dropped his head.

And when he did that he dropped her hands.

He was going to keep his promise.

* * *

Is life good to you or is it bad?

I can't tell anymore

Do you even know what you have?

No Sorry girl, tell a tale for me

Cuz I'm wondering how you really feel

I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you

Cuz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come true

- Lonely Girl by Pink


	10. Denial and Vulnerablility

**de·ni·al** [di ni əl]- a statement saying that something is not true or not correct.

Denial is a basic part of life. Everyone denies something at one point or another and most likely the thing they are denying is true. But the longer you deny it, the worse it gets.

* * *

_"Delay is the deadliest form of denial."_

-C. Northcote Parkinson

Her mouth was open, her body frozen and her eyes were stinging. He had left her. He had rejected her. Sure, she was trying to seduce him but she couldn't believe it. Her just left her like she was nothing. Like she meant nothing. Nothing to him.

Why does is matter though? Why was it hurting?

She didn't want to mean anything to him. He didn't mean anything to her so why expect more than that from him?

But here was she was, sitting on the alley floor with tears falling from her eyes like someone had just broken her heart. Like Billy had broken her heart.

"Fuck this." she growled and wiped at her face frantically. She pushed herself up from the ground and took a deep breath before her attempt to walk. After a few steady steps she was convinced she was good to go and walked faster to the door. She pulled the door open and stormed into the bar, still wiping at her face. She looked around the bar for Joe and sighed when she saw that he was with another girl. They were sloppily making out and she didn't want to ruin his night. She looked again and met a pair of brown eyes.

"Bodie." she whispered. He was looking back at her with a sympathetic smile. Her eyes focused on the man in front of him and her heart beater faster in her chest. "Billy." she whispered and shook it off.

"Josie." Bodie greeted and moved over, making room for her to sit down. He frowned when she shook her head, not taking her eyes off of him.

"Can you take me home?" she asked and he nodded quickly.

"No." Billy spoke up, his voice oddly soft. "Trapper doesn't want you there." he added and looked up at her. She didn't looked back but he could she the puffiness around her eyes.

"Can you take me to Billy's then?" Josie asked. Bodie looked over at Billy.

"Fine." he relented and Bodie stood up. Billy went to reach for Josie's arm but she moved away from him and stalked off towards the door. He grunted and waved Bodie off.

"Wait up." Bodie called and moved to catch up with the tiny brunette. Josie burst through the front door and she let out a small sob when the air hit her at full force. Bodie grabbed her arm and pulled her to his chest. "Shhh. It's okay." he whispered as she trembled in his arms.

"He's such an ass." she cried into his chest and he chuckled as he patted her back and started walking her to his SUV.

"Welcome to my world." he teased and she pulled away from him, wiping her eyes. He smiled at her and she sighed.

"Thanks for taking me home. Er, well to Billy's." she said sheepishly and Bodie nodded.

"No, problem kid. I was waiting for it really. Billy didn't look pleased when he walked in." he chuckled and hit the alarm button on his car. Josie turned her head and stared at the black SUV. "What?"

"That's yours?" she asked and pointed to the 2007 Chevy Tahoe.

"Yeah. Why?" he asked. He never really met anyone who didn't like it.

"It's just...well...I...humm." she paused and smiled. "Is it yours or the gangs?" she asked and Bodie laughed.

"It's mine and the gangs." he answered and pushed her to go to the other side. They got in and she turned to him.

"Okay. Is it used for personal or professional uses?" she asked and he shook his head smiling.

"Both. I'm behind Trapper on Billy's totem pole." he told her as they started to drive. "They got their cars and I got this. We needed a bigger car than the mustangs so we got this one and Billy let me have it."

"Got it? Or bought it?" she smirked and he wagged a finger at her.

"I don't kiss and tell." he told her and she laughed out loud. "Glad to see that you're feeling better though. The sad look might be cute on you but the smile looks better." he grinned and she smiled again.

Silence filled the car the rest of the way to Billy's place. Josie occasionally changed the radio station and Bodie, oddly enough, didn't hit her. Both knew that there was a nice little friendship growing here.

"I'll be riding around the block so if you need anything, I'll be close." he told her seriously. "Don't think twice about calling of something goes wrong or seems odd. Okay?" Josie nodded as she stepped out of the Tahoe

"Thank Bodie. I'll talk to you later." He nodded his head and waited for her to go inside before he drove off.

Josie locked the door behind her and threw Bodie's copy of Billy's house key on the counter. She wondered who else had a copy of it and if anyone had a copy of her and Trapper's house key. The thought of Heco being in her room was creepy.

She walked over to the couch and turned the television on. After flipping through the channels twice she gave up and grabbed Billy's house phone. She dialed the all too familiar number and waited to hear his voice.

"'Ello?"

A huge smiled broke out across her face and she laid her head back on the sofa.

"Hey, Tim." she sighed happily.

"Josie?" he asked and she frowned.

"Who else asshole?" she demanded and sat up on the couch. She heard a grunt and the sound of a lighter.

"Making sure. It's not like I expect your calls anymore." he hissed and she sighed again.

"I know, I'm sorry." she apologized. "I've been in my own little world. Plus, I thought you were still mad at me. Kelly told me she talked to you. What happened?"

"She hit me and kicked in the nuts." he answered casually.

"That's it?" she asked and she got another grunt.

"Did you not hear me say she kicked me in the nuts, Josie?" he asked annoyed and she giggled. "Ah I missed that." he whispered and she teared up again.

"I miss you, Tim." she cried and she heard a sigh this time. "I miss you so much."

"Aww Josie baby, I miss you too. It's been hell here. I've been worried about you and that guy."

"Agh, don't mention him." she groaned and laid her head in her hand.

"Why? What happened?" he asked.

"He doesn't want me. I don't know exactly why but he treats me like I'm the plague." she admitted and he laughed. "It's not funny, Tim. I actually like him." she whined and he stopped.

"You like like him?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'm just really, really horny and I wanna fuck him." she laughed and he sighed this time. "What?"

"Nothing. So I was thinking about coming out soon." Josie's eyes widened and she squealed.

"Really?" she asked and he laughed.

"Yeah, I've been saving some money and I really miss you. You think your brother will mind?" he asked and Josie shook her head.

"I don't care if he likes it or not, you're coming out here! I'm so excited." she gushed.

The phone call only lasted another minute or two. Josie was beginning to get tired and Tim had to go to work. A date for his visit wasn't discussed further than Josie telling him that she wanted him here ASAP. After that she pulled out her clothes and sighed.

She had a cute night outfit to wear in case she slept over here but that seemed to be a waste now. Instead of the boy shorts and cami, she opted for her wife beater and flannel pajama pants. While she was putting her old clothes back in the bag, a tinier baggie caught her eye. She looked around the room as she pulled it out. It was pointless because she was alone and the doors were locked but she still had to.

She ran into the kitchen and dumped the baggie out on a tiny plate. She used her pinky finger nail to chop it up and get the lumps out. She stopped when she realized she didn't the most important tool. She left the plate on the counter and started to rummage through the kitchen drawers. She found what she was looking for and grabbed the scissors from the knife rack.

"Off you go." she mumbled and cut the pink straw in half. She went back to the plate and separated the white powder into three lines. She hurried and took the first two but the last one, she took her time. Her eyes shut as she skimmed the straw over the line and moved it on down. When the line was done she tilted her head back and pinched her nose. A small forced smile spread across her face.

She cleaned up her illegal activities and went straight to the couch. She picked up her phone again and started a new message.

_K,_

_Meet me at Forsyth at 2pm. I'll have money._

_-J._

She sent the text to Kenzie and set her phone down.

And then she was out.

* * *

**vul·ner·a·ble** [vúlnərəb'l]- open to physical or emotional harm.

No body wants to be vulnerable. Some see it as a weakness and others see it as a strength. But it's still leaving you open for pain and hurt.

* * *

_"Real love hurts, real love makes you totally open and vulnerable. Real love will take you far behind yourself, and therefore real love will devastate you. If love doesn't shatter you, you will not know love"_

-Anon.

Billy was pretty damn pissed.

And horny.

Shivers went down his spine when he thought about tonight. He remembered her legs wrapped around his and the heat radiating from her body onto his. He was ready and willing to go right then and there.

But reality kicked in and he left her.

He pissed himself off. He wanted to kick the shit out of himself and then go back to her. But he didn't. He kept walking into the bar and sat in the same spot, with the same damn glare on his face all night while he tried to ignore the throbbing in his jeans.

But Billy's night only got worse.

When he was leaving, Joe was gone. He was no where to be found. Heco told him that little Joey left with a red headed chick that lived across town. Joe would not be home tonight and that mean that Billy was going to go home and face Josie by himself.

Great.

He pushed the key into the lock and opened the door slowly. He poked his head in and looked around. He didn't see her. Where was she? He dropped his keys on the counter and noticed Bodie's spare key. He looked around the living room again and that's when he noticed a tiny foot laying on the edge of the couch. As he took his jacket off, he walked over to the couch. He got to the back of his sofa and found her laying on her back with a pillow cuddled to her chest. He smirked and his eyes instinctively traveled down her body.

Her hair was down and it was spread across her face and the couch. And he could see a tiny patch of skin on her stomach that had been exposed in her pillow cuddling. He was glad that she was wearing pants though. He was scared to think of what he would do if she had shorts on and showed even more skin.

After watching her for a moment, he moved around the couch to pick her up. He could leave her here or he could take her to his bed, it was more comfortable.

At least that's what he kept telling himself.

He moved the pillow from her chest and groaned.

She wasn't wearing a bra. And she had on a white shirt.

"Fucking kill me." he groaned and couldn't stop from looking down at her chest. He could clearly see the outline of her nipple, which was now semi-hard seeing as he took the pillow away and exposed her to the cool room. Is hands gripped at his sides and he laughed a little.

The world was punishing him for his sins, that's what he was thinking.

He gently scooped one arm under her legs and the other under her neck. She shifted and her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. He groaned again when a soft sigh escaped her lips as she buried her face in his neck. He slowly and carefully made his way to his bedroom, cherishing every moment that their bodies were touching. He pushed his door open and walked over to his bed, where he laid her down on one side. He stood back up straight and looked over at the clock.

3:13am.

Trapper wasn't coming by tonight.

She'd be here, in his bed, all night.

He wasn't going to Joe's room and he couldn't fit on the couch.

"I'm gonna die." he mumbled. He shrugged his shirt off and threw it in the corner. He was going to sleep in his bed and behave himself. He was going to ignore the fact that he was sleeping next to a girl who had been throwing herself at him since day one. He was going to forget the fact that he wanted her just as bad as he wanted her and sleep.

That's it.

His hands went to his buckle but stopped when he heard the bed squeak. He turned around and dropped his hands to his sides. Josie was on her knees at the edge of his bed, her arms hanging at her sides. Her lips were in a sleepy pout and her face was...innocent.

"God back to sleep." he whispered, still frozen in spot.

"Why?" she asked softly. He knew what she meant.

"I told you why." he answered and she shook her head. He could see a tear roll down her face.

"Stop lying." she whispered harshly. He rubbed his face and looked at the ground.

"Trapper would kill me an-"

"He doesn't have to know." she added and he stopped talking. There was desperation in her voice. He looked back up at her and nearly melted. She was gorgeous. The faint moonlight coming in from the window made her watery eyes shine. She looked so sad. So vulnerable. But why?

"Josie, you know-"

"Is is because I'm his little sister?" she asked and he nodded. Another tear feel from her brown eyes and before he knew it, he was walking to the edge of the bed. He stopped just an inch before their bodies would touch and her hands went to rest on his chest. Both felt the spark ignite. His hands buried themselves in her hair and he pulled her face to look up at his.

"And because he's my best friend." he added and she let another tear fall. "He asked me to protect you from guys like me, Josie."

"I don't need to be protected from you." she cried and he leaned his forehead on hers.

"Yes, you do."

***

Billy laid there that night and thought about everything. He thought about the past week that Josie had been here. He thought about how she kept throwing herself at him. He thought about how much she had changed over the past 6 years.

There was a drastic change from the girl she was and the one that she was today. He knew 6 years would change a person but he did not expect Josie to be like she was. The Josie he thought would step out of the airport was a clean, smart mouthed but stable young woman. He didn't think she would be this sexual or this open and sarcastic. She was the complete opposite of what she had been.

And that hurt him.

He would tell anyone how much he hated her when they were younger. He hated how she dressed, how she spoke, how she acted and he hated what she called him. But he wouldn't hesitate if you asked him if he wanted her to go away. He wanted to keep her in his life. She pissed him off and irritated the hell out of him but he wanted that. It kept him real and it kept him breathing. He lived to hear her call him William because it made him feel like a normal kid. He loved the way she cooked for Trapper and him because it made him want a real life.

He missed the Josie that made him feel like a man. A good man not some monster.

He was hoping that that Josie would still be here 6 years later but he was wrong.

The Josie that came back was a sexually mature but really immature girl. She was still beautiful but she dressed it like a cheap hooker. She was still sweet and kept him on his toes but in all the wrong ways. There was no doubt in his mind that she could please him in ways he never had been pleased but he didn't like that. He never thought that he would be attracted to Josie in that way but now that he is, he wanted to show how things worked. He wanted to be that guy for her. But he couldn't. She had that guy already.

Billy was starting to see that something went down in San Diego. Josie broke her promise to Trapper. He could see it play out before his eyes. Her rebelling against Kelly to get back at her. Her dressing like she does and flaunting herself to men.

He saw this now and it made him sick to his stomach. If she would have stayed here she wouldn't be like this.

***

She had her back to him so he wouldn't see her cry. She hated when she got like this but that's what she gets for mixing cocaine with alcohol. It drags her down and into the all out emotional state. She knew what she was saying but she didn't want him to see her this weak. Vulnerable.

She wasn't sure when she developed feelings for him but she did. Maybe she always had a thing for Billy. It was him that she antagonized the most when she was younger and he hated her then. Now she's different and she still disgusts him. Was she really that repulsive?

Or was he telling the truth?

Did he really keep her at a distance because of who she was? Or because he was bad for her?

She didn't think he was bad and she wasn't twelve anymore. Trapper didn't understand that she was grown and that she changed as much as she did. Josie needed him to see that she was a different person now. She needed him to see that.

She needed to be herself again and have fun. She couldn't waste anymore time on someone who doesn't want her.

***

After a seemingly short night, Josie was awoken by her own massive hangover. She temporarily forgot where she was and sat up in bed. The previous night dawned on her and she looked beside her.

He wasn't there.

She rubbed her face and slowly crawled out of his bed and walked to his bathroom. It was tiny and messy but at least it had a mirror. She splashed her face with cold water and winced at her reflection. She was paler than usual and her eyes were still puffy crying last night. A sigh escaped her lips and she quickly wiped her face off. She stalked out the bathroom and stopped when her feet stepped onto the carpet.

He was back.

Her eyes drifted over his sculpted chest and stomach, something she got to feel but not see last night. He was even more gorgeous than she thought. Just tracing the tattoos that curled around his body was making her heat up. She finally locked eyes with him and something was...different.

He wasn't looking at her like he had been. It was different but she couldn't put her finger on what that difference was.

"Trapper's here." he whispered and it took all of her strength not to fall to her knees and beg him to touch her or kiss her.

No, she was sticking to her plan. He didn't want her. He made that clear. She was going to leave him alone even if it killed her.

* * *

_I just want somebody to love me_

_And I just need somebody to hold me_

_Somebody to love me_

_'Cause I'm hurt and I'm scared and I'm lonely_

_All I want is somebody to want me_

_'Cause I've got so much to give_

- Somebody To Love Me by Kellie Pickler


	11. Chanes, Jokes and Guilt

**I swear Tim will be in the next chapter...lol. I was going to put him in here but a scene was longer then I imagined. Daniel Tosh owns all the jokes you will read below. The guy in blunt and brutal but totally funny. Thanks for all the review and I hope you enjoy this one! :)**

* * *

**chance [chanss]- **an opportunity or a set of circumstances that makes it possible for something to happen. a gamble or other act involving uncertainty or risk.

They say that everyone deserves a second chance. But what if they didn't deserve it in the first place?

* * *

"_The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right." _

-Anon.

Almost a week had passed since the night at Billy's house. Josie begged Trapper to let her stay by herself or ask Joe or Bodie to come to their house to baby-sit her. He wondered what had happened at the house with Billy but never asked. He was too preoccupied with his secret relationship with Holly to try to pry. Bodie and Joe also kept their mouths shut. Both men had noticed a drastic change in Josie and Billy and they knew something happened that night. They did not know what happened but something went down. They just were not going to risk being slapped or hit if they asked either party. Josie kept to herself or went out with Kenzie when she had the chance, which was when she told the guys that she needed some air. She worked her ass off not to think about him and to ignore him. Billy also pulled way. He was always in a different world when they were at the bar and he stayed quite when he was working. He did not admit it to anyone but he was thinking about Josie. The same questions floated around in his head all the time.

Why had she changed so much? Why was she putting off a tough girl front? What happened in California?

He knew something went down but he did not know and he did not want everyone else to know that he was cared. That would be his second strike. The first being the admitting that he did care. He just had to be really, careful not to get that third strike and loose it all.

"So how was the night last night?" Bodie asked as he sat next to Billy at the bar. It was midday and it was almost empty.

"It was good." Billy answered shortly. Bodie nodded and sipped his beer. "Did you get someone to cover your corner tonight?" he asked. The day after the incident with him and Josie, Jamie's brother was killed and he had to go out of town. That and the fact that Joe and Bodie could not work at the same time because of their babysitting duties, put a real damper on Billy's schedule.

"Yeah, Dog said he's pull a double if he got a little freebie." Bodie told him and quickly held up his hand. "I'll pay for his freebie." He added. Billy was not one to give our anything free so Bodie had to step up to this one.

"No, I'll get it. He's doing a good job." Billy shook his head and sipped his beer. Bodie stared at his friend.

"I'm going to risk my head being knocked off." he declared and took Billy's beer from his hand. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" Billy asked. He was not stupid though. He knew what Bodie, and everyone for that matter, wanted to know. They wanted to know what went down at his house but he was not too sure about it himself.

"What happened between you and Josie that night? Both of you are acting weird. She stopped flirting and coming around you and you stopped complaining about things." Bodie sighed and pointed to Billy's beer. "I just took your beer and I didn't get hit. Plus, you just told me that Dog could have a freebie. You're..." he paused and looked at his friend painfully. "You're being nice."

"Isn't that what everyone wants?" Billy retorted as he picked at the bar. "Everyone bitches at how rude and mean I am but when I do something nice and stop yelling at everyone, they think I'm loosing my mind." he told Bodie. His voice rose with every word and Bodie smirked. "What do I need to do to please you fuck ups? Huh? Really, tell me because I'm having a hard time figuring it out by myself." Billy's fist slammed on the bar and Bodie bit his lips.

"What went down that night?" he asked again and Billy sighed.

"She was asleep when I got home and I took her to my room. I was getting undressed hen she woke up." he started to explain and Bodie's eyes widened. "I did not sleep with her," he added in and Bodie nodded. "She was different though. She looked so vulnerable and she practically begged me to let her get close to me. Thing is, she did not mean it in a sexual way. This was her softer side."

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Bodie questioned. "The hint of the old Josie. The strong, confident but mature girl instead of the one flaunting herself?" he asked.

"Yeah." Billy nodded.

"So what happened?" Bodie asked and Billy looked over at him with a pained expression.

"I told her no. I told her we could not because of her brother and I told her that she was too good for me. I'm not good for her. I'm dangerous." Billy ranted and his words slowly faded into a whisper. Bodie was shocked at this side of Billy.

"You think you're not good enough. You can't be sure." Bodie corrected and Billy scoffed.

"I'm Billy Darley. I'm no good for anyone," he declared and Bodie shook his head.

"You're good for somebody and she's right under your nose but you won't take it." Bodie shook his head angrily.

"Trapper-"

"Fuck, Trapper!" Bodie yelled. "He won't like any guy that tried to get with her. He is her brother and he has been without her for years. He is in denial and wants to make up for lost time. Besides, you are his best friend. He trusts you and he should know you won't hurt her or let anyone else hurt her."

"Being with me could get her killed or hurt." Billy shouted back and rubbed his hands over his head repeatedly. "It's too dangerous for me to get close to anyone, Bodie. You know this. When we chose this lifestyle, we gave up that kind of life." Bodie slammed his beer down and the bottom shattered from the pressure.

"You didn't choose this life, Billy," he shouted. "It was all you grew up with. I chose this life. I chose to quit school and do this. This was all you ever had a chance to do because of Bones' fat ass. You did not choose this." Billy was silent for a moment and when he spoke again, his voice was oddly soft.

"That may be true but it doesn't make it any less dangerous for her or me. My lifestyle is not one for steady relationships or families. I may not have chosen this life but I choose to pass up the family option or anything that has someone that could get hurt." Billy told him and Bodie sighed.

"She just wants a chance," he said and Billy sighed this time. "All she wants is a chance. She's not stupid, she knows what you do and she knows the risks."

"So do I and I'm not going to take them." Billy told him forcibly. Bodie nodded his head and resigned.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked. "If you're not going to take her up on her advances and try, what are you going to do?" Billy stared at his beer and shook his head very slowly.

"I don't know," he answered. "I guess I'll just have to take it day by day."

"It's going to be hard, ya know? I know you want her." Bodie smirked and Billy glared at him.

"Yes, I know that and thanks for stating the obvious." he barked and was quiet again. "I'll deal with it. I have to." Bodie watch as he drained his beer, threw down a twenty and walked out of the bar.

"What's been up his ass?" Sammy asked and held up a hand. "More like what hasn't been up his ass? He's acting funny." Bodie chuckled and finished off the rest of his beer.

"Billy boy is having the fight of his life," he announced and Sammy frowned.

"With who?" he asked. Bodie slapped down a ten on the bar and smirked at the longhaired bar tended.

"Himself."

* * *

**joke [jōk]- **a story, anecdote, or wordplay that is intended to amuse.

Everyone has some kind of sense of humor. Some have dirty humor, some have witty humor and some are dry and sarcastic. However, there are a few that have the not so humorous sense of humor. They are the killjoys.

* * *

"_Never risk a joke with someone who is unable to comprehend it."_

-Anon.

"Oh my God!" Josie squealed and Kenzie giggled as she fell over onto the couch. "That was hilarious!" she squealed again and leaned over on Kenzie's toppled body.

"I can't breath!" Kenzie choked out and wiped at her face with her sleeve. Both wide, teary eyes were on the television.

_You ever hear girls say that? _

"_I'm not religious but I'm spiritual" _

_I like to reply with, "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"_

The girls laughed again and Josie held her stomach.

"He's too much." she coughed out and Kenzie nodded her head. They had been over at Kenzie's apartment for almost two hours watching Comedy Central and haven't stopped laughing since they started.

_I hate you Google, you've caused a lot of problems in my relationship. I share a computer with my girlfriend and she would look up anything. _

_"I'm going to look up apples today." She just hits 'A' and it's "Asian ass porn" instantly. _

_Google is like, "I'll take it from here; I know exactly what you're looking up."_

_Well, every time you hit 'A' it's "Asian ass porn." _

_Google! All I ask is that you let her type three letters before you jump to such a bold conclusion. _

"He's so blunt and honest but funny at the same time. He's great." Josie laughed and wiped her eyes. Kenzie sat back up and started rubbing her cheeks.

"Who is this again?" she asked and Josie grabbed the remote. She hit info and smiled.

"Daniel Tosh." she read and Kenzie nodded.

"I'll definitely have to remember him. He's hilarious." she said and looked over at Josie. "So like, when is your guy friend from San D coming out?" she asked.

Josie smiled and curled her legs to her chest. "He should be here tonight. I'm excited."

"Have you told your brother yet?" Kenzie asked and Josie grimaced. "Uh oh."

"Big uh oh." Josie grumbled and started to pinch the fuzz off her socks. "I keep forgetting but I don't think he'll have a problem with it." Kenzie raised a brow at her.

"Does he know Tim?" she asked and Josie covered her face and kept quiet "I'll take that as a no. Okay, have you told your brother about Tim?"

More silence.

"He's going to freak," she sang and Josie picked her head up to glare the blonde.

"He won't. He'll just be annoyed that I didn't tell him I was having a visitor." Josie protested but Kenzie just smirked. "You think maybe I should go tell him?" she asked, sounding worried.

"Uh, yeah." Kenzie nodded. Josie scrunched her nose up and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, get the good shit out." she sighed and Kenzie smirked. "What? I need to be prepared." Kenzie just chuckled as she reached under the table and grabbed a tiny silver box with the letter K etched into it. She popped the top off and grabbed the tiny baggie that was filled with cocaine.

"Does he know you do this?" she asked as she poured it on a tiny mirror and started cutting it up with a tiny razor blade. Josie made a very un-lady like scoffing sound and leaned forward as Kenzie worked.

"Hell to the no." she answered and grabbed a straw from the box. "He'd kill me. I think he'd rather me smoke pot than do this shit." Kenzie chuckled.

"But pot is for babies!" she declared and pushed the mirror over to Josie, who laughed aloud. "You first. You might need it." she smirked and Josie rolled her eyes as she bent down. Josie took her two lines and pushed the mirror back over to Kenzie who took the rest. Josie cleaned up and put the box away while Kenzie put her shoes on and grabbed the remote. She was about to turn the television off when the next joke caught her attention.

_I think we should legalize marijuana in this country, so potheads have nothing to talk about ever again. _

_You are so annoying, nobody ever sees me taking this angle, but I do...with force. _

_Grow up and do coke like an adult! _

Both girls fell back onto the couch laughing and after another five minutes of crying and giggles, they were on their way to Trapper's apartment. Josie sat quietly in the passenger's seat of Kenzie's Honda Civic and stared out the window. She prayed that Kenzie was wrong and that her brother would be okay with Tim staying a few days or for however long he was going to be here. She desperately wanted to see Tim. She loved Kenzie and they were getting along famously but she was no Tim. Tim was the one she could run to and get held when she needed. Tim knew all of her secrets and she knew all of his. He was her other half and without him she couldn't live properly.

"Hey." Kenzie called. Josie snapped out of her trance and looked at an amused Kenzie. "We're here," she announced and Josie groaned.

"Here goes nothing."

* * *

**guilt [gilt]- **an awareness of having done wrong or committed a crime, accompanied by feelings of shame and regret.

Innocent until proven guilty, right?

* * *

"_It is cruelty to the innocent not to punish the guilty" _

-Anon.

"Oh God." she moaned and raked her blood red painted nails down the sides of his back. His head lolled back and he let out a guttural groan. His hands gripped her hips as he thrust into her mercilessly.

"Fuck, Holly." he groaned again when she started to clench around him. He looked down at her as watched, satisfied, as her mouth dropped open and let out a long scream as she hit her peak.

"God, Brian!" she moaned repeatedly as she rode out her high. Trapper thrust a few more times until he released and fell, as gently as he could, on top of her. He buried his face in her chest and she massaged his sides.

"I think you will be the death of me." Trapper panted and lifted his head up.

"You think?" Holly teased and he playfully glared at her. She laughed and pulled her face down to kiss him. As she was going to pull away, he deepened it. Her arms snaked around his neck and pulled him down on her again. She felt him harden again and giggled into his mouth. He bit her lip as he pulled away and looked around.

"I think we might wanna clean up." he sighed. Holly picked her head up and looked at the living room. Their clothes were scattered around the floor and her bra was hanging off the lamp.

"That's ironic." she chuckled and slowly pushed Trapper off her. "Next time we make it to your bedroom, okay?" she smirked and he shrugged his shoulders. He grabbed his boxers and slipped them on as Holly wrapped the couch's throw around her body and started to look for all of her clothes.

The door of the apartment swung open and revealed Trapper cursed aloud.

"Go the fuck away!" he yelled. Josie stepped into view and Trapper's jaw dropped. Josie stared at him horrified. Did he really just yell at her?

"What the fu-" her voice faltered as she scanned the room. Her eyes landed on the half naked red head and that was slowly pulling her bra off the lampshade. Holly saw Josie's stare, yanked the bra the rest of the way off, and shoved it under the blanket.

Trapper was ashamed that he yelled at his little sister. Holly was embarrassed. But Josie, she was fuming.

She removed her gaze from Holly and looked at her brother pointedly. "Pay her and kick her out." she seethed. Trapper's eyes bulged out of his head and Holly blushed. Now she was ashamed.

"Josie, she's no uh-this isn't work," he stammered and Holly nodded her head in agreement. Josie's face was void of any emotion as she looked back and forth between her brother and Holly.

Trapper grimaced when a small, sarcastic smirk grew on her face. He knew this look. This was the look that she had when she and Billy used to go at it all those years ago. He knew how her mind worked. She would pause to process the situation and then it was like alight bulb that turned on. Then it was all over for whoever was at her mercy.

And today, it was he and Holly.

"Oh, so you've upgraded from a regular gang banger who sleeps with random whore to one that has is own personal one?" she asked and Holly looked horrified. "Does she come with any toys? Oh, did she get raise?" she smiled enthusiastically and before she knew it Trapper had grabbed her by the arm and was in her face.

"I don't know what the fuck your problem is but you better fix it pronto, Josephine," he growled. If he weren't so angry, he would be upset for acting this way and seeing her scared but eh was too pissed off. "Now fucking apologize to her." he demanded and jerked her forward se she was facing Holly. However, Josie was not looking at Holly. Her wide, teary eyes were on her brother's red and hard face.

It took her a few minutes to regain the little control that she had and, though she wanted her next statement to come out harsh, it was a mere whimper. "I'm insulted that you'd ask me to lower myself that way. That whore doesn't deserve my apology."

Trapper's nostrils flared and his grip tightened. Tears sprung to Josie's eyes again and she bit her lip as he drug her to the front door. He ripped it open and shoved her outside, shutting the door behind them both. He pushed her away from him and she stumbled into the light pole.

"What the fuck?" he shouted at her and she didn't stop the tears falling from her face. Her breathing was heavy and she saw that Kenzie had opened the passenger door. "What the hell? Why did you say that?' he yelled as she started to walk away. "Where the fuck do you think your going?" he exclaimed and grabbed her arm again. She yelped when he jerked her back to him and was about to hit him when someone grabbed her shoulders. She looked up to see the angry glare of Bodie holding her to his chest.

"Go back inside." he demanded and Trapper shook his head. Joe came up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Go or we'll call Billy." he threatened. He closed his eyes and rolled his head around before opening them again and looking at Josie. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with tears.

Now he felt bad.

"Josie, I'm sorry." he whispered and tried to walk forward but she moved behind Bodie. A glare was now on her pitiful looking face.

"Don't fucking speak to me!" she shouted and he flinched. "Go back to your whore. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I have Billy and his boys looking after me, remember? That leaves you all the time for yourself." her voice cracked at the end and guilt spread over Trapper's face.

With that, she turned around and ran to Kenzie's awaiting car. The three men watched as the girls sped out of the parking lot.

Trapper leaned against the wall and looked at the ground. "Anyone going to go after her?" he asked softly.

"No." Bodie answered. "She needs time alone." Trapper shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What was that about?" Joe asked.

"She caught me with Holly and she fucking freaked out. She started bashing Holly and calling her all sorts of things. I have never seen her that mean and angry. Not even with Billy when we were younger and they fought all the damn time." Bodie and Joe smirked.

"Did you get her point though?" Bodie asked and Trapper groaned.

"Have I really been that absent?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

"Yeah." Joe nodded. "When you haven't been working you've been sleeping or with Holly. Every time you go to the bar, Josie is with me and you're with Holly."

"You asked Billy and us to look out for her when it should be you doing that. I understand that you wanted help but so far, we have been doing the work. You won't even let her stay at her house by herself." Bodie added and Trapper sighed.

"It's dangerous," he whispered.

"We will have people around here, Trap, but she doesn't need someone with her at all times. You barely let her go with her friend there." Bodie retorted and Trapper recalled the first time that Josie told him that she had a friend. He gave her the third degree and told her she didn't need friends from this area. He was an ass but that didn't stop him telling her that she couldn't see Kenzie. Joe had convinced him to let her leave. He told Trapper it was guy friends or a girl friend. Trapper didn't like the though of Josie going to hang out with Joe and his friends all the time.

"I didn't know." Trapper groaned and Joe chuckled.

"I hope not or we'd be kicking your ass right now." he joked. Trapper rolled his eyes and stood up straight.

"What do I do now?" he asked and looked at Bodie. A small but confident smirk crossed his face.

"You let her be the adult that she is. You let he do her own thing ands top trying to over protect her. She's not stupid. She knows the difference in right or wrong, Trapper. Let her grow up." he told him.

"I just missed out on so much." he sighed and Joe patted his back.

"Yeah but hold her down. She is missing out on this part of her life because you want to keep her as a child. She's a big girl. Let her do big girl things." Joe smirked and Trapper glared at him.

"I'll pummel any guy that comes near her," he warned. Bodie and Joe shared a look and nodded.

"That is the big brother thing to do, Trapper. Keeping her locked away inside your apartment isn't." Bodie reminded him and Trapper waved his hand.

"Alright, alright. I get it. I've been an ass. I'll stop." he resigned and pointed to the wall behind him. "But I have to go to damage control now. I'll see you guys later. Let me know if anyone talks to her."

Bodie and Joe nodded as Trapper retreated inside.

"Well, that was perfect timing." Joe smirked and Bodie laughed.

"Yeah, we didn't even have to get him drunk."

* * *

_What am I to do with my life?  
(You will find it out don't worry)  
How am I supposed to know what's right?  
(You just gotta do it your way)  
I can't help the way I feel  
But my life has been so overprotected  
_

-Overprotected by Britney Spears


	12. Disappear and Realizations

****

**OMG...*gasp* Is it really what you think it is? An update? From me on HSR?**

**Yes, it is. LOL Sorry it took so long but Twilight had me kidnapped. My new DS story...Guardian Angel...has gotten me in the DS mood again. But as much as i wanted to write on that, i wanted to update this.**

**So voila! Here it is!!**

**

* * *

**

**re·al·ize**- to be aware or conscious of something, or to become aware of something.

Sometimes the things that we miss or don't see at all are the things that are the most obvious. Nevertheless, it is all just a matter of time before we realize it. And hopefully, it won't be too late.

* * *

"_Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real."_

_-Anon._

It was quiet. So quiet that you could drop a pin in the fluffy carpet and hear the tiniest, softest thump when it hit. Really, it was that quiet. Unfortunately, it wasn't a comfortable silence. It was tense and anger filled. Out of the three people in the room, one was on the verge of tears because she blamed herself. One had loads to say but was afraid to talk. He was afraid of the third person's fists and steel-toed boots.

If you haven't gathered this yet, Holly was on the verge of tears, Trapper was afraid and Billy was wearing the steel-toed boots, and he really wanted to put them to good use right now and stick his foot so far up Trapper's ass that it would have to be surgically removed.

Billy Darley was, once again, beyond livid. For it was only half an hour ago that he got a call from his little brother saying that Trapper and Josie got into a slight physical altercation.

Three things ran through his mind when Joe said that. One, how in the hell did Joe know what the word altercation meant? Two, what were Trapper and Josie fighting about? They never fought. And three, of course, why in the hell did it get physical?

Billy told Joe to tell Trapper to stay put and then hung up. Not even two minutes later, Bodie called to fill him in on what Joe forgot to mention.

Josie was gone. Not as in left the town, at least Bodie didn't think so but gone as in 'we let her go cool off without anyone following her.' This pissed Billy off even further but he understood, to an extent. He knew first hand how Josie was when she was upset or angry. She wanted to be left alone and wanted to get away from whoever had upset or angered her. He knew that if Bodie or Joe, or anyone, would have gone after her, she would have flipped out and things would be much worse.

So here Billy was, standing at the doorway with one hand gripping the doorframe and the other rubbing his face. No one dared to say anything until he did.

"I got a call not too long ago," he started. "From Joe. Ya know what he said?" His eyes scanned over Holly and to Trapper, who was looking at the ground.

Silence.

"Do you know what he said?" he growled and Trapper cleared his throat.

"It was just a big-"

"No, he didn't say that." Billy smirked and Trapper glared at him. "He said that he left Bodies' apartment and saw you and Josie fighting. Know what else he said? Take a wild guess."

"That I was hurting her." Trapper whispered and slowly fell onto the couch. Billy slammed the door as he moved into the living room.

"Damn right." he nodded. "He said you had her by the arms and she was crying. Then he said you two exchanged some words and she left."

"And they let her leave." Trapper huffed. A loud yelp escaped his lisp when Billy's hand collided with the back of his head. Holly gasped from the corner and Billy shot her a warning glare. "What the fuck did you hit me for?" Trapper yelled and Billy casually lit a cigarette.

"I didn't hit you. I smacked you. There's a difference," he corrected. "As for your question, I hit you because you're a fucking idiot. You're complaining to me about how my boys let her leave. Why?" he asked. Trapper knew there was going to be some kind of catch but he didn't see what it was just yet.

"Because they are supposed to watch out for her." he answered and Billy sighed deeply.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk Brian." he scolded. "If I remember correctly, you asked me, and my guys, to help you watch Josie, right? Like when you were working or were busy, right?"

Silence.

"Right?!" Billy yelled and everyone jumped.

"Yes." Trapper growled and rubbed his hands over his head.

"Were you busy when Bodie and Joe were here? No, therefore they didn't have to go after her. Plus, you know as well as I do what would have happened f they went after her." Billy told him and Trapper nodded. "Long story short, don't complain about my boys when it's you that's fucking up the simple task to making sure you're sister is alive and in her bed every night." Trapper started to protest but Billy cut him off. "We'll get back to that in a few minutes. Right now, I want to know why you laid your hands on your little sister and what started all of this."

"Am I free to speak now?" Trapper asked sarcastically.

Billy glared at him, "It's not a matter of when you speak, you're free to speak whenever you want, Trap. It's a matter of watching what the fuck you say to me that will affect your ability to talk."

Once again, there was silence but Billy was sure that Trapper got the threat loud and clear.

"She walked in on Holly and I...we were uh, busy and Josie freaked out. She went off on Holly, calling her all sorts of names. I just snapped and drug her outside. We yelled at each other, Joe and Bodie showed up, she yelled some more, she left, they yelled at me, I came back inside and they called you." Trapper answered as quickly as he could.

"You were busy?" Billy asked and looked over at Holly. "I should have known."

"What?" Trapper asked, looking thoroughly confused.

"You're always busy with Holly. Always too busy to notice your sister." Billy said and Trapper sighed.

"I've already heard this from Josie, Bodie and Joe. I don't need to hear it from you."

"Yes, the fuck you do. And you will fucking listen until your damn ears bleed. Got me?" Billy seethed and Trapper nodded slowly. "The first night at the bar, you remember that?"

Trapper nodded, "Yeah. You practically pushed me out the door to take Josie home."

"What did you do that night?" Billy asked. Trapper's face contorted in more confusion.

"Umm I drank and talked with the guys and Holly," he answered. Billy stayed quiet and waited for Trapper's words to sink in.

"What did Josie do?" Billy finally asked.

"I don't know. I was too bus-" Trapper's mouth snapped shut and he clenched his fists at his side. "Fuck." So maybe he was finally seeing that he was an asshole. He pushed his sister off onto a bunch of gang bangers while he fucked his hooker girlfriend. Cliché, huh? He risked a glance at Holly who looked as guilty as ever. Everything was sinking on for the both of them.

Trapper let out a long breath and looked over to Billy, "Why do you even care? You hated that I asked you for help." Billy's eyes narrowed and he took a step closer to Trapper.

"Yeah, well my aggravations had to be set aside when you magically stopped wanting to keep her safe." he growled and Trapper winced. "Someone has to look out for her."

Trapper cast his eyes down and mumbled, "Whatever. I'm not that bad."

"You're not?" Billy asked. Trapper stayed quiet for a moment and glanced at Billy, who was waiting patiently.

Trapper shook his head, "No, and I'm not the one at fault here." Slowly, he felt like he had one up on Billy. Josie wasn't innocent in this, right? "She was the one who flew off the handle and started disrespecting my girlfriend." Holly's heart fluttered at his words but Billy's grew colder. All these years Billy had thought Trapper was the one that had more common sense. Today, Billy didn't think that.

"Have you ever thought to look at this through her eyes?" he asked.

Trapper stared at him confused, "What do you mean?" Billy groaned through a chuckle and rubbed his hands over his head.

"Put yourself in your sister's shoes." he waved his hands at Trapper and then around the room. "Tell me what you see."

Speaking like it was the most obvious truth, Trapper answered without a seconds hesitation, "I see me trying to be happy with Holly. I see her being jealous and naïve." Billy stared at him with a look a pure disbelief.

"Really? That's it?" he asked and Trapped nodded slowly.

"Yeah, what am I supposed to see?"

Billy looked over at Holly for a second and shook his head. "How about the brother that she hasn't seen in 6 years ditching her to go fuck a known Southie hooker?" Holly and Trapper both flinched but Billy didn't stop. "How about that brother tossing her into a gang bangers house to be babysat?" A flicker of recognition flashed on Holly's face and Billy hoped that Trapper was going to catch it too. After a few seconds of silence, it was apparent that he didn't. "Did you see that or am I walking in the wrong shoes here?"

Trapper sighed deeply and shook his head, "Why would she care that I'm seeing Holly or that she's a hooker?" Billy groaned aloud again and closed his eyes.

"Maybe because she cares about your dumb ass. Ever think of that? Maybe she doesn't want to see you get hurt." Billy said exasperated.

"I'd never hurt him." Holly interjected weakly. Billy shot her a hard glare and she pursed her lips.

"I don't care." Billy gritted his teeth, tired of the major need for glasses in this room. People were so blind sometimes. "But we all know how testy Trap gets when you're with a client. Josie doesn't know you or how you and her brother are together. She just sees her brother in a situation that could get him hurt."

"Well, she shouldn't jump to conclusions about her or us." Trapper retorted.

"She wouldn't have to if you wouldn't keep pushing her off to go hang out with Holly." Billy shouted. "If you actually tried to talk to her about yours and Holly's relationship, maybe this wouldn't have happened." Silence again but this time Billy could tell that it was all starting to sink into Trapper's thick skull.

"When did you get so," Holly quietly mused. "Dare I say it, wise?"

"Since Trapper stuck his dick up your shit. Somebody needs to be focused and level headed." Billy snapped at her, getting tired of all the bullshit. It was about time that Trapper realized his fuck up and fix. Quick.

However, that didn't look like it was going to happen at this moment.

"Trapper raised a brow and asked, "Are you admitting that I was the smart one?" He knew he was walking on a thin ice but he still couldn't process what Billy was saying. He was hurting his sister? No, he was supposed to protect her. He didn't want to believe that he would hurt her.

Billy's temper flared even more and, in one quick movement, he was holding his best friend by his neck, squeezing as much as he could without hurting him too bad.

He leaned his face to Trapper's and his lips curled angrily when he spoke. "Are you asking me to kick your ass?" Trapper put his hands on Billy's wrists and dug his nails in.

"Look," he rasped. "I'm sorry. I know I've been messing up but I really didn't realize what I was doing." He drew in a deep breath when Billy let him go and held up a hand when Holly tried to walk over.

"Are you admitting that you're a dumbass?" Billy asked. Trapper sighed and shook his head. This day was not going his way at all.

"Bodie and Joe already had my ass for this earlier," he said. "Apparently, they think I need to let her spread her wings and let her be a grown up." he said the last few words as if they were poison. He didn't like what they wanted him to do. Let Josie go out on her own? Let her see other people? Guys? Dating? No way.

Billy's eyes rose as he peered down at Trapper. "They said that?"

"Yeah." Trapper nodded and slowly stood up. "They said I needed to let her do her own thing. She won't be able to make friends or date if I keep hiding her." Trapper didn't know what emotion flickered across Billy's face and he wasn't sure that he wanted to ask.

"What did you say?" Billy asked curiously. If this was what he thought it was about, he was going to be without a brother and a best friend before the end of the day.

"I told them they were right. I'm still going to pull the big brother card but I can't say whom she can and cannot see. I also cannot say what she can and cannot do. She's a big girl now." "Trapper admitted. Reluctantly. As much as he wanted to keep her hidden and maybe even send her to be a nun, he couldn't. He looked up at Billy and flinched when he saw the look on his face. Billy was very angry. "What? What is that look for?"

Billy ignored him and walked to the door. "I just remembered that I owe an ass beating to two fuckers' downtown." he swung the door open and didn't look back as he walked out. "I'll talk to you later."

* * *

**dis·ap·pear-** to be gone from or no longer be seen in a place without any explanation

People vanish every day. They go out for a walk and never come back. They go out to get milk and a week later, their picture is on the side of the carton. Sometimes they want to disappear and others times...

* * *

"Truth disappears with the telling of it."

-Lawrence Durrell

Billy was livid. Again. And, as odd as it sounds, he was tired of being angry. Being angry all the time was tiring as hell. But today, everything was pissing him off and it was all for good reasons. Trapper has pissed him off by yelling and touching Josie like he did. Then, Trapper pissed him off more for being an idiot and not knowing what he was doing to Josie. Last, but so not least, Trapper tells him what Joe and Bodie convinced him to agree to.

Let Josie be a grown up. Let Josie date. Let Josie go out on her own.

Why would Joe and Bodie be concerned with that? Why would they care if she dated or if she went out by herself? They were not going to date her. They were not her brothers. And they did not take the 'oath' to protect her like Billy did. So why do they care so much?

Billy knew these answers.

Somehow, Joe found out that Billy might have had a few tiny feelings for Josie. Only one person really knew that Billy would try to get with her if she had a different brother.

Bodie.

Bodie told Joe. Joe and Bodie conspired behind his back to get Trapper to agree to let Josie date and that would give Billy his chance with her.

Sounds easy now, right? Not.

Trapper would still try to kill Billy no matter what he agreed to let Josie do.

Therefore, Billy was still pissed off tremendously and he wanted to take it out on two certain people. Unfortunately, he couldn't find those two people anywhere. Billy drove around all his corners and streets and didn't see Joe or Bodie anywhere. He went back by the apartments and didn't see them anywhere. He talked to Heco and Spink and they didn't know where they were at either.

After, driving for half an hour and 54 dialed call to both Joe and Bodies' cell phone's, Billy pulled over on the side of the street and parked his car. He looked down at the phone in hands and frowned.

"Where in the hell are you two at?" he muttered to himself. "I need to vent on your asses and you disappear." He shook his head and went to set it down when it started to ring. He snatched it up to his ear and turned the car on. "This better be Joe or Bodie."

"Billy, man-" Joe's voice was panicky so Billy figured that he had talked to one of the guys and knew that Billy was looking for him.

"Where the fuck are you? Is Bodie with you?" Billy yelled into the phone, gripping the steering wheel before he hit something and broke it.

"Yeah he's here. But I need-"

Billy interrupted again and put the car in drive. "Where the fuck are you two? I have a lot of shit to spout off about and I'd like to-"

"Billy, hush for a second. I need-" Joe tried again.

"-do it in person and don't fucking tell me to shut up!" he sped off from the side of the road. "Now tell me where you-"

"Billy, please!" Joe begged.

"-are at?" Billy heard a muffled voice in the background and tightened his grip on the wheel. "Is that Bodie? What the fuck is he saying?"

"He won't listen." Joe was talking to Bodie and Billy frowned when he heard the shuffle of them exchanging the phone.

"Billy?" Bodie asked.

"What the fuck is going on? And where are you at?" Billy asked again.

"It's not me and Joe you need to worry about right now." Bodie told him firmly.

"Like hell. I know what you two said to Trapper!" Billy screamed and switched lanes so he could pass a car. "I told you-"

"Fuck what we told Trapper!" Bodie yelled and Billy growled loudly.

"Don't fucking inter-"

"Josie is gone!" Bodie screamed into the phone. Both of Billy's feel found the brake and hit it until he couldn't press it any further. He heard his tires and the cars around him squeal but he didn't care.

"What?" he seethed through gritted teeth.

"She's gone. We went to look for her not too long after she left and we can't find her." Bodie told him. His normally calm voice was stressed and rough.

"She left with Kenzie, right?" Billy asked.

"Yeah. We looked at her place and looked for her car. No one has seen them." Bodie sighed. "We've called her phone and it's off." Billy looked in his mirror and realized he was still sitting in the middle of the road.

"Where are you at?" Billy asked one last time.

"At the bar now. We got a few of the guys here with us. They just got off."

Billy let of the brake and made a U-turn. "Call all the guys except Trapper. Call everyone we know. I don't care if they are busy or not. Drop what they are doing and get to the bar." Billy demanded as he drove towards town. "I'm going into town now to look. Once they get there, tell them what's going on and send them out to search."

"Alright." Bodie agreed. Billy hung up without another word and threw the phone in the seat. His day was just getting better and better.

* * *

I've got my things packed  
My favorite pillow  
Got my sleeping bag  
Climb out the window  
All the pictures and pain  
I left behind  
All the freedom and fame  
I've gotta find  
And I wonder  
How long it'll take them to notice that I'm gone  
And I wonder  
How far it'll take me

-Runaway by Pink


	13. Excitement, Spies and Breakdowns

**ex·cite·ment **[ik sitmənt]- the feeling or condition of lively enjoyment or pleasant anticipation

Even the tiniest things can excite you to no end. And after a long, hard day anything exciting is more than welcomed.

"_Nothing is so aggravating than calmness."_

-Oscar Wilde

"Oh my God!" Josie seethed as she looked out the car window. Kenzie was keeping quiet as they drove around town. "I'm so pissed."

Kenzie sighed and nodded her head. "I know. You've said that like a million times." she reminded her. Josie rolled her eyes and fought back a rude comment. She wasn't mad at Kenzie, she was mad at her brother.

"My idiot, self-consuming, half-baked, junkie, gang member brother who dates and fucks a hooker when he's not beating up for kids for money or toking out in an alley." she mumbled to herself as she drew on the window.

"So, like, what are we doing?" Kenzie asked after another silent moment. "Because I don't have the biggest gas tank in the world and gas doesn't pour out of trees." Josie looked over at the clock on the dashboard and sighed. Tim's plane was getting in at 6:30pm and it was only 5pm.

"If you want to go ahead to the airport we can do that." she suggested and looked over at Kenzie. She smiled a little when Kenzie pulled a U turn in the street and headed back for town.

"So does your brother even know Tim's coming?" Kenzie asked cautiously. She was afraid to mention Trapper in fear that Josie might go on a curing rampage again and beat her car up...again.

"No." Josie growled. "I was going to tell him but no! He was fuc-"

Kenzie cut her off by turning her radio up the loudest it could go. It hurts her ears but it made Josie shut up. She reached over and turned it back down.

"That wasn't very nice, Kenzie." Josie reprimanded her but her tone wasn't firm. "But I'm sorry. I know I must suck to be around but I can't help it. I'm so pissed." she repeated her earlier statement and Kenzie smirked.

"Again, I know." she put a CD in and skipped the first few songs. "Now, listen to the music and chill. We'll go pick your boy up and relax for the rest of the day."

Josie closed her eyes and let the sounds and lyrics of Coldplay relax her. She wasn't sure if Kenzie was a mind reader or if it was just luck that this was the song she flipped to but it fit Josie's day perfectly.

_O no, I see,  
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,  
And I lost my head,  
The thought of all the stupid things I said,_

O no what's this?  
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,  
I turned to run,  
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,  
And I never meant to do you wrong,  
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,  
O no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no I see,  
A spider web and it's me in the middle,  
So I twist and turn, 

_Here I am in love in a bubble,_

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,  
I never meant to do you wrong,  
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,  
Although I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,  
They spun a web for me,  
They spun a web for me. 

Part of Josie felt bad for what she said to her brother, not to Holly. She loved her brother but was hurt. Did she have the right to say those things and act that way towards him? Was she in the wrong here or was he? She didn't have much time to think those things over though.

"We're here." Kenzie sang as she parked in front of the airport's front entrance. Josie looked at the clock and frowned. It was 6pm now. "You fell asleep right after Trouble went off. I didn't want to wake you up." Kenzie told her as if she had read Josie's mind. "Oh, and I stopped to get something to eat." She pointed to the brown McDonald's bag next to Josie's arm.

"Thanks." Josie smiled and opened the bag. "Think I can eat this inside?" she asked holding up the burger. Kenzie looked out the window and squinted her eyes.

"I don't see any signs saying you can't bring food in so just take it in." she smiled. "Just down it if they say something." They laughed as they got out of the car and headed into the airport. Josie knew that Tim was coming in on the 136 Flight from LAX so when she spotted the sign showing where the flights would be she stopped.

"Wing B." she mumbled to herself and looked at Kenzie. "Where's that at?" Kenzie didn't say anything as she grabbed Josie's arm and walked to the west side of the airport. Josie kept a good eye on the crowd as they walked through it. She was hoping to see Tim if he for some reason got in earlier than expected. But she didn't see him as they walked or when they got to Wing B.

"What does he look like again?" Kenzie asked as they waited for the plane to land. Josie was already on her feet looking over the heads of people as they exited the door.

"He's kinda short but not too short. He's Latino, he has loads of tattoos and he's cute as hell." Josie told her absently. She stood on top of the chair was on and smiled. This is a much better view, she thought.

Her eyes caught on a tanned bald head as it weaved out of the door, looking around the crowd. Josie jumped up and down in the chair, unaware that Kenzie was making sure she didn't fall and break her neck.

"Tim!" she yelled out over the crowd. His head shot over to see her and huge smiles broke out on both of their faces. He pushed his way through the crowd as Josie jumped off the chair and ran over to him. "Ah! I missed you!" she screamed when she launched herself at him. He caught her in mid air and held her for dear life.

"I missed you too, baby girl." he mumbled into her neck. They pulled apart after a few moments and Josie grinned at him. "I know that grin." he said as a smile formed on his face again.

"You should." she beamed. "It's time to get down and have a kick ass reunion!"

**spy [spī]- **a watcher of other people in secret

It's not really nice to spy on people but if no one spied, where would we get all of our good gossip? Plus, it's only stalking if you take pictures from a tree outside their window.

"_Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies."_

-Jane Austen

Billy sat in the parking lot of the Four Roses waiting. He had been sitting in his car, in the parking lot, for almost an hour. He didn't want to go inside the bar in case he missed the call or couldn't get a signal inside. He also didn't want to be tempted to get drunk. No, he needed to be sober and available.

Josie was missing. No one knew where she was at. Yet. And Billy wanted to find her before Trapper completely freaked out. He didn't take the news too well when Billy called him about it earlier. He went ballistic and blamed himself for ignoring her. Billy thought that it was ironic that the time he finally realized how much of an ass he was being to her, she went missing. He didn't actually say that to Trapper but he would have liked to.

Therefore, he was sitting here waiting. Waiting for someone to call him and tell him that they had either found Josie and had her with them or they had an idea where she as at. He hoped that it wasn't bad. He hoped that she and Kenzie just went off to fuck around and cool off. He didn't feel like having to go meet some punk and beat his ass tonight. Today was too stressful. He needed a break.

He needed Josie to be safe and in his sight by the end of the night.

He jumped a little when someone banged on his window. He rolled it down and glared at Heco.

"Don't fucking hit my windows you jackass." he warned and Heco nodded his head quickly.

"Sorry but Bodie told me to hurry and find you." he panted. Billy sat up in his seat and reached for the ignition.

"Did you find her?" he asked. Heco nodded and Billy turned the key. "Where?"

"Baggy said he saw Kenzie's car over at the La Qunita on 42nd St. He went in and asked the clerk if any girls checked in and he said yeah." Billy put the car in drive and was about to drive off but Heco didn't move. "There's something else."

"What?" he snapped.

Heco looked nervous for a moment. "The clerk said a guy checked in with them." Billy's eyes narrowed.

"Who is he?" he asked.

"No one knows." Heco said shaking his head. "The clerk said the guy couldn't have been from around here. He didn't have an accent. But he did have darker skin and tattoos all over." Billy thought for a moment and looked over at Heco.

"What room?"

"Uh, 201. It's right up front." Heco said and looked around the parking lot. "Listen, I wasn't going to ask even though Bodie told me to. Let me come with you. Just in case."

Billy revved his engine and glared at Heco. "That wasn't a question."

Billy took off out the parking lot and headed toward 42nd street. He knew exactly where the motel was. He had to go pick up Joe over there a few times and even busted up Heco's face one night. It wasn't a crappy place to stay it was just the part of town it was in. It was even worse than Stokely Hall. Billy didn't know why she was there or who she was with but he didn't like it. It didn't sit well with him.

"Gotcha." he mumbled when he turned into the parking lot. He saw Kenzie's car sitting in front of room 201. He could see that lights peeking through the thin curtains and knew that someone was in there. He parked next to Kenzie's car and got out of the walked to the door. Right as he was about to knock on it, a scream came through the door.

"No! Put your clothes back on!" It was Josie's voice. Billy put a hand on the gun in his pocket and with one swift kick broke the door down. Two more screams echoed in the tiny room as Billy burst in, gun drawn.

The first thing he saw was not something he wanted to see. The guy they were with was half naked. His shirt was off, showing off his tattooed skin. His pants were hanging around his ankles and his thumbs were still hooked into the band of his boxers.

"Hands." Billy growled. The guy moved his hands and held them up in the air. Billy knew he could take the guy. Sure he was built but he was short as fuck.

"Billy, what the fuck are you doing!?" Josie screeched. Billy looked at her and growled again when he saw her on the bed that the guy was standing closest to. Luckily, for the guy, she was still wearing clothes. Granted the clothes consisted of a very small piece of fabric as a skirt and a see through button up blouse. But she was still dressed and that was all that mattered.

"Wait." the guy snarled. "That's Billy." Billy's ears perked up. Oh so he knew me, Billy thought. Good, that means he must know that I won't hesitate to pull this trigger.

"Yeah." Billy nodded. "That a problem?" he asked. Out the corner of his eye he finally saw Kenzie. She came out the bathroom slowly and stayed up against the wall.

"How about we not talk about this now?" Josie interrupted and glared at Billy. "How about you tell me what the fuck you're doing here?" Billy lowered the gun and looked over at her.

"What I'm doing here?" he repeated sarcastically. "I'm here because your ass disappeared for the afternoon. I'm here because my boys tried to give you some time to yourself and then you repay them by ignoring their calls."

"She don't need people following her." Tim retorted. "She's a big girl."

Billy raised the gun again and Tim flinched. "Yeah, I know. But she's a big girl that I am supposed to look after." he turned back to Josie and nodded to the door. "Get your ass in the car. Now." Tim started to say something but Josie cut him off.

"No, I'll go." she said. "I'll call you later." She stormed past Billy and out the door. Billy didn't break his glare with Tim until he shut the motel room door. He put his gun away and looked at Josie sitting in the car. He knew she was pissed. He could see it on her face. He also knew that she had a lot to say to him when he got into that car.

"Here we go again." he muttered and opened his car door.

**break·down [bráyk dòwn]**- a sudden physical or psychological collapse.

Having a mental breakdown every now and then does not mean that you are crazy or in need of a psych evaluation. It means that the people around you need to take a chill pill and leave you the hell alone.

"_One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."_

_-Bertrand Russell_

"I can't fucking believe you did that to me!" Josie screeched. Billy ignored her as he drove through the streets. He was far to pissed to be dealing with her shit right now.

"Who the fuck was that guy in there?" he asked. Josie threw her head back and laughed. "I mean it! Who the fuck is he?" Who was he? Why was he with Josie in a hotel room? Why was he half naked and in bed with her?

"A fucking friend." she yelled again. "Like I fucking told you already. A friend from California that came out to visit." A friend that just had a gun pointed at him by the guy she had been drooling over.

Billy shook his head and gripped the wheel. "Why didn't I know he was coming? Did Trapper know?" he asked. Josie gaped at him and shook her head.

"One, it's none of your fucking business. Two, Trapper was too busy with his whore to take the time to talk to me to find out that I had a friend coming." she told him. "Now take me back to the room. I want to spend time with him."

Billy laughed out loud and looked over at her. "You really think that I'm going to take you back there?" he asked. "Do I looked stupid to you? Is it tattooed across my forehead or something?" His smirk faded when hers appeared.

"No, but asshole is. Now take me back." she demanded again. Without warning Billy pulled a sharp right turn. Josie hit the door hard as he pulled into an old park and slammed on the brakes.

"Why were you at a hotel with him? And why the fuck was he half naked looking like he was about to be naked?" Billy inquired as he threw the car in park and turned it off. The silence was deafening as the rumbled of the engine cut off. Josie repositioned herself in her seat again and crossed her arms over her chest.

"We were fooling around, having fun before you came bursting in." she snapped. Billy clenched his jaw and stared out the window.

"That's how you have fun? By stripping?" he asked. Josie rolled her eyes at him.

"It was a joke! Get over it." Billy shook his head at her and fought back the feeling of wanting to pummel this Tim guy.

"Again, why were you at the hotel with him?" he looked at her out the corner of his eye.

"I didn't want to go home." she answered. Billy noticed her voice had lost it's hard edge. "I'm mad at Trapper." Billy sighed and leaned back into his seat.

"I know what happened this morning." he informed her. "And I want you to know that I chewed his ass for it." he saw her look over at him and he finished.

"What did you say to him?" she whispered. She didn't really like the idea of Billy chewing out her brother but she knew that Billy had an idea of what Trapper was doing to her. It was just shocking that Billy stood up for her.

"Let's just say that when you do go home, he'll be groveling at your feet." he told her. She didn't say anything for a minute but when she did he could hear the tears in her voice.

"Why does he ignore me?" Billy squeezed his eyes shut and didn't answer. Josie looked over at him with tears streaming down her face. She threw herself across the car and started hitting his chest. "Why is he like this? What happened to him?" she wailed as Billy tried to hide from her blows. Her hands smacked his face and chest. They didn't hurt but she did end up scratching him under his eye. He grabbed her wrists and yanked her the rest of the way across the car and pushed her against the steering wheel. "You did this to him, didn't you? You turned him into this thug that screws hookers!"

"He made his own decisions!" he yelled at her. The tears were falling freely down her flushed cheeks and dripping onto his forearms. "I didn't make him do anything that he didn't want to do." his voice was lower. Josie started to shake and fell limp in his grip.

Ever so slowly Billy pulled her away from the wheel and into him. Her head fell into his chest as she cried. He wrapped an arm around her in an effort to comfort her but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't deal with crying woman on a daily basis. Hell, it had been years since he had to deal with someone around him crying.

"He doesn't want me here." she mumbled into his chest. Billy grunted and pulled her head up to look at him.

"All he talked about after you left was how much he wanted you back here with him. He missed so don't ever think differently." The tone in his voice didn't leave her any room to disagree.

"So why did you come after me tonight?" she asked. Billy's eyes narrowed at the sudden change of subject but went along with it anyways.

"Trapper was worried." he said shortly. Josie stared at him oddly and bit her lip.

"Why do you care? If he was worried about me, he could have come to look for me himself. Why did you come?" Billy wasn't liking where this was going at all. He knew Josie was sneak and now was not the time to be talking about this. And with her still straddling his lap, it wasn't the place either.

"He's my friend. I help my friends out." he looked over her shoulder to the clock on the dashboard. "We need to be getting back. I still have to tell him that I got you." Josie's eyes brightened and she sat up a little straighter. He bit back a moan when she rubbed against his almost hard member.

"So no one know you have me yet?" she asked and Billy carefully shook his head. She looked around coyly and smirked at him. "No one knows that we're out here all alone?"

"Josie." Billy warned. He grew harder when she licked her lips and pushed her hips down into his. "Fucking stop." he half growled and half moaned. He gripped her hips and went to push her off but she had a right hold onto his headrest. "God, a second ago you were bawling your fucking eyes out and now you're trying to fucking ride me in my car? What the fuck are you bi-polar?" She laughed huskily and dipped her head down to his ear as her hand traveled down his neck.

"No, it's called be an opportunist. I see an opportunity to get what I want," she emphasized her next words by wrapping her hand around his erection and squeezing lightly. "And I jump on it."

Before she could even move her hand or spit out another crude remark Billy had his lips on hers. She snatched her hand from his crotch and brought it up to his shirt. She fisted it in her hands and pulled him closer. She didn't want him to get away now that she had him. This was too good to be true.

But it was happening. Their lisp were moving together frantically. Tongues lashing out at one another, lips fighting for dominance. It was everything they thought it would be. Rough, hurried and very dangerous.

Billy's hand slid up the outside of her thighs and up under her skirt. He growled into her mouth when he felt the bare flesh of her ass and squeezed it roughly. That elicited a moan from Josie and made her grind her hips against his again. He grunted when she pulled back but stopped trying to pull her back when he saw what she was doing.

She was about to take her shirt off.

Whoa.

"Stop." Billy growled. Josie smirked at him and dropped her hands.

"What you wanna take it off yourself?" she asked sweetly. He squeezed his eyes shut and gathered any bit of sanity that he had left. This was going to suck.

"No. We need to stop." he wanted to cringe at the murderous look on her face.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" she shrieked. He shook his head and had to hold out his arms when she tried to kiss him again. "Oh my God, you are a fucking idiot." she threw herself back into her seat and fixed herself using the mirror. "Let me guess, we have to stop because you don't want to make Trapper angry? Or is it because you're actually afraid of my brother? Huh? Is that it? Are you scared of him? Is that why you won't let us continue? Tell me because I really want to know?" As she waited for an answer Billy's phone rang. He looked at the ID and sighed.

"It's Trapper." he told her before answering. "Yeah. I found her. She's okay. No you won't. I'm bringing her home now. Later." he hung up and rubbed a hand over his face. Josie was still waiting for an answer when he turned the car on.

"I'm not scared of your brother and I'm not stopping us because of his rules." Josie looked over at him and frowned. "I'm stopping us because we can't happen. Plain and simple."

_There you go again being beautiful you  
Setting fire to all you hold on to  
There's a blaze in my hand portraying one-sided views  
I'm letting go again, won't be another friend to a  
Beautiful, a beautiful you_

-Beautiful by Saving Able


	14. Apologies and Information

**It's a little short but it's all I wanted for this chapter. Next one will be...quite interesting. ;)**

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* * *

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**a·pol·o·gize **[ə póllə jiz]- to say that you are sorry for something that has upset or inconvenienced somebody else

Apologies are a hard thing to speak. They are also a hard thing to believe.

* * *

"_Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths."_

-Lois Wyse

Josie sighed when the car stopped in front of her front door. She looked over at Billy and smiled coyly. "You sure you don't wanna go back to your place to finish what we started earlier?" she offered. Billy grunted and looked over at her. Sparks flew when their eyes met. Josie smirked and Billy looked away.

"No." he said with a shake of his head. "Besides, you started it. Not we." he clarified. Josie frowned and grabbed the door handle.

"I might have started it but you joined in there for a minute." she reminded him and opened the door. She slammed it shut and peered into the window. "I'll just have to remember to attack you the next time I run off and you catch me with a half naked guy." She walked off before he could say anything else. She could feel his angry and most likely shocked sate follow her and she made her way to her apartment door. She was feeling on cloud nine for catching him off guard but that mood vanished when she realized where she was at.

Home.

A bark of laughter sounded when she froze at the door. Josie turned to flip Billy off but he was already driving off. Maybe her confidence came at the wrong time. Next time she will get to completely walk away from him with her head held high.

Josie jumped when the door swung open. Trapper held the door open as they stared at one another. She remembered their earlier fight and it made her want to cry. They never fought like that. Never. Trapper saw her lip quiver and he threw his arms around her.

"I am so sorry, Jo." he whispered as he rubbed her back. "I never wanted to yell at you like that or hurt you." he pulled back suddenly. "God, did I hurt you?"

Josie shook her head and moved back into his embrace. "No, I'm fine." She buried her face in his shirt while he continued to rub her back.

"I'm really sorry about earlier," he whispered. "I should have never yelled like that. I should not have made the guys look after you because it is supposed to be my job to keep you safe. I should not have ignored you. I didn't realize I was doing that, I swear."

"It's okay." Josie mumbled. Trapper pushed her back and shook his head.

"It's not okay. I hurt you and that is not okay. Understand?" he asked. "I wished that I had you here everyday that you were gone and when I get you here, I fuck it up. That is not okay."

"I shouldn't have gone off like that though." she sighed. "I don't like Holly but it's not because I think she's a bad person but, Bri," she sighed again and wiped at her face. "She sleeps with other men for money. I don't want you to get hurt. I know you can't be excited that she does that."

Trapper smirked and shook his head. "No, I'm not." he looked around and grabbed her arm. "Let's go inside." They went inside and sat on the couch. Josie threw her legs over his and moved to lay her head on his shoulder. It was a position that was familiar them only it had not been used in years.

"God, I did miss you." Trapper sighed and kissed the top of her head. "If only we had dad here putting on some crappy western movie." Josie laughed and grabbed his hand.

"I still have some back in Cali," she told him. "Mom, never actually threw his stuff out. She put it in storage. Granted, she didn't pay the rent on it but I was able to get some stuff before it closed."

"I hate her." Trapper whispered. "She's done nothing but ruin our lives."

"I know." Josie whispered back, looking up at him. "But it's us now. She's not here and we don't need her."

Trapper smiled down at her and then got serious. "I've asked her to quit," he said. "I've asked her a lot of times but she won't."

"Why?"

"Because she owes Billy." Josie raised her brows and Trapper sighed. "She was a in a bad spot a couple years ago and she needed help. Billy found her one night and said he needed someone to work for him. He offered her a few months worth of rent money and she took the offer. For the first few months, she did not get any of her pay. It went straight to Billy. Then, she started paying him a little each week."

Josie bit her lip as she thought. "Does she still owe him?"

"Yes, but not much." Trapper told her. "He got less demanding of the amount she paid once he realized she wasn't going anywhere."

"Have you tried talking to Billy?" Josie asked, lifting her head to look at him. Trapper chuckled and put her head back down. He liked holding her.

"Yeah. He said that if she didn't want to just quit and let me pay him off for her then it was her problem," he told her. Josie huffed and stuck her feet under the throw pillow.

"Billy wants his money but Holly doesn't want anyone to help her pay it off." she summarized.

"Exactly." Trapper groaned.

"She doesn't sound like a bad person." Josie whispered after a silent moment. Trapper picked up a piece of her hair and twirled it around his finger.

"She's not," he whispered back. "She's not proud of what she has to do. Especially now that we are kind of dating. She hates doing it but she does not back down from her word. She's tough." Josie closed her eyes and smiled as Trapper played with her hair.

This was all she wanted. This is what she wanted to come back to. She wanted to come back to him holding her and playing with her hair. She wanted him to big the big brother that he was when she was younger. She knew things would be different but he was still her brother. Her friend.

"Oh, I have something to tell you." she sat up and stared sheepishly at him. "The reason I came this morning was to tell you something."

"What?"

"A friend of mine came to see me. A friend from California." she said and looked down at her hands. "A male friend." Trapper tensed a little and shifted under her.

"He's already here?" he asked and she nodded.

"I was with him tonight. After I left here, I went to pick him up with Kenzie." Trapper nodded and rubbed his chin.

"What's his name?" he asked. "Where's he staying and for how long?" Josie blew out her cheeks and pursed her lips.

"I'm not sure for how long but he's staying at the La Quinta on the other side of town," she told him. "And his name is Tim. I have known him since right after I moved out there. I think he reminded me of you." she smiled a little.

"Why? Is he staggeringly handsome and built like a Greek God?" Trapper teased, trying to show her that he was okay with this. Josie laughed aloud and slapped his chest.

"He's cute but he's no Greek God. He's too short." she informed him through laughs. "But he has lots of tattoos and his skin a tad lighter than yours." Trapper nodded and made her move back into his arms. She relaxed again.

"Well, I do wanna meet him before you go off with him anywhere but I don't mind if you go hang out. I knew you must have had friends out there and I'm glad they care enough to come all the way to Boston to see you."

"Yeah, he's a good friend." she smiled. "So are we cool now?" she asked and looked up at him. Trapper sucked in a sharp breath and bit his lips.

"Eh, I don't know. I think you might to do some making up to me," he teased. Josie sat up again and pinched his side. "Ow! I only meant for you to cook some pancakes!" Josie rolled her eyes and moved off his lap.

"Fine. But you cannot come into the kitchen. You make a mess every time!" she reminded him and stalked into the kitchen. Trapper sat on the couch with a big smile on his face and Josie cooked them midnight pancakes with a smile. He vowed never to hurt her again and she vowed never to let him down.

* * *

**in·for·ma·tion **[ìnfər máysh'n]- definite knowledge acquired or supplied about something or somebody

The saying goes that some people are gluttons for punishment. However, I know think most people are gluttons for information. And too much information leads to the punishment.

* * *

"_I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way."_

-Franklin P. Jones

Billy drove around town for almost an hour. He needed to think. He really needed to think. He needed to think about Josie. He needed to think about Trapper. He needed to think about...Tim.

Who was this guy? Why was he here? When was he going to leave? Was he a threat?

He shook his head when all the thoughts bombarded him about Tim. Josie was easier to think about. All he had to do was think of a way to keep away from her but still keep eyes on her. Trapper said that he was calling everyone off her tail but Billy was not going to stop watching her. He would let her have her privacy but he would be watching from the corners.

When did he start to care so much?

It started when she was a kid, he reminded himself. She is still a kid in ways. She still needs protection.

As long as he kept telling himself that, he would be all right. He would ignore the pestering thoughts of her life in California. He would ignore the thought of something bad happening to her after she left. He would ignore the feeling of wanting to go talk to Tim.

Why would I want to talk to him? Billy thought.

Josie said they were good friends, that is why. The pestering thought said dryly.

Billy groaned as he pulled next to Bodie's car. He got out the car and walked to his friend's front door. As usual, Bodie had the door open before Billy got to the top step.

"I need you to do something for me." Billy said. Bodie leaned against the frame sleepily.

"When do you not need me to do something for you?" he retorted. Billy ignored him and held out a tiny slip of paper. "What's this?" Bodie asked before opening it.

"Open and read." Billy grunted. Bodie opened it and frowned.

"Tim Randall." Bodie read off. "Who's that?" he asked.

Billy glares at him. "If I knew that, do you think I'd be giving you his name?" he asked rudely. Bodie held his hands up in defense.

"I get it." he nodded. "Get the 411 on this guy. Report back to you. Gotcha."

"Good." Billy said. They stood there in silence until Billy spoke again. "Josie said he was a friend from California, if that helps." he muttered. Bodie raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh, I get it." Bodie smirked. "Josie was with Tim, wasn't she? That's why she was at the hotel." He wiggled his eyes brows and Billy hit him in the shoulder. "Ouch."

"Shut up and take it like a man." Billy growled. "Nothing happened in that room. He's a friend, that's what she said." Bodie looked up from his crouched position and grimaced.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?" he asked and flinched when Billy raised his fist again. Billy thought twice and lowered his hand.

"Just get the info on him," he said through gritted teeth. He was not like the ideas that Bodie was putting in his head. They were the ones that Billy was trying to get out of his head.

"Fine but you gotta answer me one question, answer it honestly and not beat me to death." Bodie said as he stood back up. Billy narrowed his eyes at him.

"Better be an easy question because you're asking a lot." he threatened. Bodie took a step back and held a hand up.

"Just chill." he said. "Do you want me to find out more info about this guy because you think he's a threat professionally or personally?" he asked. Billy started to take a step forward but stopped.

"Ya know what, just do what the fuck I tell you to do," he ordered. "Find the info I want and get back to me ASAP!"

"Or maybe it's not Tim you want info on. You wanna find out more about Josie, right?" Bodie did not get an answer. Billy stomped back to his car and sped off.

Did he want info on Tim or Josie? Both, really. He wanted to know who Tim was before he let Josie run around town with him. He also wanted to know more about Josie's time in California.

"Fuck." He cursed and pulled a u-turn in the middle of the road. Why did he have to care? He drove back by Bodie's place and past Josie's. He went past the bar and found himself back on the other side of town. He pulled into the parking lot and slammed his door shut. He did not see a light on but he didn't care. He needed some answer and he wanted them now. He was tired of waiting.

He slammed his fist against the door and waited. He heard the click of the lock turning and took a step back. The door opened a little and stopped. Billy frowned and pushed the door open all the way.

Tim went flying back as the door shoved into him. "What the fuck do you want now?" he asked as Billy shut the door.

Billy looked down at him and glared. "Answers."

* * *

_I wanna know, everything about you.  
And I wanna go, down every road you've been.  
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live, where you keep the rest of your life hid.  
I wanna know the girl behind that pretty stare.  
Take me there._

_I wanna roll down mainstreet.  
I wanna know your hopes and your dreams.  
Take me, take me there.  
Yeah._

- Take Me There by Rascal Flatts

* * *

**Hummm I wonder what Billy will ask? I wonder what Tim will tell? ;)**


End file.
